My Uncle (my mums older brother) was diagnosed with Cancer in January 2014. He had his lymph nodes on both sides of his neck removed, as well as half of his jaw on the left side of his face removed along with some nerves and needed a bone and skin graft. The Doctors were pretty certain it had all gone and announced he was in remission after completing a short spell of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The following March (2015) he got the news that the cancer had spread to his lungs and that it was terminal. He came to live with us (as he lived in South Wales, no partner or children) in Liverpool and we got all of his care transferred up here so we could help look after him. For the rest of that year he was mainly healthy. Slight weight loss, slight coughing but nothing that scared or worried us.

All of a sudden after Christmas he started to take a turn for the worse. His torso was constantly in agony, he really sturggled to breathe and his coughing became unbearable. He would have the odd week where he would seem a lot better but would then dip. When he passed, it was only over the course of around 2 days. He was taken into a hospice on the Thursday as he was very weak (he walked in and refused a wheelchair - he was very proud and a bit stuborn haha!) and the Saturday morning he passed in his sleep with his sister (my mum), his mum (my grandma) and my dad, sister and me all around him.

It was obviously never going to be easy for any of us to cope, he was only 52 and had been through so much with the first diagnosis that we didn't expect things could get any worse - which they obviously did. My mum has been so strong as we've had multiple diagnosis' of cancer within the family since my uncle was (my uncle, my nan, my great auntie and my grandma) and my grandma is the only one who's pulled through (although she needed another operation 6 months after original to remove more cancer which they found). Although my mum has me, my sister and my dad and we are a tight knit group, I just feel like we're not doing enough. I can see in her eye's that she's not the same and I know she'll never be the same again, but it just kills me knowing how much she is hurting and that I can't think of any way to make her feel better.

I bought a few books online from a series of 'overcoming' as I suffer from anxiety and I bought one for greivances. I have read through it quickly and I know the greiving process works in stages. We have greived over many a family members but I think what we are sturggling with is it being someone young(ish). My mum thought loosing her Dad was the worst thing that could ever happen as noone was as close as they, but she is absolutely breaking not having her brother around.

I'm sorry for such a long post but I'm actually quite desperate for any advice which may help my mum. She did absolutely everything she could have for my uncle and I know she'd do it again in a flash, but that doesn't make her feel any better. She won't open up and talk about how she's feeling, she's admitted to me recently that she's constantly hurting and that she just hides it from all of us but I don't want her to go in a downwards spiral and end up depressed.

I know there's no right or wrong way to go about it, but if anyone has any advice on how they've coped or helped others then I really would be eternally greatfull!

Thank you!