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Numb

melle_mel
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I lost my lovely mum last Sunday to bowel cancer. I am utterly heartbroken. But at the same time I feel numb, to everything. It's like I can't really believe it has happened at all. The first few days I couldn't function at all, I was a mess. But over the last couple of days I feel like although I am really missing her I just can't seem to get what has happened into my head. I've read that it is the denial phase of grief but it feels really disconcerting and I wondered if anyone else has had similar feelings and how they dealt with them? Is this normal? And how long should this feeling last? I feel so detached. 

 

Thank you.

Melanie. 

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    Hello Melanie,

    I am sorry to hear you lost your mum only last Sunday. Our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team. This feeling of numbness is one that is frequently mentioned by our members after losing a loved one. You can read more about the grieving process on our site here and you will see the article mentions that: "immediately after the death of a close friend or relative, you may feel numb. Some people feel so shocked that they can't accept that the person has died at all, and even deny it is true. This feeling usually passes as they start to talk to other people about the death."

    I hope coming here and talking to others who have recently lost a parent will help you deal with these complex emotions.

    Warmest wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

     

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    Hi Melanie, am so sorry to hear about your loss. I totally understand how you feel. I lost my mam 2 weeks ago to breast cancer which had spread to the brain. I had to arrange everything whilst sorting out financial matters as my dad who is 80 & also terminal with cancer was unable to. I had also taken time off work to care for mam but in the end I only looked after for 2,weeks before she died. It's only now I'm starting to process things. I keep thinking of things to tell her then remember I can't. I've actually started writing these down in a book to help me. It's a very strange  feeling though. I think I completely shut down when it happened. I keep going over everything that's gone on & am finding that unless I'm with people I can't leave the house. 

    I don't know how long it will last but thought I would let you know there is someone else feeling the same. It's a truly awful thing to go through. I miss mam so much. I'm not ready to go back to work yet either & will probably take another few weeks off. Am hoping in that timeframe things will start feeling easier to deal with.

    Big hugs 

    Jillx

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