Hi Frederica

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your dad in March - our condolences to you and your family. I'm sure some of our members who have experienced the death of a loved one will be along shortly to chat with you and offer some advice and support during this difficult time.

In the meantime, we have some information on coping with grief on our website which you may find useful. 

Please do come and chat with us anytime.

Best wishes,

Kirsty 

Hi Frederika,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. You say you dont know what is normal; the truth is I dont think there is a normal sine we all react differrntly. All I know is when my mother was slowly passing away from breast cancer which spread to her brain, I dont think I have ever felt so helpless in my life.It was almost like an express train bearing down on me and I was rooted to the spot. To see my mother who was always so fit healhty and active go downhill and not being able to do anything to stop it was the worst experiance of my life. I think we all believe our parents will be with us for ever and it come as a shock when we lose them.

For the first two or three months, I didnt want to accept my mother had passed. I lost her ten years ago and I can tell you the pain does get less, not because we miss them less but mailny because we gradually adjust to a new way of life that will never be quite the same again. I also lost my father towards the end of last year. He lived in Canada while I live in the south od England. I do miss not being able to phone either of them up and talk to them. The other thing was my wife pointed out to me, I am now the oldest person in our family and I think that in itself make me feel a little vunerable. 

Take care of your self. You may find some people think you should be over your loss fairly quickly but that is often becase they themselves have not experianced a loss of a close family member. So anytime your feeling low, please dont hesitate to come on here; there is usually someone on here even during the night,Brian.

Hi Frederica,

There's no such thing as normal in these circumstances, everyone just muddles through in their own way. Our minds seem to somehow drip feed the news through to our consciousness at a rate we can cope with. In the absence of this coping mechanism, there is a risk that our grief will overwhelm our lives. You may find that the reality never hits you full on.

Time doesn't heal the sense of loss, but somehow we learn to live with it and the good memories slowly dominate the more recent hurtful ones. 

Best wishes

Dave