I have voicemails too. I have one from about 5 months before my mum died and one from a few weeks before, I can hear the deterioration even in her voice through the 2nd message as she had got a lot weaker, but they are lovely to have and she tells me how much she loves me and how my son (her only grandson) is the sweetest sweetest little boy. I have saved the messages to the computer so I will have them to keep. We also recorded a copy of my mums voicemail recording from her answerphone before it was disconnected, it's just nice to hear her voice sometimes. I miss our chats too and our daily text messages, even if they were about nothing or just sending some hearts or kisses. So many things happen and I think how I would have sent my mum a message to tell her about it and now I cant. It makes me so sad. I was driving today and I started replaying her last few hours in my head, I had to make myself stop so I could concentrate on driving and not be a bubbling wreck whilst driving on the motorway. It just catches me off guard at times. I suppose emotions do that. 

We we have my aunts annual family gathering in 2 weeks time, I can't believe my mum won't be there, surrounded by her siblings and nieces/nephews. The Saturday of it will be 100 days since my mum died, I can't quite believe it. On that day is also my 5th wedding anniversary, my mum and my sister are the only people who every year give us a card for it and I'm so sad that we won't get a card from my mum this year, or any other.

i do feel that I'm getting on ok and managing, but it is difficult at times and I suppose that'll never change: 

i hope you're doing ok xx