Hi Jill,

Sorry to hear you've had such a tough week. How did you get on being back at work today? I'm sure it was really tough, I am finding it a lot easier at work now and can finally concentrate again on what I'm meant to be doing. It's tough the first few weeks but I know you'll get there slowly. 

That must have been really hard with your health problems and so nice that your mum was there to help you and give you support through that; so tough that she isn't there anymore to help you, no wonder it is opening up the wound again, everything goes through your head from all the happy to sad memories and tough times. Your mum will be so proud of you and how you've brought up your son, you mentioned she adored him and that's a lovely thing to be able to cherish. He must be struggling too,even if he's not showing it, which I suppose will be another challenge itself for you making sure he's ok.

Overall ive had a good week. We held a memorial service in Glasgow on Saturday, my mum had lived here for 20 years so all her Glasgow friends and mine and my sisters friends and family and step-dads family came. It was really lovely. The service was very similar to the funeral but more upbeat and some poems read by her two close friends and memories read out. We had food and drinks and a toast to my mum and a few circle dances after (my mum taught circle dancing twice a week, so a very fitting tribute to her!). It went really well. People said I did really well at it as I hardly cried, I think though that I'm so used to talking about mum and not crying (only having breakdowns if I start concentrating on it) that I just managed to enjoy the day without getting upset. So that was lovely and on Sunday we scattered 1/3 of her ashes in the local park that she loved, we had a big group hug and passed the box round and all spoke to it and kissed it and then scattered them, it was really lovely. I'm surprised by how much I think it helped me. The rest of the ashes are to be down south where she lived recently. 

I think I've been so busy recently that I've not had as much time to think about mums passing, We've just bought a new house (we actually found out we got it the day encore mum died) and have sold our flat today, so it's all going on and I'm keeping busy at weekends too. It's hard though if I'm driving and that's the time I think about mum and start to get upset. It makes me sad to think that I'm not crying the way I was at first, as I don't want to start to feel better as I feel as if that somehow lessens her death and my sadness, which I know is rubbish, but I will forever be sad because of it, it's just hard that life goes on and we have to as well. 

Thats so lovely about the sign from your mum. One of my mums really close friends said she woke up in the night and my mum was at the side of the bed smiling at her and then disappeared. She said all she felt was tremendous warmth and love and it was lovely. She is a really nice and normal lady and I really believe what she said, she has had a few experiences in the past when she was younger which were similar. So I think that's lovely and although I desperately want a sign from my mum for myself, maybe I'm not able to see a sign, maybe only some people can. My mum said to my sister last year that she didn't know what was going to happen but whatever did it would be alright, and I do believe that, it will be alright. It might be sh*t and not fair but I believe my mum when she says that.

I recently finished reading a book my mum had read, it's called 'proof of heaven' it was really interesting and it helped me, so just incase you want something that may help you a little too? 

Let me know how you're getting on anyway. Big hugs xxx

Hi Jill.

I just lost my Mum 11 days ago to breast cancer. It also spread to her brain and a few other places. We put her in a hospice to sort out the pain she was having and 5 days later she was gone. This was 5 months after she was diagnosed for the second time.

It has been the worst experience of my life losing my Mum, who was also my best friend. I still lived with her so I was used to seeing her everyday. Now I don't know what to do. I'm trying to move on and get back to normal and I've kept a brave face on since it happened. I don't like people to see me cry because I don't want them to make a big deal out of it. My fiancee has been there for me and has been very supportive. He held my hand at the funeral yesterday and was there when needed. We also had everyone in bright colours.

I don't know how to feel right now. I don't think I've grieved fully, I've had too much to do. I've been left the house so I've had to changed things into my name and work things out.

I just realise now that you first posted a month ago, so perhaps I could get some advice on how you are a month later? I'm just worried that I'll never feel better or be able to accept this big life changing loss.

Linsey xxx

Hi Jill.

Thank you for your kind words and experience. I had a moment last night where I just broke down and my emotions just overtook. I feel better for it now though as I haven't actually grieved like that till now.

In have a lot of support in terms of my friends, and Mum's. They're always checking in and seeing how I'm doing.

It is difficult happening so close to a birthday. It would have been Mum's 52nd next Thursday. I was going to throw her a small tea party, as I wasn't sure if she'd be well enough to handle a full-on party. I usually through her one every year, except last year because she didn't want one. Her friends and I have agreed to have a party in her honor regardless, but it will be a costume party instead, as we both love that sort of thing. It's given me something to work towards and look forward to. I have a few other things to look forward to also, which should help take my mind off everything.

Again, thank you for the support, and I hope you are managing ok.

Linsey xxx

Hi Jill,

i hope the scattering of the ashes went well and helped you. I'm sure your mams birthday was difficult for you, I found that a really sad and hard day. I'm glad that you are slowly moving along. You are so right with what you said about worrying for a year and then they died and we survived it, it brought a tear to my eye reading what you wrote. I don't know how we survived it and will continue to do so but we are being strong as we are our mums daughters! And they would want us to get on and make the most of our lives as they did. 

I will ave a look out for that book. I find it nice and comforting to read about people's experiences and afterlife experiences. I can't believe it's been over 11 weeks since my mum died, it seems so long ago yet so near too. It's sad as it gets further away as its longer since we've seen and spoken to and hugged them. 

Thanks to you for being there too. Keep in touch xx

Hi Linsey,

i also wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. She has been taken far too young. Sending you big hugs. As Jill said It is such a hard time and everyone grieves differently but you will at somepoint be able to get back to some sort of normality and be happy again. I know it's hard to think that now and just now you need to do whatever feels right for you. I'm not always one to show my emotions and therefore don't always do that, however being able to talk about you mum will really help and I have found that a good cry always makes me feel better, along with a good nights sleep. 

Its been so recent that your mum passed away, you will probably still be in a bit of shock and everything won't have sunk in yet, as I said take a day at a time and know that your mum would only want for you to be happy and will be so proud of you.  

Take care xx