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Struggling to stay strong

georgie1
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Hi, 

About 9 weeks ago, my dad got diagnosed with metastatic bowel cancer, and 3 weeks ago he got told it was terminal. On Tuesday of this week, he got told by the doctors that chemo would do more harm than good, and that he had between 1 and 3 weeks to live - however, he passed away on Thursday, two days ago and two days after that appointment. 

I am really really struggling at the moment - my whole family is. We are sticking together, but the pain is unbearable. Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this awful awful time? 

I just finished my second year at uni so I will be leaving again in September and I'm not sure how I'll handle it.

Thank you x 

  • Hi Georgie, 

    On behalf of the cancer chat community I offer our condolences to you and your family on the passing of your dad.

    Losing someone you love is never easy but I'm glad your family are pulling together to support each other at this difficult time. Many of our members have gone through the same thing and I'm sure they will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

    If you feel like you need to talk to someone you can call our nurses on Monday. You can call them on 0808 800 4040 for free if you are based in the UK and they are available Monday - Friday between 9.am-5p.m.

    Kind Regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline

    Hi Georgie,

    I lost my dad 2 months ago, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am a four hour drive away from my mum, and I felt so guilty to leave her (there's only me and my mum, we have no other family), but we needed to try and go on with our lives and start taking steps forward. But we call each other all the time, we Skype, organised more visits, and we check in on each other as much as possible which really helps and makes us feel not so far apart :)

    As far as when you go back to uni, my advice to you would be to be as honest as you can with your main tutor or a lecturer you feel comfortable talking too, 1 or all of your housemates, etc. I was nervous about people either wrapping me in bubble wrap, or not being able to help and understand where I was when I got back to work, but I was as transparent as I could be with my boss and my closest colleagues and they have been very understanding and helpful. People will let you take your time and take each step when you want, but when you need help please let someone know even though it can be hard to ask for it.

    But the most important thing which I've mentioned is to take each step when you're ready, if you feel overwhelmed take the time you need, if you decide you need to go back home most universities will have support for you and many have counsellors who you can speak to which can really help!

    Take care of yourself,

    Jen

  • Offline in reply to jen48

    Hi Jen, 

    Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. It's great to hear that you and your mum are remaining really close - I'm sure you are keeping eachother strong through this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss, life can be so cruel. 

    In regards to uni, I have explained to them my situation and they gave me extensions on my assignments this year, I hope this continues into next year if I feel overwhelmed. My dad said he wanted me to finish university, so that's what I'm going to do! Just try my best.

    Thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot. 

    Thanks, take care of yourself too, 

    Georgia x 

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