Hi Debbie, nice to hear off you i know how you feel , every time i go out even if i have a lovely time i always have a cry when i come back i think its because my hubby should be with me.i am dreading the dark nights coming its bad enough now people say i shouldnt think that far ahead but i cant help it. My brother in law gets married at the end of the month it will be bitter sweet as my hubby should have been there with us he also said he woudnt make the wedding its so sad that he wont be there i think he new in his heart that he woudnt make it. take care Syl x
Hi JULES, not heard off you in a while did you enjoy your holiday no body seems to reply to me when i send e mails havnt heard off debbie or wishy even though i have posted to them , maybe they are ok and dont come on much now ,its still nice to talk to people you feel better chating to people that have been threw loseing a loved one. I had a good cry last week end dont know why i still feel lonely at night i am also dreading the dark nights comeing its bad enough now, i surpose its something else we all have to live with.let me know how your holiday went regards Syl x
Hi Syl, sorry I didn't see your post to me, it is true I don't come on as much it makes me sadder reading about so many people's losses. I am doing ok-ish feeling very lonely today even tho I am 53 I feel like I have had to grow up a lot these last few months having to fix things around the house stuff I never had to do before like today just defrosted a freezer for the first time! I miss Sam terribly, his brother is visiting from Canada in a few weeks so I have to finally make a decision about Sam's ashes (I have always been rubbish at making decisions). Hope you are doing ok I too still feel very lonely and so so sad and also dreading the darker nights, which is funny because in spring I was dreading the lighter nights! Take care Syl hugs Debbie xxxxxxx
I did reply to your last post, the day before we went on holiday which is showing on your thread so hope you saw that. We got back from holiday during the second week of August and had a lovely break. Plenty to keep me amused with all the family being along, eight in all including baby Darcey, then 9 weeks old. Large villa and pool and nearby cafe for lunch (mainly fresh fish in my case) most days. When it cooled of a little (about 24 degs) in the evening we all went down to the sea front restaurants for dinner (my grandsons had rest/nap in the afternoon so were able to eat with us and go to bed later than usual which was handy) and the baby slept through our meals every night bless her. I managed to spend some time on my own, and had breakfast by the beach one morning and then had a wander around the old town of Albufeira where we were based. All in all it went well and I was less anxious than I thought I would be.
Have been pretty busy since I got back, getting back into the usual routine of working a couple of days a week, the gym and spending time in the garden. Will definitely miss the latter when the weather is not so good(like yesterday and part of today). I still chat most days with some of my other forum buddies (on my own thread where you are always welcome to post too as we tend to chat about day to day life). Had my birthday this past week and the children made sure I had a good day with flowers and gifts and my daughter and family took me out to dinner so pretty spoilt.
I tend to leave my housework till the evening if having a down day as this keeps me from over-thinking things too much. Would have been our aniversary in a couple of weeks so will see how I feel as I face this for the second time since hubby died.
I have my two grandsons here for a sleepover tonight so trying to type whilst they are having tea just now. I think because my hubby travelled away from home on business over the years I made the adjustment to being on my own at night quite well though I still wake up several times during the night and nothing I do seems to change that which is very annoying.
Hope you are keeping well yourself, take care. Jules x
Good to see your reply to Syvia and do understand your reasons for fewer visits. Most of my decisions come with constant self questioning before I take the final one! Even after nearly 20 months it still feels a bit alien to be doing it mainly on my own. I often mention things to my Mum when I visit her in the residential home but tend to just get a shrug of her shoulders in response. My children and close friends have been great in telling me I am doing okay and it has been a very slow process in accepting that it is okay to do what feels right for me.
Have got the evening to myself now as both grandsons are tucked up in bed for their 'sleepover'. The eldest lad has already decided on what he would like for breakfast. Being an early riser myself it will be interesting to see who is downstairs first tomorrow morning.
Hope when Sam's brother visits (no doubt will be emotional for you both anyway) you can find some comfort in finding the right place to have Sam's ashes. To be honest there should be no rush and if you would rather keep them near you then that would be ok too.
i lost my husband 6 weeks ago today's not a good day I miss him so much, reading some of the posts I talk to to him every day and kiss his photo as well I wonder if I will ever be happy again life is so empty I can have all my family around but still feel so lonely, is that normal, love to all who feel like me Maria x
Maria , I'm so very sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is completely normal and it's all so raw. I lost my wonderful husband to prostate cancer in October I miss him so much and I too feel very lonely and ask myself the same question will I ever be happy again, I don't know the answer to that. we were together for 18 years and they were truly the happiest years of my life he completed me. We just have to take it one day at a time. This forum has helped me a lot there are some lovely people on here who have lost their partners so totally understand how we feel and give helpful advice stay strong Maria sending love and hugs xxxx Debbie
Hi jules, so glad you enjoyed your hol, sam and I loved albufeira. Hope you enjoy having the boys for a sleepover, I do enjoy having my nephew who is 12 and my great neice who is 4 to stay though I do find it exhausting. Love to you xxxxx Debbie
As Debbie has said your feelings are certainly normal. Although I lost my hubby nearly 20months ago I do still remember how raw I felt in the weeks and early months. I still think of him as soon as I wake every morning but time passing has made it a little easier to accept. Grieving takes all sorts of forms and for me seemed to come in phases all of which I think perfectly normal when you have lost such an important person in your life. Even in the company of family and friends it is as if you are in a room alone with your own thoughts. I used to spend a lot of time in the garden where I did manage to find some peace and keeping myself busy day to day helped too. It is very much a personal journey and one which I took day to day though after a few months did start to give myself goals to aim at.
I became a member of this forum during my hubbys three year terminal diagnosis and I know talking here has helped as there is so much understanding. It gives me somewhere to be open and free about my feelings as I am not the only one grieving the loss of hubby. Our adult children and grandchildren miss him greatly too but we have our memories and talk about him often whilst, at the same time. trying to adjust to a different life as he definitely would have wanted us to live our own lives.
My husband loved to travel (both for business and pleasure) and when I took everyone away for a family holiday earlier this month it felt as though he would have approved of his legacy to us. I felt more emotional on my return home but it was because of good memories both past and newly made.
I hope you find chatting on the forum helps a little as there are many reading/posting who will have understanding of how you are feeling. Be kind to yourself and take small steps. Jules
Hi jules, glad you had a lovely holiday it sounds if you had a very busy time did you have any time to relax ? . I havnt been to good lately,all i seem to do is cry it feels as if im going back in stead of forward.im going to my hubbys brothers wedding on saturday with my son my daughter is away ,im not looking forward to it as my hubby should be with us i hope i dont cry and spoil it as a wedding is such a happy occasion once again glad you had a nice holiday take care Syl x
