Hi jules,glad you had a nice time with your daughter ,im not into candles ,my sister is she loves them i have just bought her a tiny lamp that you put  a tea light in have tried  it  with  a tea light in it looks lovely cant wait to give it her even though ter birthday isnt till Febuary. it is better to be armed with loads of imformation for your holiday  im sure there will be trips you can look forward to  with  people  in your  party unless your going completlely on your own, you havnt told me where your going yet , a friend of mine  who i  see at swimming aerobics goes to Canada on her own nearly every year to see her grandson she is 82.must be nice for your daughter to have her first house, mine and hubbys first place was a flat over a butchers shop where my hubby worked as a butcher,happy days. My friendship group is back on now after  the xmas break something to look forward to again,weather not bad today so i can take george out for a walk after dinner. Not seeing my son  till friday as he is working in London this week at ch 4  in the offices not in front of the camera  so wont be on the  telly lol  take care spk soon   Syl x

Hi Syl

I am sure your sister will love her new tea light holder even if it is not until February.  Both my children's birthdays are in February too plus this year my son's wedding will fall in between. A pretty expensive month ha ha.  The candles/scent sticks I ordered last week are being delivered today  so will be deciding where to place them.  I usually have a scented candle on for a couple of hours in the evening so am glad to renew stocks.

My daughter and son in law are anxious and excited at the thought of moving and having their own place especially as the boys will at last have a proper garden (shared where they are at present ). Hubby and I only ever had the one home and I am still in it now.  Bought it 40 years ago come May though we did not move into it until the September.  We only thought about moving ourselves once and that was when he changed jobs but in the end he did not want to uproot our son from his school so we stayed put and he commuted.  Bearing in mind he also travelled abroad a great deal on business it was probably a good call!

My holiday is a completly solo venture so will travel indepently and be able to pick and choose how I spend my week.  The island has a good bus service to all the local places of interest and I have chosen a hotel in the capital which has reasonable amenities (pool/restaurant and bar) in case I feel like staying put.  Beach is just across the road too so think I have covered everything.  Still not sure how I will feel but know I need to do it.  Weather permitting there will be plenty of walking and  I have my guide book to study ha ha.

Beautiful but cold start to the day again here. Garden has not been frost free for three days now so am keeping the bird feeding stations well stocked and having lots of feathered visitors.  Also saw a fox the other morning (probably responsible for the pigeon feathers!!) but it was too quick for me to catch on camera.

Am looking forward to a peaceful weekend as my two days at work were very busy.  They have a store wide audit this weekend so lots of preparation going on.  Hopefully will be more of a normal routine when I return next week.

Hope you enjoy catching up with your son today and must be nice to have the friendship group plus walking with George back up and running.  I do find some sort of routine is helpful though I do not mind if it changes for the better!

Take care.  Jules xx

Hi jules,  not much to tell you about my week end , not been out much could have gone out with my daughter for Sunday dinner, but the weather was cold  and  i didnt feel like going out  so had a  M and S sunday dinner on my own . have been to my sons today as he is working from home to day ,back in London tomorrow till  Thursday night he is still at ch 4 , you still havnt told me where your going on holiday it sounds nice where ever it is.my hubby has been dead 11month today sometimes it feels  a life time ago  sometimes  feels like  yesterday its a wierd feeling . i am reading a book at the moment its called The Light Between Us by Laura LynneJackson she is a medium , its a lovely book about the after life it took her a long time to come to terms with the  fact she could  communicate with the   dead its so uplifting i dont  wont it to end . Regards  Syl x

Hi Syl

Understand that weird feeling you speak off.  No matter how much length of time has passed I too have times when it feels like only yesterday since I lost hubby and then other days when I realise how far I have come as a widow.  Life can never be the same but on the good days I manage okay.  I have sort of accepted the difficult times as normal given the circumstances surrounding deep loss (not sure that will ever feel different to be honest).

Certainly has been a chilly few days though love the bright sunshine that goes with it so have managed a walk every day. I have to admit to not liking being indoors all day long so work the walks into my forward planning whenever I can.  Today have done usual 2 miles to visit my Mum though I caught the bus back before going to the gym.

My holiday destination is Jersey and my last visit there was over 42 years ago and before we were married so expect to see some changes.  Having chosen a hotel in the capital with good amenities hope this will help.  Just will be fingers crossed for summer weather!!

Glad you enjoyed catching up with your  son.  I usually see mine around once or twice a month and once my daughter and family move will not see her quite as often as I do now but will still chat regularly(or text which they prefer these days).  Of course our big get together will be next month for my son's wedding and we are spending two days at the hotel so quality time over the celebrations. Nerves and emotions both pretty high for us all at the moment as you will understand.

Do take care and stay cosy.  Jules xx

Hi JULES just a  thought i would send you a e-mail before the week end  have just come back in after seeing one of my  friends for a coffee, its cold here again, but still took george out for a walk.your sons wedding will be something to look forward to  even though  it will be bitter sweet im sure hubby will be  with you in spirit. ,and it will be nice to spend a few days  in a hotel  being waited on.im sure you will enjoy your holiday in Jersey its surposed to be very nice  i think my brother in law and his wife have been a few times, i will have to ask them. not doing much at the week end , will do the  big garden bird watch tomorrow hopefully and  post my results on line. i am going out with the kids Sunday for dinner  as we havnt been out   for a while . hope  Debbie ok not heard off her since xmas .  Have  a nice wk end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you enjoy the meal with your children tomorrow.  It looks as though we have a respite from the very cold weather and now have wet and windy mild spell forecast. Busy today in and out with shops etc so will hope to complete my birdwatch hour tomorrow after gym visit.  Certainly during the cold snap the feeders were emptied pretty quickly but have already noticed a difference thismorning as there was no frost and the ground feeders are pulling worms from the garden.  First time I had seen a blackbird for a while.

No visiting or visitors planned for this week but then who knows what might occur as sometimes family will just drop by if in the area.

I have been to Jersey but it was 42 years ago; in fact the year before we became engaged and my biggest memory is of our B&B landlady telling my other half that we ought to make sure I did not get away!!  I am sure I will see plenty of changes to the very quiet place it was then but I thought a good base for a relaxing break with all amenities on hand and lots of walking routes to enjoy.

The countdown to the wedding is really on now and everyone is looking forward to the celebrations.  My only worry is for  the bride's parents as they are going ski-ing (it will be her Mum's first time) just before the event so hope there are no misfortunes there!!  My son has his stag do next weekend with half a dozen mates but he and baby Darcey are both dealing with colds at the moment so sleep deprivation is something of an issue.........the joys of parenthood.

Well time is moving on so will answer rest of my mail and then get on with the day.  I am hoping too that Debbie is managing okay but sometimes people find they need the forum less as time passes. I find it good to still chat with my forum buddies even though it is obviously now more general chat. I hope she is keeping well. 

Take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, had my meal with the kids we went to a cavery near where we live it was  ok but not very hot. I did my bird watch  Sunday  and e -mailed my results, i see you did it as well, so did my daughter we  are all nature lovers.i have felt very tearful  these last couple of days (i dont even know why ) i only  have to look at his picture, or some thing comes in to my head and it starts me off,maybe its because its coming up to  12 month i dont really know why. Went to my friendship group yesterday  ,we had a auction of all our unwanted xmas presents, i ended up with a neckless which i will probable never were and a candle i will  never light, the charity shop will  benefit from them.   Lets hope your sons future in laws stay upright on the slopes  it would be awful if they were on crutches and in plaster for the big day ,you will have to keep your fingers crossed.i am going my swimming aerobics to night ,didnt go last  week as she was on holiday, hope the water is warm sometimes it can be quite cold which isnt very nice .had george out  its mild here at the moment but overcast and damp the weather dosnt  help when your feeling a bit down. Take care regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, sorry your feeling down i have  cried a lot this week, i dont  even know why . please try and go  out even if  its just  to your local town have a mooch round the shops  and have a coffee, i dont think Sam would  wont you to shut your  self away  he would wont you to be happy again.why dont you ring Bereavement Support they must be in the phone book or on line , they have a counseller in   a church near where i live once a week  on a Saturday i have been a few times   they just listen  you can cry and they understand because they have been threw it.and they have outings  and go out for lunch , i havnt felt the need to join in , but i could  if i needed to .it might do you good  just to ring  them even if its only  to chat on the phone  take care look after your self  Syl x

Bless you Debbie,   this is not you being boring but about the heavy weight that grief can bring,  There are no time restraints on how different people take to move forward little by little.  It's over two years since I lost hubby and I still have down days and manage on a day to day basis.  I accept that my life is totally different now but it cannot take away the memories or wishing it could all be so different.  I have built a routine of sorts which is probably a kind of coping mechanism.

  The forum became part of my routine during hubby's cancer journey and I still have it as my support network.  It may seem like a virtual world but I find it easier to talk things through here than with some of my friends though I appreciate their kindness and support. I am also playing a supporting role with my kids/grandkids who still miss their Dad, Grandad daily but we talk openly about the good times despite the emotional 'leakage'.  The tears probably say more than words ever can.

If nothing else we have mutual understanding of the sadness, bewilderment and grief that comes with loss and you always know where to chat if you feel the need.  In the meantime sending hugs that you may find some peace.  Take care. Jules xxx