Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi debbie, how are you havnt heard off you in a while i feel ok at the moment health wise ,got to go the hospital next month  to see about my breathing me and the kids just having a quite xmas dinner we will go to the crem  to put flowers on my parents grave ,we will put some flowers in a vase for my hubby ,it is my hubbys birthday on the 27 dec  might go for a walk weather permiting  to a place called spike island my hubby used to like watching the mersey from there .  Take care  have a peaceful xmas  will be thinking of you  Syl x

Hi Debbie

Really sorry to hear that you are so poorly.  Bad cold aggrevated by a perforated eardrum must be so very painful and very lowering.  Bet you just want to curl up in a ball under the covers.  Sending hugs and hope you will soon be feeling a lot better. Jules x

Hi Jules ,hope your new year was enjoyable  i got my wish and stayed at home on my own new years eve i just coudnt face going  out  and trying to enjoy my self , i made my self a little buffet  had a few drinks  i watched Robbie Williams ,then the fireworks in London on BBC 1 i went to bed  about 12 45.i am sure hubbys was with me in spirit i like to think he was going to my daughters to day  for a roast dinner my son is joining us as well, then off to Harrogate tomorow for a few days  hope i can enjoy it,spk to you when i get back regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, sorry you had a bad xmas its awful when your not well, its seems worse when  your on your own, at least they   have sorted the problem  and can treat it now. as i said to jules i didnt go out new years eve ,i wanted to stay on my own i wished hubby  a happy new year  with a  irish coffee one of our  faverouite drinks, i like to think  he could hear me i hope so. Going to harrogate tomorrow for a few days  with my daughter hope i can enjoy it ,hope your feeling better soon  take care Syl x

Hi Syl

Like you spent New Year's Eve quietly on my own.  Was out as usual during the day (gym and shopping) but had developed a cold so was happy to be indoors with a hot toddy watching the fireworks on TV. Trundled off to bed just after 1 am and have decided to spend today indoors in the hope the cold clears up quickly.  Spent this morning getting the lounge back to normal and decorations packed away.  Will do the tree tomorrow.

Enjoy your family meal and your few days in Harrogate and hope weather is dry for you.  Take care.  Jules 

Hi jules, got back from Harrogate yester day tea time  it was ok weather dry but cold it was a big hotel called The George   the food was quite nice  but there was no entertainment, and the hotel was very cold  if you wanted to stay downstairs for a drink.Harrogate it self was nice i woudnt stay in that hotel again. It felt strange on holiday with my daughter i felt quite sad at times i dont know wether it was to soon to go away on holiday i had  a good cry when i got back home ,to top it off my gas fire isnt working will have to get some one out to have a look at it, i havnt got a radiator in the living room so its quite cold.  Hope your cold better now regards Syl .

Hi Syvia

Nice to be able to spend some quality time with your daughter even though you had mixed feelings about the hotel and being away. All the firsts seem to come with some measure of emotional fall out and think it is pretty natural to feel that way.  I went away twice (daughter and family and then son and girlfriend)  just three months after hubby passed and we all felt emotional but knew it was okay to accept that side of our feelings.  It is such a personal journey that we are walking. Last year I cheated with a family holiday but this year I am booked on a week away by myself (June) and know that the closer it comes the more nervy/emotional I will feel(especially as it will be the first flight on my own - dont mind flying but will definitely feel strange not having hubby by my side) but on the other hand I do not want to miss out on having a break so in my eyes at the moment it is 'needs must' - maybe my way of coping!

Have finally got over my new year cold just rather fed up with the changeable weather; freezing one minuture mild the next.  Hope you can get your fire fixed asap as no fun feeling cold. I do not need the fire on today but do have a back up electric heater if the gas fails thankfully.

Had a lovely day out with my son yesterday at the London Wetland Centre and as well as a spot of bird watching and photography we had lunch in the cafe there and I treated myself to a pair of binoculars (on my wish list for a long time).  Was funny watching a robin 'skating' on the icy water - [pic below].

Wrap up warm and sending hugs in the hope you soon have the fire sorted.

Have just got back from my morning out, walking, gym and food shop so will now crack on with the next household task (boring but necessary).  Take care of yourself.  Jules xx

Hi jules, lovely photo of the robin, i have a couple of them in my garden irs nice to see them  eating the meal worm i but out for them. i have heard of the wetland centre and seen it on the T V it looks  a good place for wild life. i was at the hospital on Monday for the results of my  scan i do have C O P D   the  D R   said the best thing i did was to pack my smoking up  which i did 6 yrs ago , he isnt changing my in halers at the moment  ,and he is going to send me for some exercises that  are good for your lungs and breathing just got to wait for  an appointment to come threw.glad your cold ok now  its very cold here at the moment  only had George out once this week  because of the weather. My fire is fixed when they came out all they did was  cleaned it  and got rid of all the dust  that was building up in the fire , its ok now. i think your very brave  going on holiday on your own  im useless at  directions  so  i would  get lost  probable never to be seen again lol . take care and have a nice week end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Sorry for the delay in responding but has been a hectic few days for me.

Am pleased that you now have your results and know the ins and outs of your condition.  Hope the appointment comes through soon and those exercises help control the breathing problems that  COPD brings.  We have several ladies at our gym who have this condition and have special excerise routines to assist them.

Spent a lovely evening at my daughter's last Thursday when she had a candle and scents party. Spent more than I intended but I do love candles!!  Also booked one to  have for my friends in March all being well. On Friday and Saturday was out and about with normal shopping/walking and on Sunday spent the day in London with my daughter as we shopped for her accessories in readiness for her brother's wedding.  Gave us an excuse to have lunch too! 

Today have had the wonderful news that my daughter and son in law have had an offer accepted on a house they looked at over the weekend. So excited for them and will give their boys a garden of their own to play in (they currently in rented first floor flat). Will be strange not having them in walking distance but only a train ride away.

I do not feel particularly brave as regards my Summer holiday as it is something my Mum did into her early eighties after my Dad passed away so if she can do it I hope I can cope.  I am a little nervous but do not want to go without holidays so will see how it goes.  Difficult to get lost as will get to airport and then get picked up at other end by hotel courtesy car (free). Plan on getting round by the local bus service and have a guide book already (forward planning seems sensible!!).

Hope you had a peaceful weekend even though the weather was not great.  Take care.  Jules xx

Hi jules,glad you had a nice time with your daughter ,im not into candles ,my sister is she loves them i have just bought her a tiny lamp that you put  a tea light in have tried  it  with  a tea light in it looks lovely cant wait to give it her even though ter birthday isnt till Febuary. it is better to be armed with loads of imformation for your holiday  im sure there will be trips you can look forward to  with  people  in your  party unless your going completlely on your own, you havnt told me where your going yet , a friend of mine  who i  see at swimming aerobics goes to Canada on her own nearly every year to see her grandson she is 82.must be nice for your daughter to have her first house, mine and hubbys first place was a flat over a butchers shop where my hubby worked as a butcher,happy days. My friendship group is back on now after  the xmas break something to look forward to again,weather not bad today so i can take george out for a walk after dinner. Not seeing my son  till friday as he is working in London this week at ch 4  in the offices not in front of the camera  so wont be on the  telly lol  take care spk soon   Syl x

Hi Syl

I am sure your sister will love her new tea light holder even if it is not until February.  Both my children's birthdays are in February too plus this year my son's wedding will fall in between. A pretty expensive month ha ha.  The candles/scent sticks I ordered last week are being delivered today  so will be deciding where to place them.  I usually have a scented candle on for a couple of hours in the evening so am glad to renew stocks.

My daughter and son in law are anxious and excited at the thought of moving and having their own place especially as the boys will at last have a proper garden (shared where they are at present ). Hubby and I only ever had the one home and I am still in it now.  Bought it 40 years ago come May though we did not move into it until the September.  We only thought about moving ourselves once and that was when he changed jobs but in the end he did not want to uproot our son from his school so we stayed put and he commuted.  Bearing in mind he also travelled abroad a great deal on business it was probably a good call!

My holiday is a completly solo venture so will travel indepently and be able to pick and choose how I spend my week.  The island has a good bus service to all the local places of interest and I have chosen a hotel in the capital which has reasonable amenities (pool/restaurant and bar) in case I feel like staying put.  Beach is just across the road too so think I have covered everything.  Still not sure how I will feel but know I need to do it.  Weather permitting there will be plenty of walking and  I have my guide book to study ha ha.

Beautiful but cold start to the day again here. Garden has not been frost free for three days now so am keeping the bird feeding stations well stocked and having lots of feathered visitors.  Also saw a fox the other morning (probably responsible for the pigeon feathers!!) but it was too quick for me to catch on camera.

Am looking forward to a peaceful weekend as my two days at work were very busy.  They have a store wide audit this weekend so lots of preparation going on.  Hopefully will be more of a normal routine when I return next week.

Hope you enjoy catching up with your son today and must be nice to have the friendship group plus walking with George back up and running.  I do find some sort of routine is helpful though I do not mind if it changes for the better!

Take care.  Jules xx

Hi Syl

I am sure your sister will love her new tea light holder even if it is not until February.  Both my children's birthdays are in February too plus this year my son's wedding will fall in between. A pretty expensive month ha ha.  The candles/scent sticks I ordered last week are being delivered today  so will be deciding where to place them.  I usually have a scented candle on for a couple of hours in the evening so am glad to renew stocks.

My daughter and son in law are anxious and excited at the thought of moving and having their own place especially as the boys will at last have a proper garden (shared where they are at present ). Hubby and I only ever had the one home and I am still in it now.  Bought it 40 years ago come May though we did not move into it until the September.  We only thought about moving ourselves once and that was when he changed jobs but in the end he did not want to uproot our son from his school so we stayed put and he commuted.  Bearing in mind he also travelled abroad a great deal on business it was probably a good call!

My holiday is a completly solo venture so will travel indepently and be able to pick and choose how I spend my week.  The island has a good bus service to all the local places of interest and I have chosen a hotel in the capital which has reasonable amenities (pool/restaurant and bar) in case I feel like staying put.  Beach is just across the road too so think I have covered everything.  Still not sure how I will feel but know I need to do it.  Weather permitting there will be plenty of walking and  I have my guide book to study ha ha.

Beautiful but cold start to the day again here. Garden has not been frost free for three days now so am keeping the bird feeding stations well stocked and having lots of feathered visitors.  Also saw a fox the other morning (probably responsible for the pigeon feathers!!) but it was too quick for me to catch on camera.

Am looking forward to a peaceful weekend as my two days at work were very busy.  They have a store wide audit this weekend so lots of preparation going on.  Hopefully will be more of a normal routine when I return next week.

Hope you enjoy catching up with your son today and must be nice to have the friendship group plus walking with George back up and running.  I do find some sort of routine is helpful though I do not mind if it changes for the better!

Take care.  Jules xx

Hi jules,  not much to tell you about my week end , not been out much could have gone out with my daughter for Sunday dinner, but the weather was cold  and  i didnt feel like going out  so had a  M and S sunday dinner on my own . have been to my sons today as he is working from home to day ,back in London tomorrow till  Thursday night he is still at ch 4 , you still havnt told me where your going on holiday it sounds nice where ever it is.my hubby has been dead 11month today sometimes it feels  a life time ago  sometimes  feels like  yesterday its a wierd feeling . i am reading a book at the moment its called The Light Between Us by Laura LynneJackson she is a medium , its a lovely book about the after life it took her a long time to come to terms with the  fact she could  communicate with the   dead its so uplifting i dont  wont it to end . Regards  Syl x

Hi Syl

Understand that weird feeling you speak off.  No matter how much length of time has passed I too have times when it feels like only yesterday since I lost hubby and then other days when I realise how far I have come as a widow.  Life can never be the same but on the good days I manage okay.  I have sort of accepted the difficult times as normal given the circumstances surrounding deep loss (not sure that will ever feel different to be honest).

Certainly has been a chilly few days though love the bright sunshine that goes with it so have managed a walk every day. I have to admit to not liking being indoors all day long so work the walks into my forward planning whenever I can.  Today have done usual 2 miles to visit my Mum though I caught the bus back before going to the gym.

My holiday destination is Jersey and my last visit there was over 42 years ago and before we were married so expect to see some changes.  Having chosen a hotel in the capital with good amenities hope this will help.  Just will be fingers crossed for summer weather!!

Glad you enjoyed catching up with your  son.  I usually see mine around once or twice a month and once my daughter and family move will not see her quite as often as I do now but will still chat regularly(or text which they prefer these days).  Of course our big get together will be next month for my son's wedding and we are spending two days at the hotel so quality time over the celebrations. Nerves and emotions both pretty high for us all at the moment as you will understand.

Do take care and stay cosy.  Jules xx

Hi JULES just a  thought i would send you a e-mail before the week end  have just come back in after seeing one of my  friends for a coffee, its cold here again, but still took george out for a walk.your sons wedding will be something to look forward to  even though  it will be bitter sweet im sure hubby will be  with you in spirit. ,and it will be nice to spend a few days  in a hotel  being waited on.im sure you will enjoy your holiday in Jersey its surposed to be very nice  i think my brother in law and his wife have been a few times, i will have to ask them. not doing much at the week end , will do the  big garden bird watch tomorrow hopefully and  post my results on line. i am going out with the kids Sunday for dinner  as we havnt been out   for a while . hope  Debbie ok not heard off her since xmas .  Have  a nice wk end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you enjoy the meal with your children tomorrow.  It looks as though we have a respite from the very cold weather and now have wet and windy mild spell forecast. Busy today in and out with shops etc so will hope to complete my birdwatch hour tomorrow after gym visit.  Certainly during the cold snap the feeders were emptied pretty quickly but have already noticed a difference thismorning as there was no frost and the ground feeders are pulling worms from the garden.  First time I had seen a blackbird for a while.

No visiting or visitors planned for this week but then who knows what might occur as sometimes family will just drop by if in the area.

I have been to Jersey but it was 42 years ago; in fact the year before we became engaged and my biggest memory is of our B&B landlady telling my other half that we ought to make sure I did not get away!!  I am sure I will see plenty of changes to the very quiet place it was then but I thought a good base for a relaxing break with all amenities on hand and lots of walking routes to enjoy.

The countdown to the wedding is really on now and everyone is looking forward to the celebrations.  My only worry is for  the bride's parents as they are going ski-ing (it will be her Mum's first time) just before the event so hope there are no misfortunes there!!  My son has his stag do next weekend with half a dozen mates but he and baby Darcey are both dealing with colds at the moment so sleep deprivation is something of an issue.........the joys of parenthood.

Well time is moving on so will answer rest of my mail and then get on with the day.  I am hoping too that Debbie is managing okay but sometimes people find they need the forum less as time passes. I find it good to still chat with my forum buddies even though it is obviously now more general chat. I hope she is keeping well. 

Take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, had my meal with the kids we went to a cavery near where we live it was  ok but not very hot. I did my bird watch  Sunday  and e -mailed my results, i see you did it as well, so did my daughter we  are all nature lovers.i have felt very tearful  these last couple of days (i dont even know why ) i only  have to look at his picture, or some thing comes in to my head and it starts me off,maybe its because its coming up to  12 month i dont really know why. Went to my friendship group yesterday  ,we had a auction of all our unwanted xmas presents, i ended up with a neckless which i will probable never were and a candle i will  never light, the charity shop will  benefit from them.   Lets hope your sons future in laws stay upright on the slopes  it would be awful if they were on crutches and in plaster for the big day ,you will have to keep your fingers crossed.i am going my swimming aerobics to night ,didnt go last  week as she was on holiday, hope the water is warm sometimes it can be quite cold which isnt very nice .had george out  its mild here at the moment but overcast and damp the weather dosnt  help when your feeling a bit down. Take care regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, sorry your feeling down i have  cried a lot this week, i dont  even know why . please try and go  out even if  its just  to your local town have a mooch round the shops  and have a coffee, i dont think Sam would  wont you to shut your  self away  he would wont you to be happy again.why dont you ring Bereavement Support they must be in the phone book or on line , they have a counseller in   a church near where i live once a week  on a Saturday i have been a few times   they just listen  you can cry and they understand because they have been threw it.and they have outings  and go out for lunch , i havnt felt the need to join in , but i could  if i needed to .it might do you good  just to ring  them even if its only  to chat on the phone  take care look after your self  Syl x

Bless you Debbie,   this is not you being boring but about the heavy weight that grief can bring,  There are no time restraints on how different people take to move forward little by little.  It's over two years since I lost hubby and I still have down days and manage on a day to day basis.  I accept that my life is totally different now but it cannot take away the memories or wishing it could all be so different.  I have built a routine of sorts which is probably a kind of coping mechanism.

  The forum became part of my routine during hubby's cancer journey and I still have it as my support network.  It may seem like a virtual world but I find it easier to talk things through here than with some of my friends though I appreciate their kindness and support. I am also playing a supporting role with my kids/grandkids who still miss their Dad, Grandad daily but we talk openly about the good times despite the emotional 'leakage'.  The tears probably say more than words ever can.

If nothing else we have mutual understanding of the sadness, bewilderment and grief that comes with loss and you always know where to chat if you feel the need.  In the meantime sending hugs that you may find some peace.  Take care. Jules xxx

Hi Syl

Quite honestly dont think we need a reason to feel tearful at times. It even still takes me by surprise when emotions catch up with me; silly really.  With the first anniversary of your husband's passing getting closer you are probably remembering and wondering where the time has gone and how you are managing now.  Sometimes it still feels like yesterday when my life changed, litterally overnight, even though I had known it would come.  Life's journey certainly brings its ups and downs and I suppose we just roll with the waves so to speak.

All good with the bride to be's parents so far but am sure there will be a sigh of relief all round once they are back. I had a message from my son and fiancee yesterday evening asking if it was okay with the family to have a fundraiser at the wedding (guess the length of the speeches) with the money going to the asbestos charity that helped us upon diagnosis. So proud and yes emotional all over again and also a good way to bring something positive into the celebrations. I know my son want's to keep his speech short and sweet so we can enjoy the meal so now I am wondering how best to gauge my 'guess'.

Hope the water is warm for you tonight and am sure the charity shops will appreciate any donations.Love the swapping idea at your friendship group though and perhaps some were luckier than others!  The only thing I have given away was some chcocolates I bought but which did not get opened..........the gym has an amnesty and then donates to local lunch clubs/homes. 

My treat to myself this week was a pedicure yesterday (a lot more relaxing than doing it myself) and then today I have visited my Mum and been to the gym - usual Tuesday routine.  Now to get through the two work days.

Take care and hope George appreciates his lovely friend taking him walkies.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, i am sat in my pyjamas watching the telly so thought i would send you a e-mail  its a lovely jesture you son  has made to donate money to the asbestos charity  at there wedding i am sure people will think it is a good idea.i dont feel to bad at the moment, its funny how feelings take over  and you feel  sad all over again then it  passes till the next  time. dont think i am doing much sat  might go to the garden centre for bird food , my sister might nip down  as well .your pedicure sounded nice its something i have never tried it looks very relaxing  when you see it done on the telly.my son is still working in London me and my daughter are going to his on Sunday for dinner, he does a nice Sunday lunch. also my daughter is taking 3 month off work to persue other things  she is going to to some  voluntary work  at an animal  charity near where she lives, also she is doing an MVQ for work  so she is  finishing that off. i am  helping her with her bills so she can do it.she is hopeing to fit a holiday in as well .have a nice weekend  regards Syl x