Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi debbie, how are you havnt heard off you in a while i feel ok at the moment health wise ,got to go the hospital next month  to see about my breathing me and the kids just having a quite xmas dinner we will go to the crem  to put flowers on my parents grave ,we will put some flowers in a vase for my hubby ,it is my hubbys birthday on the 27 dec  might go for a walk weather permiting  to a place called spike island my hubby used to like watching the mersey from there .  Take care  have a peaceful xmas  will be thinking of you  Syl x

Hi Jules, glad you had a nice holiday and you enjoyed going out and about its nice to explore new places plus the weather was nice which is always a bonus, trouble is we all have to come back to reality when its over .my  kids enjoyed London  and the weather was good to them as well  i allso had a nice meal witth my sister and her partner on the Sunday we went to a pub called the Wallton Arms for a roast. i havnt had george out much since he came back from his holls these last few days have been really hot, to hot to take him out if it cools down  later in the week  i will start taking him out again. what i am going to tell you now you wont believe my washer broke to get at it i have to move my cooker and fridge my son moved them, when he moved the fridge  what was under it MY PHONE,dont ask me how it got there as i have no idea  its a mistery i didnt know weather to laugh or cry, and it was found on Fathers day .we went to Telford to the iron bridge where we put hubbys ashes we took flowers and put them  under the bridge it was a lovely day sad but happy  memories  .enjoy you week regards Syl x

Hi Jules, you havnt replied to my last e mail is every thing ok  i am taking george out again the weather has cooled down a bit now, even though itis quite warm today i am away on Saturday for a week with my friend we are going on a coach to Bournemouth, i am still not sure about  the holiday it will feel so strange  not being with my hubby but it is something i will have to get used to it.  hope to hear off you before i go away regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Sorry for the late replies but has been a pretty busy week and have been making the most of the weather and spending time catching up with friends and family since my return from holiday.

Like you I was very apprehensive before my holiday but once away made the most of the time to enjoy my surroundings and relax. Of course very different from when hubby was alive but then everydayy is now a different way of life to what had been expected.  You will have the company of your friend so someone to talk to and share the experience with but will able to have the sanctuary of your own room if needed.  Bournemouth has plenty going on and I hope the weather will be kind to you.  Looks as though the next few days is going to see some rain so hope it moves away.  Still the temperatures should be more to your liking as that little bit cooler again. I hope you can enjoy the change of scene and look forward to hearing about it upon your return.

Fancy finding your phone and once over the surprise and the upheavel of having to sort out your broken washer at least now you have it back along with the memories stored on it.

After visiting Mum last Tuesday  which she slept the whole way through bless her, I went tothe gym and then caught up with an old friend for the afternoon; it was very pleasant sitting out in the garden for a few hours.  Work took up the next two days and then on Friday I travelled to see my daughter and family and stayed till Saturday evening.  They are slowly settling in to their new home and finding their way around. My eldested grandson has settled down well at his new school and is already building a new friends network.  The younger lad only has a couple of afternoons at preschool as against five when here but it will increase in September which will do him good.  On Sunday I did my usual walks, the gym and then set about catching up in the garden so it looks a bit tidier now and all the dead heading is complete.

I have just booked a theatre trip in August for myself and my friend.  It has been a good few years since I went and am looking forward to it.  I have also booked my next break though it is not until next April so hope that will give me something to aim for.  In theory I am away again at the end of October when my daughter and family and myself are having a long weekend away possibly at her father in laws.  Will be nice to have a break before the end of the year onslaught at work.

So back today and once again back to visit Mum. They have now involved OT with her care so that she has a more structured physical assistance so will see how that goes. She has been eating and drinking well still. Will need to take my brolly by the sound of it but at least all my gardening chores and the washing is up to date before the rain arrives.  Still feels warm this morning so will be a bind having to wear a rain jacket but the garden certainly needs a good watering though the weeds and flowers seems to be blooming despite the lack of it over the past couple of weeks.

Well better give your eyes a rest and get on with the day. Take care and have a good break.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, glad your ok i was begining  to get a bit worried  i  went to my last exercise class  tuesday i shall miss going it gave me something to look forward to but they are going  to find me  something i can do in my area  but i will have to wait  till  a few week. It sounds as if  you have been busy  with family and friends  and booking  holidays for the future which is nice, i will admit i had a cry this morning  taking things out of the wardrobe that i am taking away with me will have to try and enjoy  the holiday as best as i can   i would hate to ruin it for my friend . At least its a change from every day things  we normally do   will speak to you when i get back take care and have a nice week end regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Just wanted to wish you all the very best for your holiday next week.  I know it will be different but having a friend along will, I am sure, make the break a little easier.  I am sure your friend will understand if you need a bit of space.  I must admit I was anxious going away without family but treated each day like a 'day trip' and came out the other side feeling I had accomplished something. Mind you it was extremely strange packing for myself as hubby always did it (being a seasoned business traveller he always did it so well!).  Holidays will always be different   now but found a change of scene was quite helpful. I will look forward to hearing about it upon your return.

It's a shame that your current exercise class has finished but hopefully something will crop up in your local area soon which you can enjoy just as much.  Our local library lists all sorts of activities ( a lot of which are free) and I am thinking of looking at day or evening class if I can find something I am interested in.  Will just improve my social life a bit more and give me a chance at making new friends maybe.

Take care and sending hugs.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, thought i would send a quick e mail before i go tomorrow   i have just packed for my holiday it was awful packing for one , like you my hubby used to do our packing i would hand him the clothes  and he would pack them. have just  been to take george out i am sure he will miss his walks next  week ,and i will miss him has well, have looked at the weather for next week ,its  cloudy all weekwith rain Thursday,  lets hope we have a bit of sun as well speak to you when i get back have a nice weekend regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you managed a relaxing break away with your friend and that the sun shone for you as much as it did here.  No doubt many reflective moments too upon your return but hopefully some nice memories made.  Look forward to hearing all about it when you have a moment.  Take care.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, got home saturday about .3 30  i had a nice time the weather was hot  no rain at all,hotel and food really nice but the hotel was in a side street the area was a bit rough and it was a twenty minute walk to the centre and the beach.we also went on 3 trips with the coach the rest of the time we went out and about on the bus ,we went to Poole onthe bus  when we got there we booked a boat trip to wareham its only a small place but it was lovely, and the boat trip was a nice change, we also went to a motor museum hubby would have loved it as he was a mechanic he loved old cars and motorbikes.he was on my mind all week and i had a few tears during the week,also when i came home i cried all saturday night i dont even know why.but its back to reality now at least i have been away now  maybe it wont be has hard now,have been swimming this morning its my last morning swim till September have got a appointiment on Thursday to carry on with my exercise class near me its in my local library hope you are keeping well have a nice week regard Syl x

Hi Syl

So good to hear that you had a nice time whilst away with good weather and food too. You and your friend made good use of the coach trips and bus to see some of the surrounding area.  The last time we were in Poole was about  5 years ago, a few months after hubby's diagnosis and I love the harbour area there. Wareham is beautiful place and lovely for walking.  I went there with my son and girlfriend (now wife) in 2015 whilst we were staying in Dorset  and would love to go back so maybe one day will use my senior railcard to take a break there. Both these photos taken there.I am not at all surprised that you had a weep both whilst away and also on your return.  I found it hit me more upon my return when I reflected upon my time away.  Only natural I think.  It was a big step for both of us but we did it and our men would be proud of us I am sure.

Hope your appointment for the new exercise class nearer to you went well.  Would be great if you have a meet up with local people and it is nice to have a reason to go out and be sociable as well as getting the benefits from the exercises of course.

Have no plans in place for this weekend so perhaps time in the garden depending on the weather.  Take care of yourself .  Jules xxx

Lovely photos Jules, i have got the date for my exersice class  its thursdays at 1 o clock for a hour its for 8wk then i can go somewhere else, went to a place called Tatton Park on Saturday with my daughter and her partner there was a food and drinks festival on, there was food and drink from all over the world it was really good, there was also food demonstrations from chefs from master chef and the bake off ,we also had  some lovely chicken in a sauce very nice,also a couple of samples of gin with diferant flavours not enough to get tipsy as my daughters partner was driving.it was a lovely day , but after i had been dropped of  i had a good cry i have done nothing but cry since  i came back off holiday i cant understand why, im on a boat trip tomorrow with my friendship group its on the local canal we will stop off at the barn owl a pub on the canal we have been before  think i have told  you about it before its our last one till september. Have a nice week regards Syl x

Lovely photos Jules, i have got the date for my exersice class  its thursdays at 1 o clock for a hour its for 8wk then i can go somewhere else, went to a place called Tatton Park on Saturday with my daughter and her partner there was a food and drinks festival on, there was food and drink from all over the world it was really good, there was also food demonstrations from chefs from master chef and the bake off ,we also had  some lovely chicken in a sauce very nice,also a couple of samples of gin with diferant flavours not enough to get tipsy as my daughters partner was driving.it was a lovely day , but after i had been dropped of  i had a good cry i have done nothing but cry since  i came back off holiday i cant understand why, im on a boat trip tomorrow with my friendship group its on the local canal we will stop off at the barn owl a pub on the canal we have been before  think i have told  you about it before its our last one till september. Have a nice week regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Tatton Park sounded wonderful and really made my mouth water.  I love going to food/drink festivals and have one in my diary for September (Chinese themed in London) which I hope to get to.  I am sure you will enjoy your canal trip tomorrow with the friendship group and even if it causes a few tears afterwards think these are perfectly normal when, of course, we wish our soulmates were enjoying the trips too.  I found it quite hard upon  my return from my holiday to settle back into a routine and think the mind tends to be full of what if's. 

Grieving is a such a personal journey but I do understand how easily the tears can come.  Emotions seems more heightened than before and I was never one to shed tears easily but that all changed during hubby's illness and passing.  Just yesterday I was re-vamping one of my spare bedrooms (in readiness for family staying next weekend) and came across 'memories' which led to a few tears.  I carried on regardless after a quick cuppa and today I am pleased with myself for completing the task this morning with the hanging of new curtains. Onwards and upwards again.  On the 'upside'  I also had a lovely butterfly appear indoors and it has stayed put despite my attempts to gently get it back outside.  As we have a butterfly as hubby's emblem took comfort from this (I am sure some would think me silly).

Have been to the local Farmers'  and Artisan Market this morning  and am now awaiting the start of the Wimbledon Men's Final so have my bowl of strawberries at the ready.  Afterwards, weather permitting, will go for a stroll to stretch my legs.

Hope you enjoy the new exercise class and good to  know you have some routine for a few weeks before trying somewhere else again. Take care of yourself and have a pleasant week.  Jules

Hi Jules, went on my canal trip it was lovely the weather was sunny for a change plenty of ducks and  swans some with young ones , it took 2 hours there then we had  a hour for lunch  2 hours back i didnt get home till 4 30  so it was a nice day out.hope you enjoyed your farmers market and bought your self some nice treats hope the strawberries were good while you were watching the tennis, im afraid im not into tennis but i know a lot of people love to watch it. my son in London at the weekend with his partner and her children, its a treat for the kids as they dont know there going yet, they have booked the London eye and a trip on the tames as well as the lLondon Dundeons it all sounds very nice hope the kids will be pleased.I am going into Warrington with my daughter to pick something to wear  for a wedding reception i am going in August it is my neighbours daughter i am looking forward to going but i wish hubby was coming with me my daughter is comeing with me to keep me company.will let you know i get on in my new class have a nice weekend regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope your weekend went well and that you now have a lovely outfit for the forthcoming wedding.  It is certainly as these kind of occasions that we feel the loss of our hubbys that much deeper though somehow we manage.  I tend to feel that I am going on his behalf as well as my own and that sees me through and it is good that we can enjoy the celebration. Having your daughter for company  will, I am sure, make it a little easier.

Would imagine your son's trip to London with his partner and family will have been very exciting for the kiddies.  I have done the London Eye a coiuple of times though never been to the London Dungeon as my grandkids are a bit young to appreciate it!!  Sadly I expect the view from the 'Eye' would have been not as good due to the weather but still a great experience.  When we went the first time (hubby's 50th birthday treat) we also went to the London Aquarium followed by dinner - good memories for us all now.

I had a lovely weekend as my daughter and family were visiting.  We had tickets to the open day of our local RAF airport and despite dodging some heavy showers there was plenty to watch in the arenas as well as plenty of things for the grandkids to enjoy (all set up inside the aircraft hangers.  We spent  nearly four hours there before coming back to mine to dry out before going out for dinner.  They stayed overnight and after a good breakfast they were then going to visit their other nanny.  They are back to stay for five days in August as their 'holiday' this year and have flexible plans depending on the great British weather ha ha.  Once they left I went to the gym and then into town as I wanted to shop the sale for new accessories for the planned new bathroom.  Am hoping work will begin soon and am just waiting for the plumber to finish his current project. Eargerly awaiting that phone call!!

Hope the new class goes well and that these are helping with your symptoms.

Looking outside today it is more like autumn that summer but at least I have the birds to watch before I go out.  Certainly will not be sitting in the garden!  Have a good week and take care.  Jules x

Hi Jules, i managed to buy a nice top  ,shoes andbag and some ear rings for the forth comeing wedding as we are only going to the reception i didnt   wont to go mad i had a pair of trousers that i havnt  wore so they go with them,i dont know about you but buying clothes now  dosnt make me happy like it used to.sounds as if you had a nice weekend with you family,im sure your grandchildren  had a good afternoon at your local  RAF airport. I also went to my exersice class it was good but there was only 5 of us there i expected a few more to be there hope they dont cancel it ,my son enjoyed London with his partner and her kids  he sent photos of them they all looked as if they were having a good time.not doing much this week  every thing i do has stopped now till September , so feel a bit sad  have had a good cry again over the weekend some times it feels as if im  not moving  on i know hubby would wont me to be happy but its hard at times enjoy your week Regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Glad you were able to find something to got with the trousers for the wedding.  I love separates as they can be used so many ways. 

I have just returned from spending the weekend with old friends and it was very relaxing.  Only just over an hours travelling.We enjoyed mixed weather but mad the most of our catch up time and also enjoyed a meal out on Saturday night.  Their grand-daughter spends time helping out at local stables (which gives her reduced price riding on their ponies) and we popped along to see her favourite horse and also into the local tack shop.  Unbelievably they were selling handbags (leather/suede) at the bargain price of £5 so I treated myself.  Also found a new evening top at one of their charity outlets which once washed and ironed will go with black cropped trousers when we all go to a 70th birthday party next weekend (another couple of days away).  August is going to be pretty busy as also have my daughter and grandsons coming to stay for five days so have booked a couple of days off work to make the most of their visit).

I am glad the exercise class went okay and hopefully we will get some better weather so  that we can enjoy the outside and then before we know it September will be here and your get-togethers will resume.Sometimes if feels hard to fill the void and we are understandable a bit down but you have taken some baby steps forward and should be proud of yourself on those achievements.

Glad that your son, his partner and the children enjoyed the trip to London. I am going up there next Friday as have tickets to the Bat out of Hell musical.  Am going with my friend from work and we have decided to go up after lunch and then enjoy a wander round before having a pre-show dinner somewhere. Have not been to a musical for a good few years but am really looking forward to this one  as love their music.

Take care of yourself and chat soon.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, glad you had a nice few days catching up with  old friends its nice when  you can get together   and chat  and have a nice meal as well, must be nice to look forward to your daughter and granchildren  coming to see you next month im sure you will have some nice treats planned for them.have been out for Sunday lunch today with my son and his  partner and her kids we only went to the local pub  but it was very nice . glad you have tickets for  the musical in London im sure you will love it, im afraid i dont like musicals i tried one once and  left at half time  as i coudnt cope  with it  i havnt been to one since lol. i am hopeing to go into town tomorrow to pick my mobile phone up i had to take it back to the shop as it suddenly went dead on me , im not having much luck latley with phones,  not had george out much this week as the weather  has not been that good  hope its a bit better this week  .i some times wonder how Debbie is  hope she is doing ok. Regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you are managing okay and bet George is missing his walks as the weather here has  been a bit dismal to say the least.  Your Sunday meal with your son and partner/kids sounds enjoyable and I do love going out for lunch and avoiding the cooking and clearing up!!

Hope the mobile phone is back where it belongs and working okay.  Really annoying when the technology wont work though it makes  you wonder how we all managed 'in the good old days'.

I too hope Debbie is moving forward and coping day to day; it is all any of us can do and I am sure she would pop on and post if she needed to.

I had a reasonable couple of work shifts this week and once I have caught up with the housework am planning a nice day out tomorrow. My friend and I decided to go into London after lunch and have a wonder round before eating an early dinner before our theatre visit. I think my love of musicals started in childhood as my parents both loved them and we saw several when I was growing up.  It obviously helps if you like the music in the first place!  The last one I went to was the one based around Abba songs as my Mum wanted to go again (she had been with my Dad but he was  not so keen on this one) so I treated her for a birthday and then she took me along!  My friend and I celebrate our birthdays a month apart so we are going as a treat to ourselves half way between the two occasions.  It will be a late night but they do not happen often these days (well not socially anyway).  On Saturday I am also out in the evening as a friend has a meal for her 70th. I will stay overnight with friends and return home on Sunday and then begin the countdown to when family comes to stay.  A couple of outings planned weather permitting (otherwise the cinema will do) as they are catching up with friends around where they used to live and it will give my eldest grandson a chance of meeting old school mates.  The biggest planning will be for food though this will only be for two evenings as we are out on the other nights.  Luckily they are not fussy eaters but I am finding the shopping list growing!

Hope you have a pleasant weekend and take care of  yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Jules  ,thought i would  speak to you before the weekend you sound very busy for the next  few days i carnt keep up with you,picked my phone up Saturday  lets hope its ok now,  been to my exersice class this afternoon it was a bit better today as there was six of us hope it continues  as its always better when theres more of you . have you any plans to retire  or do you like  going to work, i know a lot of people  like to carry on working  as it  keeps them young, i carried on working 12 month after hubby  as i only worked part time any way , my hubby  wasnt well  just after i retired  so we  didnt do the things   we would have liked to have done. i have  got my wedding reception friday with my daughter ,i wish it was hubby with me i know he would have loved it,they are getting married in  a hotel and the rest of the day is spent there i have never been but it is supposed to be very nice but posh i will have to put  my best posh voice on lol have a lovely weekend with your friends regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

To be honest I can hardly keep up with myself either!  It seems as though all my social events are rolling into each other but I expect it will quieten down soon enough so need to enjoy them.

I really cannot afford to retire just yet (another four years before I get state pension due to the change in draw down dates).  Gone are the days when you got it at 60 (I will be 67 by the time I qualify).  My part time shifts help with the bills and to be honest actually give my week focus.  Mind you I would not mind giving up sooner if I could manage financially ha ha.  My hubby never reached retirement age so did not have that time together so perhaps just as well I had a little job.

I hope  you manage to enjoy the wedding reception and nice that you had your daughter along for company. 

I really did enjoy my weekend. Went up to London with my friend on Friday afternoon so that we could enjoy a mosey around Covent Garden and also visited the National Gallery before having pre-theatre dinner.  The show was brilliant and the cast very good at interpreting the music. Theatre was full and there was a 10min standing ovation at the end.  We would  both go again but it is just a short run until the 22nd so would not manage it at this theatre.  Can only hope they tour with it and perhaps get another chance.   Was hope before mid-night and then up and off again the following morning catching the train to Buckinghamshire and my friends.  After a light lunch we went to their local horticultural show for a wander and then in the evening helped our mutual friend celebrate her 70th birthday.  A lovely three course meal and then dancing to a live singer (mainly motown music).  She had requested no gifts but instead held a collection for a local charity close to her heart.  A total of just under £600.00 was raised quite overwhelming. I travelled home by mid-day Sunday and had avoided the rain completely so when I got in went straight out and mowed the lawn as it really needed doing.  Quite warm so stayed out there for my tea and had a read too.

Hope this week's exercise class is just as enjoyable as last week and perhaps you will have George out for a walk too if the weather permits.  Lots of grey clouds here at the moment but has been dry so went to the gym and then for a walk around local shops and now as the washing is dry there is ironing ahead!

Take care of yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Jules ,glad you had a good time with your differant friends over the weekend its nice to catch up with people over a nice meal , the wedding reception was nice and the bride looked lovely  we had a buffet about 9 0 clock didnt get home till midnight it made a nice change to go out  on a Saturday night, the weather not to good at the moment  the sun seems to have deserted us at the moment took george out yesterday but it has rained  all afternoon to day , i will be glad when all my activities start up again as i feel quite lonely at the moment  even though i have the class on thursday, my son goes away on Sunday for 2 wk he is going to Mexico with his new family .i think i am going to my daughters for Sunday dinner this week , so will look forward to that. hope you have a nice week  regards Syl x