Hi jules, you sound so busy  i dont know how you keep up with every thing that seems to be going on , your grandchildren must keep you  active i have heard they keep you young as well, i feel quite envious i would love a grandchild i dont think its going to happen any time soon, at the moment i have got my daughters rabbit while she is on holiday,i surpose that will have to do for now lol.the weather here at the moment is hot,not sleeping very well at the moment, but i never do any way.my hedgehog is also still coming for food  my birds are feeding well no sooner is the food out its gone.havnt got anything planned for the weekend again my son is trying to get his house finished ,its a long prosess as he is doing most of it on his own,he works away that dosnt help.my daughter comes back from holiday Sunday morning so hope to see her sometime on sunday  regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, hope your ok  my friendship group started up after the summer break also swimming aerobics it keeps me occupied i to feel  lonely  there are so many things i miss doing with hubby ,one of the things i miss most is taking my next door neighbours dog out we used to jump in the car him driving  me sat with george (the dog) on my knee and off we would go simply things we loved to do, i envy couples that i see  now ,it never used to bother me.hope you have a nice week end i havnt anything planned hope to see my daughter sunday when she comes back from holiday take care Syl x

Hi Syl,

Latest stint of babysitting finished at 10 am this morning and he was a good as gold so was an easy over-nighter.

Having never driven I have always been a walker (right from childhood as my parents did not drive either!) and so do this for pleasure as well as out of neccesity.  This is just my usual way so really nothing to do with losing Hubby though have found it a great way to think things through too.  Have never really thought about aging though losing those we love at young ages was a bit of a wake up call.  Hubby loved his working life so much and was so distressed when his illness caused this to end and along with that his travel experiences too.  It made me sad to see him so bereft.  It is nearly 21 months and though I am moving forward I never forget the 42 years we were a couple.  His strength  remains my inspiration to honour him by doing now what is right for me. Supporting my children/grandchildren if and when I can is taking up his role but it is a privilege. Life is always offering challenges but that was the case before hubby's diagnosis/death and some days I am better at coping than others.  At the beginning and end of every day I am thankful for having had memories that i can now treasure.

Weather permitting I will go walking tomorrow and probably take my camera for company and find somewhere to have lunch out - it beats cooking hands down.  There is a walking group locally but it's the same route every weekend  and that would be too boring for me so will see where my feet take me.

Have just looked out of the window and the robin is using the new birdbath for the first time (that I have seen anyway). Adding a photo.

Hope your daughter has had an enjoyable holiday and you have a lovely catch up tomorrow.  Take care.  Jules x

Hi Debbie

Glad you liked the picture. Have a little area immediately outside the patio doors and this was taken through the glass. Mind you the robins do not scare easily and are very social!

Having read your post to Syl know how difficult you are finding things just now.  Having Sam's brother visiting and finally laying Sam to rest means that everything comes flooding back (not that it ever goes away completely and only time can ease the loss). So hard on all levels but having a good cry gives some release and think is part of the healing process.

Even after nearly 21 months there are still times when I meet someone who needs 'updating' and although I can talk openly about my hubby I now prefer to linger over the good memories rather than his struggle with cancer and death. I also feel that as we had separate social lives, as well as doing things together, (due to him travelling away for his work to far flung places), I had a base to work from once permanently alone even though it took some time to realise it!

I joined a ladies only gym locally six months after hubby died (never set foot in one before this) and it has become my main social hub for general chat. As an only child I do not have siblings to share things with but am getting to grips with most things with my main focus at the moment on getting the house shipshape for my future comfort and eventual legacy to the family.  Am also having to encourage the kids to live their own lives in the knowledge that they worry about me more now, but they know where I am anytime they want support (it is certainly mutual).

Am still managing my two shifts at work each week  though at times would dearly love being able to walk away but for now needs must and it is probably a good thing especially with winter approaching as it gives a bit of structure to my week.  Thankfully I love to walk and whatever the weather I am usually out for several hours during the day and not adverse to walking in the evening either if I find myself 'over-thinking'.

Another cloudy start here today so am setting off to the gym and then hoping to walk several miles (to local lido/woodland) with my camera (do not have a dog to walk ha ha) and find a nice spot for a bite of lunch. Always amazing to see how many people eat alone so does not seem so strange any more.

Take care and hugs returned.  Jules xx

What a  lovely photo,that would win a prize in a competition you should send it to your local newspaper. i got the day wrong for my daughters return she came home the early hours monday not sunday as i thought ,she enjoyed the holiday evev though the beaches were not as good as  Hiya Napa where they went last year,she is off work this week taking me to the pictures this Thursday to see the new bridget jones film then  something to eat at a place called  frankie and bennys i have never been before, she goes  quite often so it must be ok. i still like taking George out for a walk even though i am still having trouble with my breathing, i have got a appointment at the hospital 24 October to see if they can find out whats wrong.its a nice day here hope to cut my lawn later its a bit damp at the moment will take George out first then hopefully get my lawn done.i to treasure the memories of my hubby and all the thing we did over the years, it seems so unfair  he worked so hard all his life some times doing 2 jobs to put money away for his retirement he  only gave up work nearly 3 years ago we didnt really do much as he wasnt  well enough its awful what life throws at you at times. Regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, glad you have sorted the memorial for Sam it is a place you can go to and remember him and put flowers there i dont have somewhere to go  i will go to the crem to put flowers in a vase, i  alos have these awful feelings of loneliness more now the nights are getting darker ,even though i go out  to nights a week i still come home to a empty house hope you feel a little bit better now take care Syl x