Hi Debbie, nice to hear off you not been to good my self lately, seem to be crying a lot some times i dont even know why , hubbys brother gets married on saturday it will be bitter sweet as he wont be with me,my son will be there my daughter is on holiday ,hope i  can hold it together would hate to spoil it by crying. I to am not looking  forward to the dark nights there long enough now,but its something we all have to face .take care Syl x

Hi Syl

I also find family occasions difficult and rather emotional.  We had the youngest grandson's christening a few months after hubby's death and it felt so alien attending without him by my side.  I also fond it emotionally draining worrying about how I would react before the event so perhaps this is how it is affecting you too.

  I know it is easy to say but even if you do cry it will be fine.  Many people shed tears at weddings even with happiness so do try not to worry too much,  Our son and his fiancee get married next February and I am trying desparately not to over-think my feelings (cannot  begin to think about how my son is going to feel either).  He is going to wear his Dad's watch on the day and pretty sure there will  be lots of deep breaths taken throughout. Sitting at the top table will bring all the memories of when our daughter married 9 years ago back I am sure but I know hubby would want us to enjoy the day and stand proud on his behalf. Hopefully I can carry it off without blubbering but I doubt it.  It will probably start a chain reaction but then weddings have that affect on me anyway.

Whilst having a lot to do on our holiday there were times of complete relaxation when I either swam in the pool (when the kiddies were out of it ha ha) and sitting watching the world go by as I enjoyed al fresco dining at lunch time.  Both my daughter and I found it more emotional when we got back and gathered our thoughts but, having said that, we are lucky to have had good memories to recall as that is not always the case in life.

I hope you and your son manage Saturday's event okay and I am sure it will be a day of mixed emotions for all the family as your hubby's brother will miss having him there too.

There are just so many firsts to get through and some are more of a challenge than others. Today I went and arranged for someone to come and measure my windows for possible new blinds (estimate permitting) and even after nearly 20 months it still feels strange to be making thse decisions on my own. I suppose you get used to it eventually.

Take care and sending hugs.  Jules x

Hi Maria, have not spoke to you before, i lost my husband  6 month ago tomorrow, its hard  some days are better than others, still talk to him every day and kiss his photo ,all you can do is take one day at a time  ,if you feel like having a cry  then cry it will make you feel better, i still cry most days and feel very lonely its something we cant change, we have to hope it gets easier as time goes on  take care Syl x

Hi Jules, glad you had a nice holiday its awful all the things you have to go threw before you start to feel  a bit better.i know how you feel all the things hubby did you have to do or get some one else to do them for you, i never used to worry when there was two of us but its different now. Have felt ok for a few days but some times  i seem to go back and  cry for days dont know if this is normal. hope this weather carries on till saturday for the wedding , they dont get married till 4 0 clock so have plenty of time to get ready ,its 11pm im just going to put the cat out then off to bed i probably wont sleep its to warm here and i dont sleep at the best of times  take care Syl x

Hi Syl

Like you went to bed quite late and then was restless because of the heat and it seemed like I was looking at the clock every hour or so.Up by 5.30 so an early breakfast outside and just logged on before going to work in around 45mins.  A shame to have to spend lovely weather indoors especially as I work on a floor with now windows. Only benefit will be air con I suppose.

To be honest I am not sure if there is a 'normal' way to grieve.  I had the support of hubby's GP (who was at the same practice that I was registered at but had rarely seen her until hubby needed me to go along to his latter appointments). My tears came and went at random and was sometimes surprised at what would set me off. Certainly during the first year, with so many anniversaries to get through, it was tougher but for me time is healing and I can find comfort in the years of memories that I have in my heart.   In early September not only will it be the 20th month since hubby passed but also would have been our 39th wedding anniversary. Last year this seemed to pass in a blur but this year I am more focussed on celebrating his memory and am re-assured that my acceptance of how my life now is would be how he hoped I would move forward. There are always challenges in our lives and I see this as one I am coming to terms with in my own way.

  My mother was widowed at 82 and for a few years at least coped really well and despite not having a close relationship with her (due to her suffering with bi polar depression for most of her adult life) she certainly showed that  you can do things for yourself and she even went abroad for holidays. My Dad had been adament that whilst his life had run it's course, ours should continue to be lived while we had the privelege of making the most of it.  Sadly my Mum no longer feels  like this and has to be cared for in a residential home,mainly for her own safety but his words still ring in my ears as a reminder that however emotional it may be, I owe it to the memory of those I have loved and lost to focus on making the most of my own personal journey.  Of course, I do not expect it to be straightforward but with support of my forum buddies and the important people in my life, still take the small steps needed to keep going and set myself mini goals and feel chuffed when I manage to achieve them. No doubt hubby is somewhere grinning at my attempts!

Fingers firmly crossed that the good weather holds for your family wedding on Saturday and that among the emotions (both happy and sad) you find a way to enjoy the special occasion. I am spending the weekend with friends and looking forward to relaxing in their garden watching the red kites soaring above .  Take care and be kind to yourself as you take those small steps.  Jules x

Hi Jules , the wedding  went well  had a lovely day it was nice to catch up with his brothers including the groom, we had a buffay  then at night we had  sausage balms bacon balms and chips they all went down a treat.my hubby would have loved it i didnt cry once but he was on my mind all day wishing he was with me i even put his watch in my bag i felt he was near  as it was his favourite watch .my son slept at mine  so  this morning we had bacon on toast, just been out  for sunday lunch, im back on my own now ,bank holiday monday tomorrow might go out with my daughter tomorrow as she has been away for a few days in Amsterdam, hope you have a nice bank holiday regards Syl x

Hi Syl

So pleased to hear that you and your son enjoyed the family wedding.  I do think we have a tendendcy to imagine the worst of how we will feel before these events but somehow get carried away with the joy of the occasion which thankfully is usually easier than we think it will be (so far for me anyway!!).  I love the fact that your carried your hubby's watch with you too.  To be honest our loved ones are never far from our thoughts in our day to day lives so as we make new memories these are 'add ons' to those already held in our hearts.

Hope your daughter had a good time in Amsterdam. Had a long weekend there a good few years ago (agroup of about 10 of us) and loved the galleries, museums and visiting the bulb fields.  Would not mind returning some time.

Spent the weekend with long term friends; very relaxing though the weather was a little unsettled.  Of course now I am home again it has been a beautiful day.  Trying to keep myself occupied this week and will probably get out into the garden if possible on the days I am not working as the time is well spent and am now beginning the task of tidying pre autumn.  Had a tree surgeon friend of my sons round on Friday to cut down two unwanted palms (seeded from my neighbours but starting to block my light) and also an old yucca plant which had outgrown it's space and with rather spiteful leaves decided it was time to dispose of it.  My two grandsons were soon using the resulting 'stump' as a play zone so will keep that for them.

Hope you are keeping well and do take care,  Jules xx

Hi Debbie, i have never  had a dream of my hubby  which  annoys  me as he is on my mind most nights before i go to sleep, it probablyis because its nearly 12 month  for you ,it was my birthday  1st sep i had a nice day  my son took me for a pub lunch and my daughter came round after work, after they had left i had a cry wishing my hubby  was celebrating with me. i surpose its only natural  we think like this in the first year. take care Syl x