Hi Debbie, hope you get  threw Thursday ok ,my hubby died in feb it was our anniversary in March it was awful, but you  just have to get on with things . not felt to bad these last few days  go to swimming aerobics twice a week but it finishes soon for summer.i am surpposed to be going to Buxton in a few week with the friendship group im in  im not  sure  if  to go yet .The last time i was on a train i was with my hubby dont wont to get upset and ruin it for every one regards Syl x

Hi Syl, stay strong I know it's hard, feeling the same as you think it is possibly because it's holiday season and people are off on their hols and I know I can never do that again with Sam breaks my heart. Nothing is the same without him he was such a fun and cheerful person and is missed by a lot of people, but we have to carry on and just hope as time passes it will get easier, I am finding it hard building a new life without him. Take care and enjoy the BBQ love Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Syl

I know it's not easy when you have to deal with health problems without that added support.  You miss your soul mate even more and it has to come back to that one day at a time routine to be able to cope. It takes up and down days but come and chat whenever you need some company.  I would have replied earlier but for some reason only just got notification through on my e mail; apologies.  The weather in Middlesex is lovely just now so hope it's the same where you are and you enjoy time with your daughter and get the BBQ going.

I have been out to the gym and holiday shopping this morning and am just watching Davis Cup Tennis before heading outside and enjoying the garden for a few hours (hopefully get more into my book as my concentration is beginning to return more freely now). Tomorrow my daughter and I are having a day out together whilst my son in law has fun with the boys so can look forward to that.  Take care and hope your health improves soon.  Jules x

Hi Debbie

All the firsts seem to take their toll in one form or another.  I am taking the kids/grandchildren away for a week soon and it just feels so very strange not to have hubby beside me.  He loved to travel (did a lot on business trips too) and family time is always special.  I h ave craftily put off the holiday alone step for another year though have managed a couple of  day tours alone.  It will never be the same of course but in his memory and for my own sanity, I need to enjoy these moments and we are helping to support each other when needs arise.  Thank goodness for the forum, my friends here and the couple who have stood by my side throughout this hard experience are still keeping me going.  When I have a down day or two I am learning to accept them as the 'norm' given the circumstances -not sure what elseI can do to be honest.

Have a peaceful weekend.  Jules x

Hi Jules, didnt get to BBQ weather not that good , ended up having fish and chips with my son,its lovly you having a holiday with your family its some thing to look forward to,dont think i could go any where at the moment think its to soon,i am going  for a cream tea later with my friend at a church near where i live. iam at the dr  this coming week for a ECG hopeing things will be ok take care Syl x

Hi Debbie, didnt get to the BBQ weather not that good ended up having fish and chips with my son,my hubby sounds just like sam always laughing and fullof fun he also had the gift of the gab ,he would talk to any one even if he didnt know them. having a cream tea later with a friend its in a church near where i live ,it allso doubles up as a community centre .at the dr this week hope things will be ok take care  Syl x

Hi Syl

What a shame that you missed out of the BBQ but hope it was nice spending time with your son nonetheless and I love a bit of fish and chips.  Much better weather here and I had breakfast in the garden at 7 am - only the second time this year. 27 degs this afternoon!! though I was out at the shopping centre with my daughter.  Did the usual and had a long lunch and then a mooch around but was lucky enough to find a dress for my son's wedding next year and my daughter found a few bits for the holiday.   We did two mini breaks in this country last year but they were 'stress relievers'  more than natural holidays. This will be my first holiday abroad for 5 years and am hoping that we can all have a relaxing few days.

  We all do things at different time scales and when it feels right then we take a little step forward. I learnt a lot when my Dad passed away( over 8 yrs ago now) and my Mum was then 82 and travelled to Switzerland on a couple of occasions before it became too much for her, healthwise. She said it was important to have something good to focus on  and found it easier being out of her flat to gather her thoughts.  She amazed us as was not the social animal that my Dad was (he would, and often did, chat to anyone who would listen ha ha, much the same as my hubby to be honest).

I bet the cream time with you friend was lovely.  Hope your ECG proves to be routine check and all will be well.  My daughter has these fairly regularly as she has a divided heart chamber that has to be kept an eye on.  Thankfully her last check a few months back was all good and they have set her next appointment for a year's time.

Be kind to yourself and take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, yes the fish and chips were nice it is really hot here for now like it is for the whole of the country ,makes a nice change to see the sun shining my cream tea with my friend was very nice must have put on a few pound with all the lovely cakes we had . Glad your daughter was ok with heart result, i feel ok at the moment but im well aware it  could change at any time, its part of the grieving prosess so i have been told..are you going any where nice for your holiday abroad ,its a  few years since  i went abroad with my hubby,i think the last holiday  we had was a cruise round the med it was very nice .kind regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Beautiful day yesterday and after visiting my Mum and the gym I returned to the coolness of my lounge (all doors and windows open so there was a through breeze.  This was fine until I came to shut the front windows mid evening when one of them would not close! Just a bit of a security concern so rang my daughter and she popped round and reckoned it had expanded in the heat!!!  Got in touch with the window company (thank goodness he was a friend of hubby's) as they only been in a few months and the fitter popped round, confirmed the diagnosis but was strong enough to pull it back to shape and mission accomplised in getting it shut, locked and thus secure. Phew, cannot believe how vulnerable I felt with the thought it would not be able to be locked. Still all good now so can go to work todayand enjoy the air con!

I am so pleased you enjoyed your cream tea but do have to agree that the emotional rollercoaster of grief  is not an easy one to fathom at times.  Very much an up,down, up, down journey but nearly 19 months on I can say that personally I think  it does get easier over time.

As to our family holiday we are going to the Algarve and will be staying in a villa in the old town area of Albufeira.  It is in the residential area away from the coastal 'mayhem' but close enough that we can walk to the town to eat in the evenings. It is like history repeating itself in that Iwent to the Algarve as a teenager with my parents, we took the children  there when they were 5 & 8 and now returning with the grandchildren.  I think hubby would approve as he loved to travel and feel it is a good way to honour his legacy to us all.  My last holiday abroad was some 8 months before he was diagnosed, when we had a week in Turkey (it was here that I really noticed his breathing problems and he was none to pleased when I mentioned them) and  shortly afterwards he had a chest infection followed by a company medical (his boss was also worried about him so set this up) and the diagnosis after nearly five months of tests etc was, of course, life changing.  Being away with the family this time will be more manageable but I have begun to request brochures for UK holidays with the idea of booking a short break alone next year as do not want to be 'afraid to travel' when I need a relaxing break.   Just another of those 'firsts' to get through.  Have done day trips alone so it's slow progress forward hopefully.

Had my breakfast in the garden this morning and must now get myself moving as leave for work in about half an hour.  Have a peaceful day.  Jules x