Hello vera,

I am so sorry to hear your husband passed away a month ago from lymphoma. Everything must feel really raw for you at the moment and many here know exactly how you are feeling as they have also lost a loved one to cancer.

You did well to post and I am sure you will get lots of replies from others who are in a very similar situation.

Our thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Vera, I am so sorry for your loss, I understand how hard this is I lost my Sam six months ago and miss him so much.  There are lots of lovely people on here who are going through this horrible time who will offer good advice and comfort.  Sending hugs xxx Debbie 

I think I must sound quite angry and bitter, resentful even but the truth is I'm bewildered, sad and scared.  I'm terrified of facing the future alone. Once my son leaves I'll be alone and it frightens me almost into a panic. I've never lived alone before. I also realise how utterly selfish this sounds but It's true.

V

Vera, you have a right to be angry and bewildered you have lost your soul mate.  I too feel very bitter towards the health professionals I feel let us down.  Living alone yes that is hard I live alone and it can be very lonely I just try to keep busy, I have no children but have good friends and family, sadly we have to get through this nightmare.  This forum is a good place to come and rant.  Xx Take care.  Debbie 

There are some really lovely people on here who are going through this horrible time, I am guessing Jules, cg and Peach  will see your post soon and offer great comfort as they have to me, I am not great at giving advice but they are great and have helped me enormously.  Love Debbie xxxxx

Hi Vera. Firstly I am sorry about your loss. I lost my husband of forty years in January of this year after a three week battle with cancer. A cancer we did not know he had until then. I'm very confused about it all and feel like you that more could have been done. He had never been ill in his life so it was a great shock. I lived in a very busy family home when young got married and had my own family. I had never lived alone and never had a room to myself. I cry shout and at times laugh. I am lucky I have good friends and very attentive children and grand children. Despite that it's not the same. I can only say that we are on a journey and one which is long hard and leaves us feeling desperate. Think of all your wonderful movies that is that keeps me going. I feel my husband continues to be with me do that helps too. Take care and kindest regards to you. 

Thank You All for being so very kind and for sharing your own stories. I am truly sorry to hear about your losses. This awful disease has robbed us all and I honestly think I'm still in shock.I'm sure it will help me to read other people's experiences and share things.  I have never posted anything before but I'm glad I found this forum.

kind regards to All

Hi Vera

Joining the forum was a very brave start to what is the most difficult of times. My condolences on the loss of your husband. I had longer to come to terms with my husband's illness and joined the forum during that time.  Yet nearly 16mths on from his loss I still find comfort in the words of others as well as trying to offer a little support to  those going through the sad loss of a loved one.

I would say you are probably correct in that as well as grieving you are in shock at having lost your husband so quickly and I think many of us find anger a part of the process (though in our case my hubby's care was very good) which is hard to face.  I still find it hard to think that my hubby had no retirement (being nearly 63 when he died) and feel guilty at being able to move forward with my own life journey. I had never lived alone either though do have children and grandchildren. I managed in the early days by coping one day at a time and had a month off work (on advice of GP). It's probably easy for me to say now but after about six months I felt more able to manage my own life and with the help of family and friends and this forum I am able to let the good memories take the place of the difficult days.  Nothing can be the same as it was but the rawness of initial loss lessens. Come and chat anytime you feel the need and we all have a good rant from time to time and many of us cry whilst doing so. We have loved and lost and will never forget though in time we can and do move forward.  Sending a virtual hug.Jules54

P.S.I hope  you wont mind me sending Deben and the other postees a virtual hug too.