Oh lovely, I'm truly sorry you're feeling like this. I can't help with knowing what medically happened to your dad, but I just wanted to give you a virtual squeeze. It's hard to deal with something so sudden, especially as you'd just had the elation of his being in remission. You've been through one of the hardest things anyone can go through so be easy on yourself - try not to think about things like if was he scared. I imagine if he was anything like my dad, he wasn't thinking about how scared he felt, he would've been thinking about his family and how he hoped they were OK. I think a lot about what my  dad would want me to be like, and it gets me through the really tough bits. Be strong, and when you're not just be kind to yourself instead xxxxx

Im so sorry to hear about your dad :(. My mum had cancer but died unexpectedly in a operation.

It sounds like you need closure on the situation .. is there any doctors or family you can ask more about what happened? Im sure he just wanted to make sure his family were ok and he would want you to be happy and try think about the positive memories with him instead of worrying.

Always here if you need to talk xx