Hi Worried, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  It's quite normal to feel the way you are doing at the moment, and please dont worry about how other family members appear to be coping better than yourself. Everyone deals with grief diffferently, and also have different coping skills.  Perhaps inside they are feeling the same way as yourself. There will be good days and bad days and I understand the waves you speak of,  I lost my mum many years go now, but I can remember the waves of grief quite clearly, they just appeared out of nowhere, and I would burst in to tears without any warning. Its good to hear that you are being counselled, this should help and please talk to your Counsellor as you have done here.  Guilt and sadness are also part of the grieving process and I'm sure your mum wouldnt want you to stay indoors as you are doing.  They say time is a great healer and it certainly is, and Im sure in time the pain you are feeling now will pass. Try to take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.  Its still early days. :)

Hello

I think the first thing I'd say is that many if not most of us experience what you're feeling - infact you've put it very well indeed.

This "waves" thing - odd isn't it? you kind of forget that there's anything amiss for a while and then a wave of realisation of rememberance overcomes you  and you feel so deflated.

And that unrealness if they walked in the door right now it would seem the most natural thing in the world and everything would be back the same as it was.

My wife died back in October and while I'm recovering very well indeed I still forget and think "Oh I must tell Mel that...Oh! yes right!" I think that will go on for a long time.

That guilty feeling is something you need to get on top of. It's pretty common when we lose someone like this we start to think of what we could have done to have made it better or to have stopped it from happening I don't know the cirumstance but unless you had a habbit of bringing radioactive isotopes into the house I'm betting that there really was not hing you could have done that would have changed this. ;c)

The thing is that your mind plays tricks on you in these times and rather gangs up on you I know a lot of councillors are big into confronting your issues but I found that in these times really you're just not strong enough to - not yet and if these feelings these memories are so overpowering then you have to train yourself to avoid them so going places and enjoying yourself is good - it's what your mother would have wanted and it helps you heal - think of pleasure as an emotional bandage

If you're anything like me you find that you keep coming back to the most painful memories - don't let that happen get up do something you've been putting off, distract yourself in some way. You wont lose these memories - trust me that isn't going to happen but in time they will become bearable. I was with my wife when she died and I simply couldn't bring myself to recall that in the first months without breaking down but now it's becoming bearable and writing this it comes to mind now and there is just a gentle sadness where once was an unbearable grief.

Forgive me if I'm wrong but I get the feeling you're not that old - my daughter was just 21 when my wife, her mother died. When she came to see her for the last time Mel was unconcious with feeding and breathing tubes and she couldn't stay she left after about 30 seconds saying she wanted to remember her as she was and I think perhaps that was wise - she's also recovered very well finishing University at the moment and continuing her social life.

6 months on here there is sadness and acceptance and healing - it may take more than 6 months for you but it will come. Maybe in time you'll have friends who have lost their parents and feel the same as you do now and you'll be able to sit with them and tell them the same thing it will come