It's been 25 long days since I lost my boyfriend to leukaemia. He passed away surrounded by love in his home, 2 weeks after his 19th birthday. My heart aches everyday, and I can't seem to get any relief. I know it's early days - but everything is such a struggle. Sleep used to be my escape, but now I get harrowing nightmares involving him. We were together for almost 3 years, which is a long time when you're 19. Our whole life was planned out to the smallest detail - get a degree, move in together in Edinburgh, get engaged in Rome, have 3 children. Now I'm left as one half of a couple, one half of our memories, one half of a heart. It's hard to see so many happy couples together, it sounds silly but I crave his touch and his voice. I wish I could talk to someone in a similar circumstance, but there seems to be nobody. I go to a bereavement councillor who is lovely, but nothing seems to help. I hope one day I can feel like myself again, and live life twice as big - for him. Cancer took his life away, but it sure as hell won't take mine.
