I lost my daughter 3 weeks ago.She was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. She went for a routine blood test due to joint pain.We live away from the UK mainland and by the next night she was in hospital away from home.3 weeks of chemo and tests followed andcshecwas so brave.She was told she could soon go home for a few days before more treatment.She suddenly contracted an infection and within 2cdays was in critical care on a ventilator.She died on November 26th 2017 leaving a 13 year old boy,She was divorced and had brought him up alone .I can't accept she is gone,I feel so much guilt that I couldn't protect her and that I could have given her the infection.i was a huge part of their life.My grandson is now with his father who treated my daughter very badly,I'm so frightened I will not be able to see him when I want to,his heart is broken and I'm not there.i don't think I will ever smile or laugh again.im struggling to keep going,her funeral is 2 days away .I feel my life is over

I lost my daughter 3 weeks ago.She was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. She went for a routine blood test due to joint pain.We live away from the UK mainland and by the next night she was in hospital away from home.3 weeks of chemo and tests followed andcshecwas so brave.She was told she could soon go home for a few days before more treatment.She suddenly contracted an infection and within 2cdays was in critical care on a ventilator.She died on November 26th 2017 leaving a 13 year old boy,She was divorced and had brought him up alone .I can't accept she is gone,I feel so much guilt that I couldn't protect her and that I could have given her the infection.i was a huge part of their life.My grandson is now with his father who treated my daughter very badly,I'm so frightened I will not be able to see him when I want to,his heart is broken and I'm not there.i don't think I will ever smile or laugh again.im struggling to keep going,her funeral is 2 days away .I feel my life is over

So much sorrow.  It is heartbreaking to read these stores of child loss.   Finleynan, don't beat yourself up about whether you gave your daughter the infection.   Your daughter's doctors considered she was okay to have a break at home and there is no reason to think that you caused the infection.  I can understand that you go over and over the events but it is unlikely that you played a part.  Have you been having contact with your son-in-law and grandson since the death?  This is not a time to replay old arguments and I am sure that you want to do the best for your grandson. That seems to be the important thing now.  You might like to talk to the Cruse bereavement service; their Freefone number is 0808 808 1677 and they are well-established in this field.  Sorry if I am sticking my nose in but I so wanted to reply to your post.

Annueliz you are not sticking your nose in at all,It's good not to feel so alone,my daughter didn't ever get home for a visit in the end I worry I carried something in with me.We have had contact with my ex son in law,grandson was staying with us whilst his mother was in hospital as he had little contact with his father,after her death my grandson asked for his dad so we contacted him and he does seem to be stepping up.We helped to settle them in to my daughter's home as my grandson was so desperate to go home with his stuff and his cats.i feel like I am treading on eggshells.i had a lot of contact with my daughter and grandson and she usually sought my advice on things.Now I have to be so careful. I made the mistake of saying about how my daughter used to do something and ex son in law got a bit annoyed,they were such a huge part of our lives.She was so happy this year,happily single and had a job she loves and was making so many plans with her son.Her house is a housing association property and her ex husband was still named on tenancy so moved in to lo9k after my grandson,housing association have been horrible and say they may not be able to stay.All my grandson memories of his mum are there and he just wants to stay there.Its all too much ,so much worry with all of this stuff and the costs of funeral etc.I feel unable to spend time grieving and have to pretend to be brave .I shut myself in the bathroom to cry and in bed at night,I can't sleep.I miss her so much .Thanks for your kind thoughts x

Thanks for your longer post.  I spent almost my entire career working for the local council managing  - over the years - all aspects of council housing management.  I would advise you and your ex-son-law to get together to put in writing a letter explaining why it is so important for your grandson to stay in his home.  Also, bear in mind that the housing association cannot force your grandson and his father to leave without a court order. If they do decide to try to evict then they will have to serve a notice saying they are going to seek possession.  That usually expires after 28 days after which they can apply to the local county court for a possession order. It will take them a few weeks to get a court date (or longer) and your son-in-law will be notified of this. If it comes to that then you should both attend the court hearing to explain your case to the judge.  County courts are not as frightening as criminal courts athough I realise all courts are frightening if you are not used to them.  In the years when I used to attend these court hearings for the council there were always people on hand to give the residents advice.  For free.  I think it unlikely they would really try to evict but you never know.  Of course if they did evict then the local council would have a legal obligation to rehouse them but that is not the issue here; your grandson needs to stay in his familiar surroundings.    So many stresses at this time; pleae look after yourself.  Feel free to ask me if you want any information about the husing and I will try to help.

I understand that you feel you are treading on eggshells with your ex-son-in-law; this is not an easy time for anyone but you both should make an effort to keep things friendly as you both have your grandson's needs as your priority.  Once your ex-son-in-law realises that you are not deliberately giving him a hard time then hopefully things will calm down a bit.

Hi i read all the posts from everyone and was so touched i lost a grandchild and my parner liz she was misdiagnosed finaly when she had her first chemo monday on friday morning had a major stroke leaving her parilized and barely able to talk she contracted sepsis and died 4 am sunday morning what made me reply to your post you mentioned you causing infection trust me you didnt i checked lizs temp twice a day no warning at all the specialist said he had seen people go in 8 hours cancer and chemo etc it flattens your immunity so infections run riot and you know we have bugs up aur noses on our skin in our mouths that normaly dont bother us but when we get weak they all of a sudden get in our blood streams and round they go damaging our organs allso just regurgitating a bit of food a cough and it goes into your lungs so take heart in the fact that theres no blame on you as i said i felt that guilt till i studied it and realised it was nothing i did or in your case you did. i felt that pain to did i do enough i should have done that guilt seems to go with grief and it realy hurts i blamed myself two that i couldnt save liz because she trusted me but if drs cant how can we .so best wishs to you .paul

Hi Paul.i have only just seen this sfter all this time, only today I have been worrying about the guilt .I've made myself I'll with the worry, signed off work, just cant cope with life.If you should see this post please know how grateful I have been today for your kind words.Thank you x

Thats ok i i ho its getting a bit easier you know sometime people just need to get it out and reply bit like a diary realy . Yes its that guilt that comes with the trouble is we need someone to blame or be angry at but in this case theres th one to blame so we blame ourselve seems to be part of the haealing process but dosnt it hurt and when you think back we knock ourselves out for no reason no matter how much we cared or looked after we will find some silly thing to blame ourselve for but its not real the shrinks call it false guilt thanks for teplying dont worry how long it took its a long lonely road but the pain does dwindle revards paul