It's been a month now since my father passed..I can't believe how time has gone by..I'm still in disbelief he is really not here..he was such a part of my Life..of EveryDay Of My Days..Not having him around has been so difficult 2deal with..we had a routine & it's been hard adjusting 2going 2sleep & him not being there..waking up during the night as I was use2 & the feeling sink in..I seem 2have this constant knot kinda feeling in my stomach..I try not2 cry unless I'm just over come with emotion..but aside from that I'm ok..I just don't understand why I feel like I'm grieving my father again like it was yesterday..I can't even go 2the cemetery as my sisters have done..is it normal 2feel that way or Not ready?i have beautiful flowers near his picture which I find comforting..Nice pretty colors..don't know if any1 has felt this way or understands how it is2 feel this way.
seem to be a lot of people having a rough time with grief at the moment - maybe it's a bit of spring in the air doing it who knows.
I think maybe you're hitting the post funeral low? that time when all the turmoil and emotion of the funeral has come and everybody else has hugged you and told you how wonderful he was and have gone back to their lives leaving you with a big hole in yours.
The way I see it is that most of us have some really tough memories of our loved ones last days - for some there maybe the whole time is impossible to remember without pain for me it's just really the last 24 hours or so.
When you start thinking ofthese difficult memories you get overcome with a big wave of emotion that you just can't handle. You're just not ready to think of those difficult things - I'm guessing you know what they are that set you off.
The secret is not to let you mind have free reign to wander all over your painful memories - I'm not saying not to think of your father or even not to think of the painful times - just not now you're not up to it.
Thje grief will ambush you - you'll have noticed this I'm sure all of a sudden it'll catch you unawares and you'll be thinking those painful thoughts and boom you're a mess.
So you need to develop strategies for when you get caught - don't allow yourself to dwell on those trigger points. have a stack of nice things to remeber from years ago when he was well and try to switch your thinking to those - have some activity whether it's making a cup of coffee or some exercise or something you like doing - have it to hand so you can go and do it and divert your mind. I was saying on another thread how many jobs I've been putting off for years I've now got done - its amazing!
You have a nasty little man called grief between your ears and given half a chance he will stick his needle into the parts of your brain that hurt the most - don't let him
In time the immediacy of all this will pass andthe pain will dull - this happens to millions of people and they survive and so will you and you'll be able to look back with mild sadness and afection.
And when that happens you will be able to come on this forum and find someone who has recently lost someone they loved very dearly and is hurting like you hurt now and you'll beable to tell them "I was where you are now - I survived and so will you"
Thank U 4the reply..yes I think it is every1 back 2their routine..working or going on with their normal life & me being my fathers care taker now find myself with 2much time on my hands..but yes I know I need2 keep myself busy..move forward & let time heal..once again Thank U!
hi i'm just like you my dad has got lung cancer so i don't know how to cope but to me nothing has changed he still the handsome daddy i have allways has and never changed because of his illness
Hello..sorry 4Ur Loss, my father had Lung Cancer..as I mentioned in a prior post.. He passed the same week he was diagnosed..we learned he had Cancer on a Tuesday & he passed that Friday of the same week. Hope U as well as Ur family are doing well.
Hi Graham, sorry I haven't been back on here sooner but it was such a shock and 4 weeks into his radiotherapy. l have just been on a roller coaster since his diagnosis and it feels so surreal. I am trying to come to terms with what has happened and feel so empty. He went from just having a sore throat to passing away after 10 weeks. Thank you for you previous response it was kind of you to reply. We finally had the funeral this week but I still feel so lost.
Unfortunately there are still an awful lot of cancer victims that simply go from being apparently as right as rain to collapsing in the street and then passing away in a matter of days and that is a big shock for their famillies but your case is even more traumatic where he was apparently having treatment and I guess he must have succumbed to something undetected very quickly - did the post mortum reach any conclusions to help you get some sort of closure in what happened.
Now this is a hard time shortly after the funeral - everybody goes back to their lives and it seems for them as if nothing much has changed and you're there with a big hole in your life. Expect that it will take time, try and keep busy. Grief is an ambush hunter - you'll probably feel fine sometimes and all of a sudden it will jump out on you and you'll remember and feel awful. You need to develop stategies for what to do when that happens - make a cup of tea, walk the dog, do a job you've been putting off (I've just come in from painting the bathroom just now!) doesn't matter just don't sit and brood no matter how much you feel like it.
It'll take time but you'll be fine bereavement happens to almost everybody at some stage in their lives, look at people walking down the street - did that woman lose a husband? that man a son? in time their pain healed and so will yours
I know you are so right in what you say and it will get easier in time but I wake up every morning or in the middle of the night and it's the first thing I think about, I just can't get it out of my head. I am trying to be strong so I don't upset my family but as soon as I'm alone it hits me all over again. I know I will get through this as many others before me have and it's something we have to go through but I feel so empty and hollow and don't know when this feeling will subside. It does help to come on here though.
Yes the nights can be difficult, if it's anything like my experience you wake up in the early hours thinking about it and then can't get to sleep again. You then can't get back to sleep again for thinking about it.
I quickly realised that when it happened I wasn't going to get back to sleep so I'd get up and wrap myself up on the sofa and watch a film or something. On a good night I might fall asleep again in front of the TV.
And yes I was pretty wasted for a while
Then I got to a point about a month later where I actually started to sleep through and get up only to be hit by the loss about 30 seconds or a minute later. That's easier you can at least shake your head a bit have a cup of tea and get on with whatever you have to do that day.
In time that became the norm and you get more waves of rememberance that hit you occasionally - I had one driving in to work this morning actually, I realised it was going to work me up a bit so I switched on the radio and listened to radio 4 a bit and put it out of my mind.
From the sounds of things I'm healing and getting over things faster than many but I suspect the process is much the same.
