Hey, So sorry your having to go through this. We are in the same position our mum has Stage 4 lung ca with bone mets diagnosed last year. She was once the most independant lady going running around after her grandchildren, never at home as she was shopping or at hair appointments. Now were lucky to see her awake for more than a couple of hours. We've had numerous hospital admissions after chemo made her really poorly. Shes the same can't get up the stairs unless she crawls up them. We lost my husbands dad to exactly the same disease a few years ago so its bringing all the memories back.

Wishing you peaceful days ahead full of some memories that you can cherish. Spend as much time with him as you can, as weve realised time is very very precious xxxx

Hey you don't have to apologise that's what this site is for!

Another site we often recommend is this one http://www.riprap.org.uk which is specially geared towards young people who've parents with cancer.

What you're feeling is grief, it's early because you're seeing the symptoms in your father and thinking forwards to life without him.

That up and down nature of it is common - I always say that grief is an ambush hunter, you're fine and then all of a sudden the remeberance of the situation jumps out on you and bam!

Unfortunately when doctors predict how long someone will live there is a lot of variation in the time people have and for everyone who does amazingly well and outlives the prediction by months or years someone else doesn't go the distance - averages are like that.

When you talk about your mother having to leave the house is this financial worries? Has she spoken to McMillan Cancer support? 

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/ their number is 0808 8080000 they have a finace team there who can call and help people who have financial problems from cancer If your mum hasn't spoken to them get her to do it and see if they can offer some advice.

I know it's a really dark time - my daughter is 22, my son 23 and my wife died in October - 5 months later they're doing well, they're surviving and getting better from it and I'm sure all of you will too   

Hiya, 

Thank you for your kind words and sorry to hear for your loss.  I know what you mean my dad has osteoporosis and we used t laugh with him n take the mik outta him.. I don't see any funny side to it anymore.... My dad's 63 n decided to go for quality of life so no treatment .. unfortunately it's a mixture of reasons why mum has too move but mainly as mum is dads primary carer and has been for several years (for other medical reasons)  when he goes most of my mums income will be stopped and she'd have to go back to work but it's a 4bedroom house with a half acre garden that needs alot of attention so even if she can afford t life there, there's so much maintenance that needs doing it wouldn't be fair for her!! 

There's so much to take into consideration if I could find a way for to stay I bloody well would !!! 

I'm really sorry to hear for your mum!! I agree it's so hard to watch someone so close deteriorate so quickly.. my dad decided against treatment so it's not quite so in and out of the hospital which doesn't surprise me coz he's a stubborn old git n would rather be laying in bed watching his western film (wearing his cowboy hat) with a bloody flag in his mouth!!! Bloody men !!

Your dad sounds fabulous, the cowboy hat and the flag made me smile.  I do admire him for deciding against treament...  My father in law has stage 4 colon with extensive mets.  He tried chemo for a year but it grew anyway and he had a lot of side effects.  For what its worth I think quality over quantity is sometimes better.  Big hug to you and your sisters/mum x

oh darling I know the feeling, i am going through it. dad was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and he fought it like a warrior but his poor little heart could not take it anymore and gave up on jan 30th. is the most awful feeling not being able to help them