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I lost my dad to cancer,

Grannygoof
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Hi,

My names Katie i lost my daddy to cancer on the 22nd of July 2014, i miss him everyday, people close to me say that it will get easier, its been 18 months and it is getting harder and harder each day, ive actually started to hate everyone and everything, putting that fake smile on my face is getting harder each day and people are noticing, he was on 46 when he died of termianl bone cancer after suffering from cancer for 3 years and he was what made my life perfect, and when i lost him i lost everything, i have no other family to support me and at the time i was 21 and people my age don't ever fully understand. Every ones loss is diffrent but i know alot of people on her have lost, i feel like ive given up on life, and in fact i do not actually care for my life, but then this makes me feel guilty because my dad lost his life early and he had so much he wated to do, i know this may sound selfish but thats why im here, my only goal in life was to make my dad proud, and right now he will be sat screaming at me for giving up, i dont want to give up i keep trying, i need to change my though process or find diffrent ways of coping.

Seems like a long shot and ive never really done anything like this but im open to suggestions, ive lost two people to cancer and i dont want to loose my life because of the trauma from it. 

im sorry for all your losses :(

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    Hi

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer last March and was told it was terminal. Lately he is looking so weak and poorly it hurts to watch him as he is. Unlike you I am in my forties and have siblings but we are not close so I cannot talk to them. I do not see my dad as much as they do due to certain reasons. I find it really hard to accept he will not be around much longer. I cannot sleep at night or focus on my work. On my last visit he gave me such s tight hug it bought tears to my eyes on my drive home and ever since. I am trying to find ways to cope . I am not very religious but lately go to pray for him. I even ask God that he gets completely free and recovers. It does seem to help to be in that religious environment when I am there but when I leave I have so much anger and helpless feeling. I am not sure how I will cope when the inevitable happens but if I am like this now I don't think I will cope well. 

    I do not know how to convince you that it will get better at least that's what people say. But in the 2 days I have joined this forum you will find everyone is people here are willing to listen and I think at times it helps to talk to people who are going through or been through loss. I do hope you find your strength to move forward and make your dad proud.

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