My heart goes out to you and I wonder how you are managing. 

My husband died six months ago, he was 55, we were married for 24 happy years

From diagnosis to end : 8 weeks... It seems unacceptable..as if it could not be true..but it is...I am lucky to have support from family amd friends, but none, luckily, of them have lost their partner, I feel so lost and heartbroken

I really dont know what to do with myself and how to cope with everything I feel and think..

Hi moonand stars .... Thank you for replying to me. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

How do you get through this .... I am at a loss! I feel like I am on a roller coaster , one day I seem to be ok and coping and then another , like today, I am really struggling. I keep crying and although I am trying to keep busy , still my head is crowded with thoughts. 

Like you , I feel lost and heartbroken , and like you , I have good friends to support me, but nobody can truly know the pain, the anger and the hurt that this terrible disease has brought unless like us , you experience it. And how I wish we had never had to experience it.....the grief is indescribable to others. People keep asking me how I am? I have no idea how I am , so I just say I'm fine, but of course I'm not !!!!

My husband was 8 months from diagnosis to passing, but 8 weeks , for you, you must have found that unbelievable. I just can't believe that I will never see him again. His funeral was on Monday and I get his ashes back this Monday so I know they will bring me some comfort, but nothing will every replace him .

Please keep in touch.... It helps me to know that I am not alone on this terrible journey 

Paddock x

Hi moonand stars .... Thank you for replying to me. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

How do you get through this .... I am at a loss! I feel like I am on a roller coaster , one day I seem to be ok and coping and then another , like today, I am really struggling. I keep crying and although I am trying to keep busy , still my head is crowded with thoughts. 

Like you , I feel lost and heartbroken , and like you , I have good friends to support me, but nobody can truly know the pain, the anger and the hurt that this terrible disease has brought unless like us , you experience it. And how I wish we had never had to experience it.....the grief is indescribable to others. People keep asking me how I am? I have no idea how I am , so I just say I'm fine, but of course I'm not !!!!

My husband was 8 months from diagnosis to passing, but 8 weeks , for you, you must have found that unbelievable. I just can't believe that I will never see him again. His funeral was on Monday and I get his ashes back this Monday so I know they will bring me some comfort, but nothing will every replace him .

Please keep in touch.... It helps me to know that I am not alone on this terrible journey 

Paddock x

Hi Paddock, here is where I am on this terrifying journey...lost, heartbroken, I s nothing makes sense,I just miss my husband and cannot imagine life in any shape or form without him..I tried being at home last week, and that was too painful for me..so I left again...feeling exhausted and defeated...my gp put me on antidepressants, it was a shock for me on the one hand that he thought it was necessary an, I thouht he would say grief is normal, on the other...it cant get worse..so I am trying it..my thoughts never stop, they go all over the place, incoherent, digging in the happy past, the diagnosis, the eight weeks...life stopped for me then. Whenever people ask how I am: if not friends I dont give an answer, but just return the question. If friends I always say: not good at all, terrible, awful, barely surviving, I am not good at pretending. Idont have ok days. I trytokeep busy but my thoughts never stop. My husbands Urn is at home, Is it today that you receive the ashes?I wish you strength and courage

Hi MoonandStars

Do not wish to butt in on Paddock's thread but having read your latest post just wanted to say that grief is perfectly normal but that it does hit us in various waves of emotion.  I think not only that you have to cope with grieving but also the very quick diagnosis and loss in such a short space of time(I had three years of watching hubby suffer before he died so though his death was shattering it was not a shock).   Please do not feel defeated or alone in not being able to be at your home alone just yet; it may well take longer for  you to  make this move. Grief is raw, frightening,emotionally draining  and for some can even feel physically painful.

Stay in touch with your GP (I attended mine regularly throughout the first year and whilst I did not require medication I really did need support and encouragement to cope with how I felt andI would call this pretty normal) and go back again if you need to.  I hope where you are currently staying feels like a safe haven for you. It's not easy giving others 'virtual advice' as what works for one person probably does not work for someone else. I am not sure how far away from  home you are staying but would it be possible to take smaller steps towards returning there say a couple of hours to begin with when you feel ready again.Please remember the forum is here anytime you need to talk.

Sending virtual hugs. Jules x

Hi Jules, it has taken me a while to get back to the forum and I wanted to thank you for your reply. I am far away from home, I do feel better where I am and yes I wish I could go back home for just an afternoon and try it here and there. The thoughts of our happy beloved home without my husband make me so terribly sad. Its such a shame I feel like that but it is what it is sadly.

I often wonder how he would have managed if the roles where the other way round, not a constructive or helpful train of thought but one that I have nonetheless. In a few weeks I will go back again for some days, I think I will ask my mum to come with me though. Foodshopping, tv, sitting at the table..are all things that I cant do..everything seems so pointless without my husband, the house has lost its soul. I feel maybe if ever the raw emotions settle a bit I will manage better. Who knows...and if not..I guees its just four walls and a roof...  take care and thank you for all your kindness and the time you take to encourage others.