Sorry to have worried you xx I just can't cope ... missing him so much the pain is unbearable 

Phewwwww....I'm sure you can imagine what we were all thinking!!! I know it hurts.....You can handle it because you have so far! That doesn't mean it will be easy and just because you begin to handle things doesn't mean we will think you are 'over it'.....Some might but we will just think wow....what strength and selflessness this person shows for her loved ones! When we choose to bring kids into the world we choose to put them first no matter what. They won't appreciate that til they have their own kids then they will see how they are supposed to be as parents themselves. I have been through some major traumas including an abusive childhood and my eldest is more aware now of the sacrifices I have made to try and keep things together for them when I could so easily have fallen apart. Being strong isn't something that just happens....you have to work for it....want it for those you love... and when you are faced with that choice ; drink myself to oblivion.....or..... get their dinner and put on a face - That is when you gain or lose that strength. Anyone can be strong....you just have to choose it! I don't want to seem heartless but falling apart won't make your love for Tony seem stronger but your love for your kids and family seem less! :/ I'm glad you are still here today and hope you are still here tomorrow.xxx

Cfeast .. I know im trying ... last night I really could have done it... I get like that every now and then ... I dont want to be like that but it just happens and I can't breath I cry hysterically  the completely  loose it .... sorry I worried you 

You really do need more help than we can offer you on here....I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you. Keep in touch.xx

I know I have been everywhere I do the bereavement  counselling  once a week at my house and I do the online bereavement  once a week and still waiting on psychiatrist appointment  ... so I'm trying to get help everywhere  .. sorry once again ....

Feeling awful.how.I worried all.of you ... you lot don't need that too on top of what your all going through it was a selfish  move ... and i done it to my mates ... sorry to everyone. .. feeling stupid and wrong ...

It's all you can do for now....just keep plugging away. Easier said than done i know.....but we are all here as best we can be. And don't feel bad about worrying us....you are going through hell and i understand you are struggling. Virtual hugs your way. C.xx

Hi Jes - so glad that you posted yesterday - everyone has their different ways of trying to get through the pain - you have to do whatever works for you - you weren't being selfish you are just too overcome by grief - am sure everyone here understands.  Take care 

Been in a terrible mess since this morning anxiety  really bad ... I took my daughter out of the day with friends but have spent most of it in a daze and crying .... can't stand this ...... I just  can't get out of my head. ....and i dont want to get tony out of my head i miss him dearly ...

Hello .... it will be hard as it's been so soon since he died ... he will never be out of your head but fingers crossed in time it will be less painful.  You'd be inhuman if you weren't in a daze after what you've been through but you had the strength to go out with your daughter and friends ..... that took courage ... lots of love 

I have an appointment  with my doctor again this Thursday  as just can't go on like this .... I have friends but only really speak to them on the phone or they always busy so I'm feeling so lovely and so lost just want someone to be there and speak to ... even though today was with my daughter and her friends I can't talk to them there kids wouldn't be fair instead they watch me cry ... that's not right ..... just hope my doctor will help as last time they said it's just a wave I have to ride but I really can't I'm breaking down so much it's getting worse ....... just feels like no one  can ever help me .im trying everything  that everyone is suggesting ..... feel helpless to myself and ice never felt like that in my life and I've been through tough times until I met back with my tony. .. life is cruel and hate it ....