Lost my one and only

Need to talk..my name is jess I'm 37 ..

.. im devastated  lost my partner  tony who was 36 to stomach cancer he passed away in my arms on 4th December  2015 ... just 2 months ago 

He was diagnosed  just 4 months before we was told he had a year and with treatment possibly longer ... we didn't get the chance to sort or arrange  or get anything  set in stone as we was gonna get over Xmas and start to deal with things. ..we was in so much shock to find out he had cancer and was gonna die that the shock took over everything  every day was hard ... 

We was ment to get married the day he died in fact it was booked for half 9 in morning but he died at 6 .. we didn't even make it ... before tony was diagnosed  we had so many plans to marry to have kids together  to travel etc.... we didn't get to do any of that... God I miss him terribly  .. I dont want to be here no more ... a part of me died the day tony died ... 

I have tried to get help from everywhere doctors friends searching constantly  on line ... I have had 3 bereavement  sessions so far no nothing seems to help i have friends  I talk to but nothing seems to help i know everyone saying it's still so early and raw  but I can't take this the pain is there all the time the tears are constant crying all the time .the feeling sick all the time the anxiety I don't sleep till about 4 or 5 only for few hours and I have horrible dreams  ... thousands  of things running through my head the guilt the anger the whats ifs etc....

I looked after my tony my love.. I was there 24 7 by his side ..took control of his Meds appointmentso everything  as he couldn't take it all in ... now I'm here and he isn't. This is cruel illness and world I just want to be with him .......... help ...

 

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  • I am also Sussex...Quite upsetting not being able to do anything! :/ Do you think the moderators would know what to do?...............Jes has been on daily and said she would keep in touch then nothing after that desperate post last night! :(

  • Sorry to have worried you all ... just in so much pain I really can't handle it 

  • Phewwwww....I'm sure you can imagine what we were all thinking!!! I know it hurts.....You can handle it because you have so far! That doesn't mean it will be easy and just because you begin to handle things doesn't mean we will think you are 'over it'.....Some might but we will just think wow....what strength and selflessness this person shows for her loved ones! When we choose to bring kids into the world we choose to put them first no matter what. They won't appreciate that til they have their own kids then they will see how they are supposed to be as parents themselves. I have been through some major traumas including an abusive childhood and my eldest is more aware now of the sacrifices I have made to try and keep things together for them when I could so easily have fallen apart. Being strong isn't something that just happens....you have to work for it....want it for those you love... and when you are faced with that choice ; drink myself to oblivion.....or..... get their dinner and put on a face - That is when you gain or lose that strength. Anyone can be strong....you just have to choose it! I don't want to seem heartless but falling apart won't make your love for Tony seem stronger but your love for your kids and family seem less! :/ I'm glad you are still here today and hope you are still here tomorrow.xxx

  • Cfeast .. I know im trying ... last night I really could have done it... I get like that every now and then ... I dont want to be like that but it just happens and I can't breath I cry hysterically  the completely  loose it .... sorry I worried you 

  • You really do need more help than we can offer you on here....I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you. Keep in touch.xx

  • I know I have been everywhere I do the bereavement  counselling  once a week at my house and I do the online bereavement  once a week and still waiting on psychiatrist appointment  ... so I'm trying to get help everywhere  .. sorry once again ....

    Feeling awful.how.I worried all.of you ... you lot don't need that too on top of what your all going through it was a selfish  move ... and i done it to my mates ... sorry to everyone. .. feeling stupid and wrong ...

  • It's all you can do for now....just keep plugging away. Easier said than done i know.....but we are all here as best we can be. And don't feel bad about worrying us....you are going through hell and i understand you are struggling. Virtual hugs your way. C.xx

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