Thanks you cfeast  ... I can't cope this is killing me xxx 

Thank you Chris g .... I only take each second as it comes ... just so hard to take it all in... I dont stop crying the pain is have is hurting so much .... in total shock ...

Thank you Michelle so sorry for your loss xx I'm trying to keep busy but its hard as I'm stuck in limbo can't concentrate  on anything  for longer then fewe minutes I'm looking for help all the time. ... just hate feeling like this ... I can't stop myself going into complete breakdown wherever I am in the street in shops on the bus ... I just break down morning till night I don't sleep get horrible dreams  .... 

Jes, my husband and I were about the same age as you and your Tony when he died.  It was over 30 years ago and I can totally relate to your feelings.  I am not going to say the pain will go away anytime soon but what you have to do is just get through the days, knowing that eventually things will get easier.  You will, eventually, have days when you can breath without crying, remember Tony with happiness and know that you must live your life as I am sure he would have wanted.   It isnt easy and you will have meltdowns for an awful long time (I remember having an operation a year after my husband died and asking them if anything happened they weren't to resuscitate me).  Don't

n expect too much of yourself, grief is a dreadful thing to endure.  Is there any group you could join - sometimes teaming up with people who understand where you are coming from is a great help. Sometimes I would just let myself wallow in sadness and cry till I had no more tears. - then I could pick myself up for a while.Sending youbest wishes Jes, and I hope you have peace soon.

Well first I will say you are doing bloody well to still be talking to us! You can be strong and brave and all the things you will need to be to push forward through this. Keep talking to us....be honest as you like....grab a friend maybe and warn them they will have to be strong too but to be patient with you! I wish you could have the pain squashed but for all the joy we have in life there is often an equal ammount of pain....and we do survive because there is a purpose to your life...you just don't know it...None of us do! Sometimes it's just the little things that make some one else feel their life is worth living too. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and be prepared for that sign that you are needed here. (and no....I am not religeous....just maybe a little spiritual...But whenever I get to make someone smile....do a good deed...that's when I feel I am worthwhile!) Please keep in touch with people on here.....it seems to have helped so many! :) xxx

Thanks Chris g xx I know no one can say anything  to help or ease the pain ... im all over the place .. yeah I have famiky but feel I can't really talk to much to them I dunno why as  they are are great people .... just feel worse when with them ... I have friends  but I don't get to see a lot of them I have 3 friends I see in the week which helps as I talk about my tony constantly  as I have to ..I  don't want anyone to forget him .... he was and is so important  to me .. his family though are a disgrace .. don't hear from them at all .. but why am I surprised  I looked after him the hole time and they onky visited when he was really bad news even then it was 2 or 3 times ... I get so angry ... he was beautiful   inside n out ...

Hi pauline    yeah I have joined an on line group and another group young and widowed  .. I totally understand  when you said about when you had an op and that. .. I would say the same. ... I know it's sounds crazy but I can't wait to die to be with my tony again. . Im not scared of death no more ... if I didn't have my kids I would have gone the day I lost my tony ..... I think most days I'd like the world to end so we all go together  as a family ......

Thanks cfeast  ... im very spiritual  .. im looking and waiting for signs all the time ... I need to talk all the time to who ever will listen my people around me are good but now they seem to just say the same thing and it's jarring me ... I do snap at them as I do know what they are saying but they don't know what this feels like where on here everybody  has been through  simular  to me regardless  of what relation. . Cancer is cancer death is death .. people around me just don't get it ..... thank you for talking to me ... 

Jes, I had 3 little children at the time so I threw myself into bringing them up and doing my absolute best for them.  They are all wonderful adults now, with good jobs, homes, partners and children of their own.  Now, they are helping me, at the end of my life.  You see, it goes full circle.  God has a plan for us all. x

The sun is shining today....and the birds are flitting around the fruit trees.....They know nothing of your pain but I wonder what is going on in their little lives? They will be building their nests ready for the Spring... :) How is it where you are? How many kids do you have and how old?xxx