Hi Jess, This is so terribly devastating . To loose somebody so young with so much of their life ahead of them is just so wrong! I never like to hear when they put timescales on people's life as they are usually so far out. I was told around 8 months for my dad which in fact proved to only be 3 days.  I quite believe that when a loved one passes a part of you dies too, and then there's also the part that wishes you went with them. I'm so sad that you never got to marry your lovely Tony. I'm 15 weeks into the process and have to say I got really bad at week 5. I found that until I'd processed all the questions in my own head then I couldn't move on at all. As we only had 3 days between diagnosis and passing I had so many unanswered questions and my dad wasn't here to ask anymore, it drove me mad. I've now formed my own answers that I've settled on so I don't have to keep going over old ground every night when I need to go to sleep. I think what you're going through is quite normal and the only thing that will help is time passing. Have you got any hobbies you can throw yourself into to help you have a little clear time in your head. I have to say I found this forum at around the same time as you in my grieving process and it's helped me quite a bit. It's made me realise I'm not alone, there are others suffering with the loss of a loved one like me. There are others that are possibly worse off than me. Some people are still on their cancer journey and fighting it. If you ever want a chat you can message me. Look after yourself. 

Thank you Michelle so sorry for your loss xx I'm trying to keep busy but its hard as I'm stuck in limbo can't concentrate  on anything  for longer then fewe minutes I'm looking for help all the time. ... just hate feeling like this ... I can't stop myself going into complete breakdown wherever I am in the street in shops on the bus ... I just break down morning till night I don't sleep get horrible dreams  .... 

Thank you Michelle so sorry for your loss xx I'm trying to keep busy but its hard as I'm stuck in limbo can't concentrate  on anything  for longer then fewe minutes I'm looking for help all the time. ... just hate feeling like this ... I can't stop myself going into complete breakdown wherever I am in the street in shops on the bus ... I just break down morning till night I don't sleep get horrible dreams  ....