Need to talk..my name is jess I'm 37 ..
.. im devastated lost my partner tony who was 36 to stomach cancer he passed away in my arms on 4th December 2015 ... just 2 months ago
He was diagnosed just 4 months before we was told he had a year and with treatment possibly longer ... we didn't get the chance to sort or arrange or get anything set in stone as we was gonna get over Xmas and start to deal with things. ..we was in so much shock to find out he had cancer and was gonna die that the shock took over everything every day was hard ...
We was ment to get married the day he died in fact it was booked for half 9 in morning but he died at 6 .. we didn't even make it ... before tony was diagnosed we had so many plans to marry to have kids together to travel etc.... we didn't get to do any of that... God I miss him terribly .. I dont want to be here no more ... a part of me died the day tony died ...
I have tried to get help from everywhere doctors friends searching constantly on line ... I have had 3 bereavement sessions so far no nothing seems to help i have friends I talk to but nothing seems to help i know everyone saying it's still so early and raw but I can't take this the pain is there all the time the tears are constant crying all the time .the feeling sick all the time the anxiety I don't sleep till about 4 or 5 only for few hours and I have horrible dreams ... thousands of things running through my head the guilt the anger the whats ifs etc....
I looked after my tony my love.. I was there 24 7 by his side ..took control of his Meds appointmentso everything as he couldn't take it all in ... now I'm here and he isn't. This is cruel illness and world I just want to be with him .......... help ...
