Cg  that poem is beautiful  yep tears are rolling ..my house is covered with photos of tony I need to see him all the time there all on my phone too so when I'm out and I have him there i also havea cut of his hair in a heart necklace I have take it with me everywhere .... 

Thank you xxx

Cfeast yh  that's the only reason I have done myself in as I think that I don't want my kids to feel this pain I feel right now it's horrible and I don't wanna inflict pain like this on anyone .... especially  not them. .. then I get angry I just wanna die I want them to let me but that's ridiculous  as that's never gonna happen and I'd never ask for them to offer that ... but I wish I could go. .... but I won't cause of them .... then I think to myself that it was selfish of me to bring children into this cruel world ... 

My 3 kids thought a lot of tony he was a great step dad but they only knew him for a year but in that year they really clicked with him ... even though I knew tony for years my first love at 13 then we moved away and got back when we was 19 then moved away I had my children he had his lost contact for so so long then met up again and was like we never parted both feel for each other once again then it's just seem to go so fast one minute we was planning holidays kids marrage and enjoy our life next thing he was diagnosed then all of sudden dead ... this is killing me everyone este gets more years we didn't but what we had was amazing everyone says it's the happiest they ever see us and it was true we both felt so overwhelmed  with the love we had and I still have ... he called me his diamond and used to get so upset we couldn't find each other sooner as we was ment to be ... he was a true gent and Angel sent from above to give me the love then he was snatch away .... 

Too cruel ....

Thank you for being here for me xx and reading these poems story's and quotes. .. im not alone and sharing with you all and you lot have had loss too but wow your all so strong thank you each and everyone one of you messaging me .... I will do your heads in as feel I can say anything  to you and your never judging xx thank you sending massive virtual  hugs  and blessings to you all xx speak soon ... im on my way out to get some bits to take to crematorium  for tony for valentines  day xx gonna be harder day on Sunday. ... sending love xx

That truly is cruel....I am glad you found each other when you did.....He really needed you in the end hey....You guys just didn't know it was gonna come to that....And I feel really sad for you! We may seem strong but we are you on a different day....at a different time in our lives. You are us with the pain still raw. I will be here whenever you need as I know you would be for us. And good luck at the crem and for making it through valentines day. love back atcha. C.xx

Jess - just reading your story and there's nothing I can say that will take your pain away .. thank you for being so candid and honest ..... dying is something that I've thought of myself although I know deep down I won't do it ... but at times it seems like a blessed relief from all the pain.  Death throws up so many deep emotions - you're not just dealing with that person's death but everyone's reaction and opinions to it as well.  I've found that the people who I thought would be there for me aren't and yet I have been pleasantly surprised by others ... so much going on, so many thoughts and yet I struggle to find the strength to see what path to take.  

The wave story struck home ... you must feel like that as well ... my Mum died at Christmas and I don't even know what to feel.  

Keep posting and we will keep replying and offering you support - sometimes it's easier to type the words than say them, to talk to "virtual" people rather than real ones - whatever works you take it. 

Hi CG just to say that Alan wants his ashes scattered the same time as mine in the sea at his favourite holiday destination in Dorset. x

Beautiful, thank you x

73allingham.. so sorry for your loss. .yeah it's hard to know what to feel. . I feel every emotion  possible more hurt and destroyed  than anything  ..and i find  it's so much easier to type  to people. . I can talk but I tend to switch off and go silent after a while. . While silent as in not speaking but in my head it goes round and round 24 7 .... 

Yeah the dying thing yep I would do it without a doubt as I've said before I cant wait to go ... just can't as kids but I so want to ... I have no soul no heart no life no more ... but im going along cause of my kids even though most days I don't want to. ..  

And yeah it's shocked me how some people have reacted especially  my tonys  family. . Heartless  cruel people no wonder why he always said to me to keep away now I know .... even certain  so called friends  are so so distance. . But I don't go crawling cause I don't want them in my life now I know what there all about. .. 

Anyone that can be there for you right now hold them tight they are the true people xx 

Sending you love  xx thank you for your message xx 

Hi ChrisG  yes Cornwall is beautiful me n Tony was going to go there but another thing we never got to do ...yeah I'm same I have my tonys  ashes next to my bed .. planing to scatter them and keep some but that's to be planned on summer where my tony can shine with the sun ..I go to the crematorium  as it's so beautiful where we had his funeral  so will lay his rose there and one for home with his photos and shrine ..

Today was a so so day just dread tomorrow  as it always follows with worst  days after ... 

Sending you love  xxx 

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss it's going to be very hard for you.  My husband is dying I don't know how long we have left could be weeks could be months. I know it will be hard and part of me wants to die with him, but we have children and I have to be there for them. I don't know how we will cope but all I can say is take one day at a time, scream shout if you have to, try to stay strong. I don't know what else to say but take care andi am thinking of you.