Hi Deggsy I can completely relate to this

My wife died of primary peritoneal cancer back in October. She was at high risk of ovarian cancer and had had a hysterectomy to prevent this so when she showed up with symptoms but no ovaries it was very confusing for all until PPC was diagnosed!

Amazingly she had few symptoms until the last week - never seemed to be an actual blockage but the best guess seems to be she had a bowel shutdown then an associated infection which she was unable to throw off with a compromised immune system. And yes her last 2 or 3 days were the hardest thing I've ever lived through.

All I can say is be there for her, make sure she's as comfortable as possible and gets the pain relief she needs - ask to talk to the palliative team at the hospital they can help you in this and can explain what it will probably be like to be there when it happens so you know what to expect - I found that took so much of the worry out of it for me.

Don't worry too much now about afterwards - you'll have a lot of grief as so many of us on here have but your friends and familly will help and so will people on here

spend these last days with her well, if you can, try to take her mind off it a bit and be strong for her so she's not worried about what will happen to you when she's gone.

And stay with us on line and we'll see if we can't help you pick up the pieces 

Thanks Graham,

My wife is recieving the very best care that anyone could wish for at our local hospice and the staff are there  for all of  us and as you have said have prepared us all for what is going to happen. What I didn't say was the prognosis of short  weeks was given when she went  into the hospice on christmas eve and here  we  are at the end of Jan. she's a  real fighter. Living with the fact that there is no long term future and trying to make every day  special has been hard and then coming home each night wondering if that will  be the last time I see her, over such a long time causes me to question so many things.

I will keep posting as it does help to keep my emotions in check

Thanks again.

Hi Deggsy,

All of us at Cancer Chat would like to echo the sentiments expressed by our lovely members. We have been following your story day by day and we are so sorry to hear that Gill passed away this afternoon, but it's nice to hear that she was surrounded by you and her daughter. I have no doubt that she could feel all that love that was around her. How moving the way you describe giving her a cuddle at the very end. 

Our sincere condolences to you and your family,

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

I am so sorry for your very sad loss, Deggsy, but pleased that you and her daughter were with her.  xx

Thinking of you and your family Deggsy

Kat 

Thanks.

Woke up this morning to a new world, a little poorer for the loss of my beautiful Gill, but enriched by her during her life. Now to get on with making sure that we all carry forward her spirit into the future. 

Deggsy 

Ah - I was about to say I'm sorry to hear that Deggsy but I guess that's not quite right under the circumstances.

I think you and Gill really touched so many of us on here, for me in particular as it brought back so many memories. We've all been impressed by your strength and resillience and I know you'll arrange a wonderful funeral.

Come back when you've time and talk to us especially when the lows kick in - I've found that offering what help and support I can to others has been a great healer I think you might too 

Gill's spirit will be carried in your heart wherever you may be Deggsy and I know you will do her memory proud as you make arrangements for the celebration of her life. Your forum buddies can keep you company as and when you need to share.  Like Graham has said, I too find it a help to support others as I was supported during the saddest of times. Keeping you and the family in my thoughts. Jules

Hi Deggsy, I am sorry to hear of your loss and I know you will keep her memory with you always. Hugs x G

Hi to all my friends,

I still need your opinion, I miss Gill like mad but I expected that and can deal with it by having a good shout and cry and get it out of my system so I can go on. She was my purpose to do things and I know that I will find a purpose in the future, but she was also my lover and she always told me that I was the sort of man that was more comfortable in female company. This disease robbed us of our normal life together for so long and now I am completely alone I crave female company but know that I will not be ready for a freindship/relatioship for a long time.

I feel that at the moment people feel awkward to approach me socially and apart from close friends this will continue. 

You can't imagine how good I feel when I meet female friends and they give me a cuddle, no matter how brief.

I would like your comments but I probably know that the answer is that I have to give myself time. Being on my own in the evenings is the time I find loneliest, even when Gill was in the hospice I was able to sit and hold her hand and watch TV.

Deggsy

Hi Deggsy, I was at the swimming pool last week trying to make sure there were spectator seats for Alan to watch me, anyway after the gent showed me the pool etc, I asked him for a hug! We all need a hug and a cuddle no matter what is going on in our lives. Having a cuddle does not mean anything else but just that. Take care, if I lived near you yes I would give you a hug but am sending virtual hugs x

Hi Deggsy

Have just returned from a couple of days visiting with good friends and read your post with a tear in my eyes. It seems to be a sad fact that when we lose a partner others around us cannot 'cope' with us widows/widowers and the need for a hug/cuddle/kiss on the cheek is in my eyes nothing more than a wonderful way to express their continuing support for us and a need I truly felt.  My virtual hug is sent with understanding and do not be afraid to ask for that hug from those around you - they may feel they need permission (crazy I know). Thinking of you. Jules x

Hi Deggsy

Have just returned from a couple of days visiting with good friends and read your post with a tear in my eyes. It seems to be a sad fact that when we lose a partner others around us cannot 'cope' with us widows/widowers and the need for a hug/cuddle/kiss on the cheek is in my eyes nothing more than a wonderful way to express their continuing support for us and a need I truly felt.  My virtual hug is sent with understanding and do not be afraid to ask for that hug from those around you - they may feel they need permission (crazy I know). Thinking of you. Jules x