Just an update,  my wife is fading, conversation is very difficult and she is getting more confused. I visit and hope she gains comfort from that.

If she doesn't, I am reminded of this story. 

A 70 year old man was talking to his doctor. He told him that every day he went to the nursing home at 7a.m. to have breakfast with his wife, although she could recognise him or remember that he was there. The doctor said that if she did not know who he was why did he get up so early to visit her. He replied " Because I know who she is "

The drugs are, I am sure, are now taking a cumulative toll  and my wifes comprehension is suffering. I have very mixed felings about what the next few days have in store.

Thanks to anyone who reads my ramblings

Hey Deggsy

I said you'd know!

Even if she doesn't know you're there you've one last important job - Make sure they keep her pain free with the medication, you'll know if you need to draw their attention to it she may start to grimmace or become unsettled.

Best of luck and stay strong

Graham is right. And my biggest fear is to be in terrible pain.  Have been waiting 6 weeks for an appointment at the pain clinic at our local hospice.

Pauline,

So sorry to hear of your wait, our local charitable hospice has been so good I tend to think  that they all are the same. My wife was referred to the pain clinic very early on and therefore has been on their radar for some time, so when managing  symptoms at home became difficult she went immediately to  the hospice. The staff are all brilliant and can spot the signs and give medication straight away.

The most reassuring thing for my wife was the day that her GP held her hand and told her not to worry about pain and he promised her that no matter what she would not have to suffer pain. To this day she has only complained of mild discomfort. 

Hope you get an appointment soon.

On Deggsy, all I have ever asked of doctors is that I don't die in pain and yet I am still trying to manage with paracetamol and ibruprofin, I know I frequently take too many because I have so much pain, my mind is a bit addled and I cant remember when I last took them.  So many times the Macmillan nurses have promisedto contact me, but haven't, so I have now given up on them.

I am so pleased you have a wonderful hospice for your wife and that she has good pain relief.  Thar's what we want for everyone. 

Hi Pauline,

I'm rather shocked to hear that you're struggling with pain and over the counter medecines

In your position I would take myself down to my GP and tell them this (possibly ommitting the bit about getting muddled) they could at least prescribe you some slightly stronger pain relief like codeine while you are waiting for the pain clinic - that doesn't sound like a big ask for someone in your position 

Yes Pauline, I am shocked that you are having to cope with over the counter meds. Get on to you GP and get something stronger and get a referral to your local palliative care team, they are the experts when it comes to pain control.

Hi Deggsy

Sorry I have not responded since my last reply. Unfortunately lost internet access.

No matter how confused your dear wife may be, I know you will  keep talking with her and as others have said being pain free is so important. My Dad was kept pain free in the hospice and with my husband (whose pain resistence even amazed the doctors) who was able to stay at home, the community/palliative team were so good to make sure he was kept comfortable all the way to his passing.  His was a 'mild discomfort' kind of chap and I hope you feel well supported during this journey that none of of wished to make. Takecare. Jules

Thanks Jules and all other well wishers.

My wife is surprising them all at the hospice, in her good moments she still shows her wit and enjoys a conversation with the staff. They are keeping her comfortable and that is all we can ask.

Thanks again