Dealing with the waiting

My wife was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer in Oct2014 and after struggling with bowel blockages and  having chemo was told that she was clear last July - Aug. She then had respiratory problems, non cancer related,  and had a ct scan t,his was seen by the oncologist  at a follow up who then told us the cancer had returned. Although chemo was started my wife became worse and eventually on christmas eve was admitted to our local wonderful hospice. With no surgery or chemo available and her bowels again blocked she  was given "  short weeks". She has battled on and improved in that her bowels started to work again and managed to celebrate her birthday on the 24th Jan but the future is certain but the timing is not. I am 66, my wife now 63 with 3 grown up children ( late 20s) with their own lives. This time where we all visit daily waiting for the inevitable is one of the hardest things I have ever done. We deal with it day to day as although she is visibly getting weaker and weaker there are good days when we can have conversations and interaction  and days when we are just there holding  her hand.

As I  said this is the hardest time and although I have good friends who try to support it can be very lonely and worrying for the future. 

Parents
  • Hi, Deggsy, I truly can relate to everything you are saying.    I was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer in January 2015 as a secondary.  I had womb cancer and cervical cancer in September 2o14.  I, too, have bowel blockages and bladder not working and respiratory problems.  The oncologist has told me also it's nothing to do with cancer but just an age thing.  This I cant believe, because I was fit and healthy up to 18 months ago.  I know each day it is getting worse and I am unable to do much anymore and I am very frightened too.  I live alone and have no idea who to turn to professionally when things get worse.

    I really feel for you and all I can sayis just being there for your wife is the very best you can do.  My 3 adult children are my rocks and also dear friends.

    Please let us know how you are and come and talk to us.  With my very best wishes.

  • Thanks for your reply, Pauline4. Yes my wife was fit up until weeks before her diagnosis in 2014 walking and playing tennis. Her bowel blockages have always been considered to be cancer related.

    I don't know how we would cope if it wasn't for the hospice and they have supported us throughout. If you have a local hospice get your GP to refer you and get known by them, dont think they are just there for end of life care, they can support you in so many ways.

    I feel that I am "coping" and know that I will get through, as unfortunately I lost a partner before, but I was younger and my thoughts were different then. Being with my wife daily is all that matters, every day is precious but that is not making it any easier. She is fully aware of the situation but is not prepared to talk about it and I have to respect that. As always the future is the thing that frighten us.

    Hope you can find some support and please continue the discussion if you feel it helps. There is no need to feel alone there are lots of people out there who understand.

    Best wishes

     

     

Reply
  • Thanks for your reply, Pauline4. Yes my wife was fit up until weeks before her diagnosis in 2014 walking and playing tennis. Her bowel blockages have always been considered to be cancer related.

    I don't know how we would cope if it wasn't for the hospice and they have supported us throughout. If you have a local hospice get your GP to refer you and get known by them, dont think they are just there for end of life care, they can support you in so many ways.

    I feel that I am "coping" and know that I will get through, as unfortunately I lost a partner before, but I was younger and my thoughts were different then. Being with my wife daily is all that matters, every day is precious but that is not making it any easier. She is fully aware of the situation but is not prepared to talk about it and I have to respect that. As always the future is the thing that frighten us.

    Hope you can find some support and please continue the discussion if you feel it helps. There is no need to feel alone there are lots of people out there who understand.

    Best wishes

     

     

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