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Steve8
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Today I buried my beautiful wife  of 36  years,taken from me by this filthy disease whose name I will not dignify. During the same week my lovely sister in law and my father in law both unexpectedly passed away. The pain,sorrow and despair is too much to bear. How do I go on? by this filt

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    Hi steve ..... welcome to the forum.  I am so very sorry that you have lost your beautiful wife and cannot imagine how painful this must be for you.

    Like many others here, our family are going through similar although it is me with the incurable diagnosis.  I can understand what you have been going through up to this point, and I guess we always hope that a miracle will spare us or our loved one.

    There are many others here on the site who have lost their life partner - a very lovely lady Tonim lost her husband today.  You can read her post and maybe understand what she is going through at this time. I hope others will be along to share their stories with you and offer you their support.

    Please come to the forum whenever you need to talk. Sometimes it just helps to write down your feelings and clear your mind. Don't suffer alone.

    Much love to you Steve x

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    Hi Steve

    Sorry that you have lost your wife, sister in law and father in law in such a short space of time.

    As you can see from the supportive messages you have already received, this is a good place to come to share your feelings at his difficult time.

    Please let us know how you are getting on whenever you feel the need to talk.

    We are always here,

    Best wishes

    Jane

    Cancer Chat moderator

     

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    Hi Steve

    I'm really sorry about what you're having to go through - I lost my wife of 25 years about 4 months ago after a 3 year fight.

    I guess first the bad news is it's probably going to get worse before it gets better. You've just had the funeral, probably had friends and familly rally around, you've had things to do to occupy you and in the next few weeks the chances are that will drift away. People will go back to their own lives sadened yes, sympathetic yes but you're the one with the empty house.

    The good news is it will get better - I won't lie to you it's not easy and it does take time, For some people more time than others. But if you think about it you'll see that if you're married and make it through the divorce stage then one of you is inevitably going to pass away before the other - and so tens of thousands of people lose their partners, they grieve, they feel like throwing themselves off a cliff, they heal and they survive.

    I say survive because this marks you, you pick up scars - I've said I miss my wife like I'd miss an arm - and like losing an arm there is pain, you are scarred and you learn to cope.

    There was a lovely post on here a while back from someone a few years after loosing her husband and she helped so many people just by coming on and saying "I'm happy - it's a different sort of happy but I am happy". She never thought that she'd help people like that but so many of us recently bereaved think we'll never be happy again - it was a small voice of hope that lifted the hearts of so many of us.

    More practically I'd say - keep busy in these next few difficult months - for me I started going to the gym more. Chances are that won't be your thing but find something particularly for the evenings, Maybe there are some social clubs or something like that - you have to find the energy, the motivation to get out of the house. I know that's not easy, particularly if like me your social life revolved very much around things you did with your wife but you have to make the effort to do it - ask yourself how attractive the alternative is!

    Keep talking, with familly, with friends and on here - you'll always find people here who have lost their loved ones too and are at different stages of surviving it - hopefully as you start to pick yourself up and rebuild your life you'll also be in a place to offer support to other newly bereaved people who feel the way you do now - you'll be able to say - "Stick with it - I was where you are now" you'd be amazed how healing that is, to be a small part of a precious chain of support  

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    Hi there, I'm so sorry that you've lost your wife, sister and father in law all in such a short space of time.  I don't know how you cope with such a massive loss. I lost my dad 3 months ago and it's been a massive struggle for me. Take each day as it comes. I hope you have some support at home. You'll always have support and friendly people on here you can share your stories with. Look after yourself x

  • Offline in reply to max56

    Thank you all for your kindness. I feel so utterly alone particularly at night. I find it nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning. I have three wonderful children and a large circle of friends who have been here constantly for me. Your lovely words have helped to ease the pain. Truly. Thank you.

  • Offline in reply to Steve8

    Steve ...... your lovely children are suffering too and they are your reason to get up in the morning. It must be so very hard Steve but your wife would not want you to feel this way.  Please come here whenever you need and let us know how you are doing x

  • Offline in reply to Steve8

    Hi Steve,

    If you read my thread you will know my position and I too feel that I don't want to get up in the morning although I have to visit my wife later. When I get home in the evening I am alone with my thoughts. As I have been through this before I do know that you do survive but I was working then and that purpose and interaction with people was probably a great help. Now I  am retired I feel that when the time comes I will have to push myself to get involved in things and meet people.

    I don't know your situation but you will get through it, with lovely memories. You will feel alone at first even when surrounded by friends and family but keep talking to them and things will get easier.

    Keep posting for as long as you need, I am convinced  it helps.

    Regards

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