Hi Lucy

I am so sorry to hear your story, as if you didn't have enough worry without your boyfriend chosing this moment to leave...

I know a little bit how you feel as my husband is ill and I have no family at all around me (he hasn't got any family other than his elderly step dad and all of my family is abroad). Like you, although my mum is aware of Andy's diagnosis, I can't tell her how desperate I feel because she is already so worried knowing I am alone here that it would make matters worse if she know how upset I am, so I keep quiet. I also don't have any good friends I can talk to or rely on either as we never led a very social life and so we don't have anyone we can really talk to now, only people who I don't want to bother with my problems as, like you say they already have their own life.

I have mentioned Andy's diagnosis to a couple of people at work though (my manager and her manager + a couple other people) and it is nice to know that they are supportive and offered to help. Perhaps you could talk to someone at work, someone you trust? My manager said I could take some time off on compassionate leave if needed and so I might do that once we know a bit more about the full extent of his illness (waiting to find out how far the tumour has spread at the moment). Perhaps you could ask if you could have a little time off and go visit your mum? And if you are anxious to drive there you can go with the train? 

I hope you find someone to talk to and get some comfort from, it is so very difficult and such a stressful situation, especially knowing you are not with your mum all the time. 

Take care.

Hi lucy and Froggybinou,

I know how you feel. I lost mum end of September. My brother was helpful at the start. but he has always been a nightmare to me, my mum and dad. So I knew it would not last.

I have a girlfriend who was helpful a bit, but not as I would of hoped. Mum and dad famlies have been more helpful. As the pain the last few months of missing mum, have been overwhelming. As she was full of life and very chatty. Time just flew by when I was being with her. As well looking after.

Time seems now very slow. I have not many goodfriends

Now the lady my mum liked who was sorting the will has left. The new lady came on the phone blabbling about the will, though I have not seen it. Horrible woman she was. So I complained. I am seeing someone else.

So more upsetting when you feel lonely.

I did go and phone the Samaritans once a while back. Which did help.

Chat to me anytime.

Sameboat.

Thanks for your reply. It's good just writing the words. My manager is good and I have a few work colleagues can confide in. It's just hard as the one person I want to speak to is my mum but she is so so ill. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. It's such a scary,  bewildering time and it's so unfair and unjust. There are no answers I suppose. Just be there and listen.

xx

Hi Lucy

It is good that you have a few people you can talk to, it does help a bit. My colleagues know not to talk to me about Andy but about just about anything else really! Just to keep my mind off things, even if it's just while I am at work. They are happy to chat about it when I do, but they just follow my lead which is nice of them.

Sameboat sorry to hear you are not getting any support from your family and especially your brother. Have you tried talking to him and see how he feels? Perhaps he is just trying to escape it and it's his way to protect himself from the grief which, unfortunately you can't avoid? 

Since Andy's collapse and initial diagnosis 2 weeks ago I have received a couple of phone calls and emails from family (my mum told most of them so wouldn't have to call abroad and repeat myself over and over) but some of them are just totally ignoring us and not said anything at all. I guess it's in moments like this that you can see who you can really rely on. Of course i don't expect them to do anything as not only there is nothing they can do, but they are so far away. But just knowing they are there to have a chat and lift our spirits up would be nice. Nevermind.

All the best to both of you 

Christelle