Hi

You know when my wife died in October one of the things I was surprised about the grieving was the fact that I found myself coming back to the most painful moments in my mind again and again. I'm a pretty hard headed and practical sort of person yet I would continue to play those last painful days in my head.

I came to realise that cra@p things happen to nice people, there is a lot of pain in the world and sometimes great people who don't deserve it go through it.

But it's over now - you couldn't have done anything different to save him from it I'm sure and this tendency we have to go over and over painful memories is only causing you pain for no benefit.

The tough part is to try to train yourself not to think about it. It's going to break through into your mind - Be tough. when it does go and do something else that will get you thinking of other things other than him and what he went through. Build up a little set of things that you can do to take your mind off of it.

Now it sounds like I'm advising you to try to forget about him - in a way I am but for a few months. It's too raw now just a few weeks on, I'm guessing you've hit that tough patch after the funeral when everybody has gone back to their routines and it's yesterdays news. You'll have time to think about him and remember him fondly in a few months time - you're not going to forget him but right now your brain is your own worst enemy and you have to find ways to distract it.

When my wife died I went and told the story to all her friends as many as I could find to listen. All those difficult areas. It was emotional and I was lucky to have so many good people to talk to and with each retelling it became a little easier and because I was getting it out in the day with other people I found it easier not to think about it in the evening when I was alone and more vulnerable to myself - I recomend it. If it's hard to find people come here and tell us - we'll listen.

Just try to make a rule that you'll do this remembering and going over it with other people physical or on line and on your own terms - don't let it burst in on you, try and shut it out when it does.

I don't know if this makes sense to you, it's the way I coped

And remember this happens to hundreds and hundreds of people - there are dozens of people on here at different stages of recovery from grief - they've got through it,they are getting through it and you will too - it won't be easy - it never is - read their stories on these threads you're not alone

Hi

You know when my wife died in October one of the things I was surprised about the grieving was the fact that I found myself coming back to the most painful moments in my mind again and again. I'm a pretty hard headed and practical sort of person yet I would continue to play those last painful days in my head.

I came to realise that cra@p things happen to nice people, there is a lot of pain in the world and sometimes great people who don't deserve it go through it.

But it's over now - you couldn't have done anything different to save him from it I'm sure and this tendency we have to go over and over painful memories is only causing you pain for no benefit.

The tough part is to try to train yourself not to think about it. It's going to break through into your mind - Be tough. when it does go and do something else that will get you thinking of other things other than him and what he went through. Build up a little set of things that you can do to take your mind off of it.

Now it sounds like I'm advising you to try to forget about him - in a way I am but for a few months. It's too raw now just a few weeks on, I'm guessing you've hit that tough patch after the funeral when everybody has gone back to their routines and it's yesterdays news. You'll have time to think about him and remember him fondly in a few months time - you're not going to forget him but right now your brain is your own worst enemy and you have to find ways to distract it.

When my wife died I went and told the story to all her friends as many as I could find to listen. All those difficult areas. It was emotional and I was lucky to have so many good people to talk to and with each retelling it became a little easier and because I was getting it out in the day with other people I found it easier not to think about it in the evening when I was alone and more vulnerable to myself - I recomend it. If it's hard to find people come here and tell us - we'll listen.

Just try to make a rule that you'll do this remembering and going over it with other people physical or on line and on your own terms - don't let it burst in on you, try and shut it out when it does.

I don't know if this makes sense to you, it's the way I coped

And remember this happens to hundreds and hundreds of people - there are dozens of people on here at different stages of recovery from grief - they've got through it,they are getting through it and you will too - it won't be easy - it never is - read their stories on these threads you're not alone