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This is soooo hard

Tilly28
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Hi what can I say the last 3 days have been so hard since I lost mum. It really doesn't feel real. I have moments of being ok but the majority of the time I'm grief stricken I can't eat, sleep and Im trying to be ok for my boys. I suffer from panic attacks and have had lots I feel I can't breathe and suffocated x

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    Tilly, this is very normal and you will be thinking this will never end - but it will.  You will slowly start accepting what has happened and.those moments will become longer. You will find that as time goes on you will slowly but surely be able to manage a little better, but still have meltdowns.  Just let yourself cry when you need to, don't try to be brave.  Grief isn't something we work through and come out the other side the same person.  I like to think we absorb some of the wonderful traits of those we have lost and carry them forward with us, hopefully making us even better people.

    Tilly, I send you my very best wishes, and a promise that eventually you will get through a day with a smile on your face as you think of your mum. x

     

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    Hi Tilly,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my mum a couple of weeks before Christmas so I know a bit of what your going through. It's the most painful thing I've ever been through and the worst is the feeling that it is never going to end - that you'll never stop grieving and you won't be able to move on and live your life like your mum would want. But even in the last week Ive found that I've managed a wee bit more, got out a bit more. I'm just taking it easy on myself. I don't have kids so I don't know what thats like but I do get the big family thing - I have five brothers and sisters and the youngest is 12. If you ever need someone to talk to please message me. Be easy on yourself and take care xx

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    Hello - I fully understand what you mean about not being able to breathe or sleep .... I often wake up at 02:00 and that's me for the night ... I'm sure sleep deprivation doesn't help with the feelings .... sometimes I think it's a good thing as for the majority of the day I'm in a daze ... on the nights I do sleep better I find that I get more upset during the day. 

    I have Mum's funeral tomorrow and that'sholding me together although I am dreading it ....it's such early days that I agree with everything that has been said .... don't push the tears or angst away - it will only come back .... but twofold.  

    I'm beginning to remember the good times and not the painful end .... and I've dug out old pictures of her in her prime so now I see a vibrant 50 year old rather than the unwell lady she was at the end.  

    Treat yourself to something you like, talk when you need to but also cry when you need to .... I wish you all the best  

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    Hi Tilly

    The loss of your Mum is so very raw just now and nothing I can say will help that pain but do come and chat whenever you feel like it as there is good support here and many will understand your feelings of fear, panic and grief.

    My daughter found it very hard trying to support her eldest son (youngest was only 15mths so unaware really) and my son in law ws a great help in his healing process as he explained it was okay to be sad, maybe cry if you wanted to and that they were both there for lots of cuddles.  The hugs were a huge part of our family's show of emotional support - words not always being necessary.  We cried together, apart and on occasion I felt as though we were on auto-pilot of just going through the motions of life but  I had to learn to ask for support to help me cope and this forum was a great source as I found a freedom here to talk.  Take care Tilly, my thoughts are with you and the family. Jules xx

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