My Mum died the day before Christmas - she had been in such pain for 8 weeks that I was relieved for her but now I am beginning to realise that she's not ever coming back. The funeral is next week and odd though it sounds it's been comforting knowing that I am chosing the hymns, readings etc. that she would have wanted. Even selecting some clothes for her was ok. She died intestate and I am grateful for all the paperwork, phone calls etc. as it enables me to keep busy and in a way I feel as if I am still doing stuff to help her.
There is her flat to empty and again although I get a stabbing feeling in my chest when I go through her papers, photos, cupboards I am able to feel her near me.
However, my question to you all is how do you cope when the funeral is over, the flat is empty and the keys handed back, the phone calls offering support end. I will feel empty, isolated and only then will it hit me. She was everything to me and I don't know how to cope with the lonliness. I'm an only child and single and live alone so I have many hours to fill. The hosptial visits and all that came with the cancer filled up my days. I work full-time but I dread going home as there's no phone calls at 7pm anymore, no visits on Sunday and no more birthdays, Mother's Day, fish and chip Good Fridays to have.
I thought Christmas/New Year would be hard but it was ok as I had so much to organise and she had only just died ... I don't want to drown with the pain but I don't want to ignore it and hope it goes away.
I think I can deal with the pain but it's the lonliness that frightens me .... she was always there, any time of the day or night, any day of the week, she was a constant and was my best friend. I just wandered how you all have coped with the empty days.
