Hi

Have just noticed that you had not received a reply so thought I would welcome you to the forum. I am sad to read of your loss and can understand to a degree how you are feeling just now.

My husband passed away in Jan 2015 after nearly three years dealing with a terminal diagnosis. Of course during this time you do everything you can for those  you love and I spent a lot of time dreading what was to come and how would I cope with it all.  I joined the forum during hubby's illness as he did not wish to talk about things and I was terribly frustrated and guilty in equal measure.  The virtual buddies I have met and still chat to really helped as it allowed me to share feelings outside the emotional bond of the family (who have their own struggles to be fair).

I have two adult children, two grandchildren (2 & 7) and hopefully the arrival of a third in late May. It is very sad that our husbands were taken from us and I still have days when I cope less well than others and you are right in that we do put on 'different faces' when family are close by.  Time passing has come with ups and downs and I do think it takes time to adjust to a very different kind of living when you are grieving.  The early months of loss tend to be so busy with arrangements and sorting out things that when that it over there appears to be a bigger need, if that makes sense and also you have suddenly lost the caring role too.

  Living alone is a 'big first' after my 43 yrs as a couple (37 married) but I know in  my heart that my husband would want me to have a good life and so I am taking it a day at a time with that goal in mind. A year on and I am just at the point of arranging some work on the house (very much needed) and strangely this has created emotions I was not prepared for but will have to learn to manage.

I hope you find the forum a place to chat freely and that it can help a little through this difficult time. Regards Jules54

Hi jules54 

I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

Thank you for welcome to the forum.it does take time to adjust to being alone I have a lovely daughter and I look after my grandchildren which does help. Fills the empty days the sadness is peter loved reading and jigsaws with them even when very ill he would give them time. He used to get so upset to know he wouldn't see them grow up. 

I to am having necessary work done on house . Peter was to ill before to bother . I find it very emotional to do this because we would discuss what needed doing and the details. I still have all Peters clothes and a shed full of tools which I can't use sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and don't know what to do so I do nothing . I do find the forum helpful to share my feelings .

Thank you 

Hi jules54 

I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

Thank you for welcome to the forum.it does take time to adjust to being alone I have a lovely daughter and I look after my grandchildren which does help. Fills the empty days the sadness is peter loved reading and jigsaws with them even when very ill he would give them time. He used to get so upset to know he wouldn't see them grow up. 

I to am having necessary work done on house . Peter was to ill before to bother . I find it very emotional to do this because we would discuss what needed doing and the details. I still have all Peters clothes and a shed full of tools which I can't use sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and don't know what to do so I do nothing . I do find the forum helpful to share my feelings .

Thank you 

Hi leximillie,

Making those first decisions alone was one of the hurdles I found quite difficult as missed the 'let's chat through what to do' conversation.  Of course, I do talk to my children and welcome their ideas and imput but it's not the same.  About half way through the first year of loss I decided I would need a 'goal' to take me forward and the house seemed the obvious place to start (it had been many years since anything major had been done, not only  because of my hubby's cancer but also because prior to that he was a workaholic and we never got round to some of the jobs. It took another six months to take the next step - this week in fact and I am in the process of having 'quotes' for the work to be undertaken as I am not practically minded enough to do it myself.  Currently awaiting arrival of electrician who is a friend of  my family.

As to disposal of personal items I think this is something that is different for everyone and you will know when it feels right for you to cope with it. I have a few bits left but  the majority of the clothing went to local charity shops (this is what my Mum did when my Dad passed away so I followed her lead!). The garage remains untouched (I do not drive so the car was sold but I will get it sorted in due time and do not feel the need to be rushed on this).

Take care and be kind to yourself. Jules