Hi Evie, I understand exactly what you are going through. I lost my precious husband Kev on August !st and as much as the initial gut wrenching pain has softened, the thought of him never ever been by my side again is awful.He died at home with me and his two grown up sons by his side and we were able to say our goodbyes, but even now it still feels like a dream. I was actually dreading Christmas and the New Year,  but as my boys said.....last year mum, dad didnt know he had cancer and really enjoyed the time with all the family and that was so true....and those are the memories I hang on to. My boys live away in Newcastle and Bristol and i now live on my own and i'm slowly coming to terms with that, though even having meals on my own is hard. I have a brill brother and sister and some fantastic girlfriends, but suddenly becoming the single one is very difficult....Kev and I were joined at the hip!!!! Cry all you want sweetie, i actually feel better after I have. As people say, the emptiness does get easier, but it's a long process that can't be rushed. Kev was just turned 61 when he died and I had my 60 birthday in Dec.It's not what we envisaged our retirement would be, but somehow my love we all seem to move on....it's different that's all. Sending big hugs your way.xxxx

Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. All these losses of loved ones makes me so sad. Cancer is a truly horrible disease. I'm 10 weeks in to loosing my dad, he was diagnosed on a Wednesday and gone on the Saturday. I've had 1 day in 10 weeks that I've managed not to cry, it's perfectly normal. Do you have somebody who can be with you at home and help with arrangements? My mum struggles with the emptiness and cries each day. We are also neighbours so I can cook for her and turn lights on before she comes home from work but it's nit the same as coming home to your husband. We live each day in disbelief that my dad left us so quickly and so young. I don't think there's anything anyone can say that will ease the pain behind your closed doors. It might help to talk about it on the forum or in private messages or with a good friend. I'll be thinking about you x