Dear Amy.                 I would firstly like to say how sorry I am for the loss of your father and what an amazing daughter you are, to be the strength for your mother at this very difficult time for yourself.

Knowing absolutely nothing about French laws on property, therefore, I am unable to advise on this one. No doubt you have, or your mum has spoken to the bank , has she tried to negotiate with them ,as I do know that banks would rather get some money for a mortgage rather than repossess and I am certain this stands in France also.  Can you get some free legal advice ?  

There must be some solution whereby you can keep the family home. Is there anyway in Uk you could seek advice as I am guessing you are British and hold a British passport.      

Regards Pat x

Hello Pat, thank you for your reply.

Our situation is a peculiar one. I have spoken to every bank official possible, and to be honest, nobody cares. Rules are rules.

Basically, we had a mortgage on the house and my father had insurance on it. When he passed away, the insurance only covered a certain amount of the mortgage and now the bank want the remaining amount left (the 98 000) in one lump sum. I offered monthly repayments, but "that is not how they work". Anyway, it's complicated and I am doing my best to sort it.

I do not know anything about british law. I was born in America and then moved to France. I do possess a british passeport though (I have doubke nationailty because my father was english). Would this be of any help in seeking UK help ?

Once again, thank you for your concern.

Amy x

If the bank want the money as a lump sum but you can afford monthly payments, borrow the money elsewhere - maybe in the form of a mortgage and pay them off. 

I don't mean to sound harsh but you and your Mum have both learned the hard way that material things mean nothing at the end of the day, and this house is not the home it was without your Dad. Maybe it's best to stop trying to hang onto something that hasn't the same meaning anymore.  

As long as you and mum have each other, your good health and a comfortable home to live in - a stress free existence would benefit you far more than a pile of debt to stay somewhere that no longer has the same ambience.

Life changes - bad things happen and good things happen - and we learn as we go along. As a person who now has no independence or income apart from small benefit payments due to illness, I understand how it feels to have to let go of what has always been.  It is sad but really is not as terrible as it seems.  

You have both been through a dreadful time that's for certain but read through your original post again - it should have been written by your Mum and she is obviously currently in shock and suffering with depression. She probably needs medical care. You cannot take all this responsibility alone - you are the child and only 20yrs old and you need to tell your Mum that you need her to be stronger for you and encourage her to get help if she needs it. I presume she is not elderly or physically unwell, and her lack of independence has only happened since Dad's passing? She is grieving - but so are you and you need support! Contact your grandmother too  -  maybe she can talk to your mum - if not, she can at least talk to you!.   You should not be having to give up your studies, that is not what your dad would have wanted.

I hope you get the help you need and that 2016 brings you and your Mum peace. Keep in touchx

Hi Amy

So sorry to read of your loss and the difficult position you find yourself in.  As you do not live in the UK it may be that your Grandmother can obtain the necessary advice you need on your  behalf.  The only way to really find out what your Mother's options are would be for her to seek the necessary advice as I presume the outstanding debt falls on her as your Father's next of kin (this could well be different under French Law).Over here if there is an outstanding mortgage at the time of death it is usually transferred to the surviving spouse who then becomes responsible for repaying it.

We also have the Citizen's advice bureau which we can obtain advice through and I do wonder if there is a similar organisation where  you are now living. 

Unfortunately at the time of personal grief it is hard to focus on what needs to be done but I was guided through this when my own husband passed away nearly a year ago now and was able to have some support through the solicitors dealing with my husband's Estate.

I hope you can find a way forward through your financial situation and that your Mother's depression will improve with time and perhaps a chat with her doctor could help you both.  Jules x