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Gone 3 months

kenji888
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My father lost his short battle with liver cancer just over 3 months ago. He was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer summer of 2014, went through with TACE treatment in October that year and was scheduled for a second treatment in November but was told that the first treatment didn't work so they stopped. He was given a year to live.

We went for a second option in Hong Kong in January, only to confirm that the UK doctors were right. Our whole family was devastated, I got engaged and planned to get married 2016 but rushed for our paperwork to be signed in August. He was the happiest I had seen him for a good part of year by then, possibly the best decisions I had made ever. 

I witnessed his condition deteriorate slowly in since diagnosis, then it rapidly caught up with him. I remembered going for a 6 mile with him walk in July and not long after he became ill and fast, it was prolonged fevers, vomiting after food, to not being able to pee, everything had hit him like a train. 

The hospice nurse and GP advised me to take time off work to spend valuable time with him. I'm unsure why I delayed it so long but on the day I decided to go on sick leave, I spent 45 minutes in the morning with him and sadly he never woke up again. 

It has been a daily struggle for me, he left us with mum, my younger brother and my wife. It sounds as though I am coping the least, the sadness I have everytime I think of him when I am by myself.... 

Not sure why I wrote this but thanks for reading to here if you did.

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    Welcome Kenji

    I think you came here and wrote this because you felt that by talking about it it would help and that here you'd find people who've experienced similar things and would know how you feel.

    I think you're definitely right on the latter and hopefully on the former too.

    Talking about it does help - it certainly helped me when my wife died about the same time as your father - I ruthlessly went and spoke to all her friends and retold the story of her last days - it hurt every time but a little less each time.

    I don't know how much you spoke about it to friends, often people don't for various reasons but you should find this a safe place to talk about it.

    You'll find people here in similar and different circumstances, some coping better some worse than you. You may be surprised to find that you can offer some comfort or advice to some of the latter and that is one of the best, most healing feelings in the world.

    Hits you suddenly when you least expect it doesn't it? you forget that they've gone and then the remembrance hits you like a train

    That'll get better - it'll take time but it will get better - I promise  

  • Offline in reply to GrahamM

    Welcome and you're are not alone... I too feel life is a daily struggle. I've managed 1 day in the last 8.5 weeks that I haven't cried for him.  Not only did I lose my dad and my friend he was also my neighbour who I got to see every day. When I'm home alone with the kids and my partner and mum have gone to work it's just me and no Dad.  I had 72 hours between my dads diagnosis and him passing away. Not enough time to get my head around what was happening.  My friend who also lost her mum to cancer told me this, "your dad doesn't know he has died, it's the same as you don't know you're asleep".  I'd never really thought about it like this. But it always pops into my head and it's true. My dad doesn't know he has gone.  I hope that we both find some peace at some point, this Christmas will be very hard. Take care x

     

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