Hi,

I'm really sorry that you find yourself on here. I lost my wife back in October and like your Mum she had Cancer for several years and had very little pain or discomfort until the very end. That's something I'm very grateful for. I know people who have suffered greatly and there are many who are diagnosed weeks or days before they died - it is always sudden when it actually happens but at least over the years you will have had a chance to get your head around the idea that you will be losing your Mum as best you could.

Yes Christmas will be tough but I'm also doing it as always - not putting up a tree or skipping the Christmas meal would only serve to emphasise the loss.  It's a difficult time though and no mistake -

Best of luck with it

Graham

Hi

Lost my mum to cancer 9 weeks ago. I feel the same as you. A good cry helps.

My mum made Christmas, I feel so lost.

Sorry I have few words to say but knowing people are in the same boat helps.

Im just so upset I could not save her and feel i.ve let her down!

Ah now sameboat you've got to get on top of feelings like that.

It's very natural to feel guilty when we lose someone we love. We start to obsess about it and think of ways that we could have had a different outcome but it's always complete nonsense.

I think it comes from the complete helplessness that comes with a bad cancer diagnosis - we are used to being in control, to having options - When those options don't exist we create them even though we know they dn't really exist.

I guess what I'm saying is that you almost certainly couldn't have saved her - I I think you know this but there's this nasty small voice that keeps bubbling up telling you it's your fault.

I don't think that's unusual - I think a lot of us get that - you just have to put it out of your mind - it isn't true and you know it isn't and I'm sure it would have greatly upset your Mum if she thought you would think that. 

So just tell that nasty little voice to shut up and don't listen to it! - OK?

What does help is talking about it - I've certainly found so - to everybody any anybody who will listen. Yes it's painful but it becomes a little less painul with each retelling

And if you run out of people to tell - come on here and tell us - and if that helps and you're out of other people come on here and tell us again  ;c)

Hi Graham M

Thanks for the time to post. I know what you say is true.

Thought CT showing not much movement 6 week before, gave me more hope and mum looked well.

Thanks for the help

Thanks.Graham

Hi

Sorry about your mum.  It is really hard isn't it and I agree a good cry really does help.  I made a photo memory book for my children (and me) so that they can look at photos of them and my mum and also so that I can keep her memory alive.  I found that really helped me putting it together and I love that I've got it to look at.

You haven't let your mum down at all, unfortunately we can't always win against cancer even though we can certainly give it a good go.

Take Care. x

Hi missingmum2015

Thanks.

Sorry about your mum.