I never imagained in a million years that I will end the year without my father! We were so close and I loved him very much. It is still a shock that he is gone and sometimes I think he will walk throught the door at any moment. 3 weeks ago he was going out and about, the picture of health (he had bladder cancer but that seemed under control) a week later he starting losing his appetite, feeling weak and breatheless. His breathing became worse so he went to the hospital, the Docs found that he had pneumonia, lung embolism and the cancer had spread to his lungs. They wouldn't do chemo because he was too ill, they gave him antibiotics, blood thinners and Oxygen. The doc plus 6 of his team crowded my father's hospital bed to tell him sorry it's really bad, prepare for the worse but hope for the best, that killed my Dad's spirit! A couple of weeks later he died, hated watching him steadily decline. My emotions are all over the place, I cry uncontrollable at various times of the day, I feel guilty for not always being there for him, I feel sad, I feel angry and just want to scream. I hate seeing other people with their fathers (not nice of me I know) as think why was mine taken. His first grandchild (from my brother) was due next year, he will never get to see him, he was so looking forward to being a Grandfather and another brother was getting married. People are coming round from morning to night to pay their respects so get no break and it's heartbreaking seeing my Mother cry. I am so worried about her.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this, think I may need something to help me sleep and calm myself.
