My mum died three weeks ago, 4.5 months after being diagnosed with cancer. She was only 67 and I’m 35. She was diagnosed during an emergency operation, and the surgeon called me in to tell me to say goodbye to her there and then as they didn’t expect her to get through the operation and survive that weekend (it had started as cervical cancer but had spread everywhere by the time they found it.) So it all started with the biggest shock of my life...She beat the odds to go on for another 4 months but for the last 2 months at least she was suffering a lot which was incredibly hard to watch. She was constantly in pain and being sick, lost a lot of weight (and was only 7 stone to begin with), but she was so brave and stoic and said to me “we just have to go with it”. It took weeks for her body to shut down completely and the doctors were very surprised, but it wasn’t a good thing, as she had absolutely no quality of life, just suffering and it was very hard for me to watch her go through that and for me to spend so much time at the hospice. I think those few weeks were the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and I still feel drained from watching her die like that. I was also with her, along with my brother, the night she passed away. It felt like a shock, even though I knew it was coming, it’s like I hadn’t fully realised she actually wouldn’t be here – it all feels so final. The last couple of weeks I've been busy arranging the funeral and with practicalities, applying for probate etc, and now 3 weeks later and I’m back at work and day to day life carries on as normal, I’m feeling a big sense of loss and dreaming about her a lot. It’s such a painful feeling. I’m also trying to support my 5 year old twins through it as they were very close to their granny..but feels like I haven’t been doing a very good job of helping them so far as I’m struggling to get myself through it...I’d be grateful for any insights into getting through it all. Thanks.