Hi

I'm really sorry you find yourself on this forum.

But firstly you have to be tough with yourself - don't feel guilty - don't let yourself feel guilty. I know that's easy to say but start by realising that its a natural response to such difficult circumstances and that you're going to need to be very strong for your mum in the next few weks and you can't do that if you're beating yourself up about things.

Have you or your Dad seen the palliative team at the hospital? - they specialise in helping people during their last stages of life. I must say when my wife died 6 weeks ago they were brilliant. Ask them about things like pain control, they'll be able to reassure you that that can be managed.

They'll also be able to tell you about what it will be like - don't feel guilty about asking them - If you know what to expect it will still be as tearful but maybe not quite as scarey.

People experiencing personality changes towards the end is something that happens sometimes and may not actually be the painkillers - its called terminal agitation www.nhs.uk/.../changes-in-the-last-hours-and-days.aspx now that might not be what your mum is going through but its the sort of thing that can happen.

Right now you and your Dad need to be strong for your Mum and afterwards for each other. It isn't easy, its very hard but in some ways you're lucky some people do die very suddenly without any warning- you have time now - not a lot but you have some use it wisely.

Make a list with your Dad of things to do - sentimental things, practical things - if she's mobile get out and do things - if she's not photographs, videos - they'll mean a lot to you in days to come.

Good Luck

Be strong