Hello Roxie,

Welcome to our forum. We are so sorry for your loss. It must all be so raw for you and a bit of a shock as it all happened so quickly. It must have been so hard to tell your little girl.

You have come to the right place though for supports. You will meet many here who are feeling just like you at the moment. Kiz for example just posted about having lost his dad and is feeling like you at the moment, with everything being so raw that it physically hurts.  You can find Kiz's thread here.

I know many will be here soon to talk to you. Our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Roxie,

Sorry to read about the loss of your mother. It is always hard but when it has happened so fast, it make it even harder. Having just lost my father Iand my mother several years ago, I do understand and feel for you. Sending kind thoughts to you at this sad time, Brian.

Hi Roxie

I'm so sorry to hear about the lose of you mum after such a short battle. I feel for you so much, our situations are so alike. I lost my dad 3 weeks after diagnosis with pancreatic and liver cancer, in total he was ill for 5 weeks and was only 67. Like you, at times i feel so numb and other times so very tearful and depressed. I know people say time will help heal but I'm 6 months down the line and it still feels like it was only yesterday. In time you will find a way to cope better, it wont be because you have got over it but you just find a place in your heart and mind that is just for your mum. At the moment give yourself time to just be sad and grieve, it's all so new and raw for you at the moment 

That awful task of tell your children is so heartbreaking, my daughter was 8 at the time. How did your daughter take the news? 

Be kind to yourself, only do what you feel you can do and don't suppress your emotions especially in front of your daughter,  she needs to see that it is okay to cry when someone dies. I think we made that mistake when my daughter was 3 and now I think she is not griefing properly, she very much wants everything to stay normal and hasn't cried other than when we told her Grandpops  had died and again at his funeral. 

Please keep in touch,  maybe we can help each other through this heartbreaking time.

Thinking of you

Paula X

Hi paula,

Thank you for your message, I'm sorry about the loss of your dad sounds like he had what my mum had? She was told it had spread to her liver too. My mum also suffered from 3 strokes after diagnosis which made her lose her ability to talk,which made the 5 weeks even worse. We knew we didn't have much time with her but we never thought it would be this soon! It feels so surreal and like I'm going to wake up and it be a dream or should I say nightmare!!!

My little one hasn't taken it very well,she got very upset, and has been asking a lot of questions. But we have been brave and answered them for her. Very hard when she gets upset and asked when will nanny wake up and is nanny and angel now?! I will make sure she never forget her!! 

How are you after 6 months?do you still get upset about things?I'm struggling with not being able to tell my mum stuff,like when my little one starts school or if I've got a cooking problem?! 

Stay in touch

Roxie xx

Hi Roxie. I was so sad to read your story. I lost my husband 2 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer, he was just 51 and left behind a young family. He only got 12 weeks after diagnosis. We are all heartbroken. I still feel a bit numb but that has worn off a little bit and now all I seem to do is cry. What has helped me is the support of my family and friends. I am 36 and have 2 teenage sons and they have been so brave.  You will have days when you feel worse And times when you will feel ok. I can't get used to him not being here with us. what saddens me is the stats for pancreatic cancer, I hadn't heard of it before. My work have been great and they are raising money for pancreatic cancer and I am going to be involved in this as I think it will give me something to focus on. I cared for my husband for the last 4 months and learned that you just need to take things one day at a time. I'm not looking forward to Christmas but I have to put on a brave face for my boys. I hope this helps you in some way.  

I came on this forum because my husband has had 2 lots of kidney cancer and now, with no kidneys, and some some spread to his bladder, he is a dialysis patient. I never know if we are a 'cancer' family or a dialysis family. For sure, it's the dialysis which dominates life, and it is pretty grim. We seem to fall between specialisms and don't ever seem to know who to turn to. Anyway. I wanted to write to those who have just lost a mum and a husband to pancreatic cancer so suddenly and are grieving for themselves and fretting about telling their children.. I lost my own mum a long time ago and had a small child and have had 2 more babies after she had gone. Even though they have never met her, we kept her memory for them and they love her. They feel they have a granny they've not met in this life but she is there all the same. We look at her photos and I still tell them stories and say howshe would love them and give them cuddles. It's been a great consolation for me and I think for them.  I hope you will find it the same . That the person you love will live on for them and that their memory is an honour and a privilege. It has made me happy. I hope you find the same peace.

I am so sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you and your family, it have been so quick so you won't have had time to get your head round this, you will go through so many emotions as I lost my mother when I was on holiday as she wasn't even ill when I left. All I can say take one day at a time and talk to someone close about how you are feeling. I am sending a big cuddle to help you feel better if you ever feel you cannot talk to someone you can always message me thinking of you at this very sad time.

Roxie i don't have and couldn't even try to find to words to convey my sympathies to you,  i am preparing myself to lose my mum also,  useless futile and just sad ,  you are not alone though,  although the world seems pretty bleak I'm hoping life gets at least bearable.  But you are not alone. 

So mums funeral was monday, had an amazing turn out for her, and the service was beautiful. 3 days on, I am feeling so empty?I don't low if that makes sense but I feel like expected to go back to 'normal'? Now the funeral is out the way,there isn't anything to sort etc, so now it's back to work Monday and I don't know, normal life?? 

I'm realising now how much I am going to miss her!me and my dad never have had a great relationship, I would always talk to mum about stuff, I'm really struggling with that she isn't around anymore?! I just feel empty! My little one is finding hard still. Paula, we are going to do a memory box, get all the photos of her a nanny together and talk about the fun times they had!!

Thank you all for your messages, bcam I'm sorry that you are preparing to lose your mum. even tho you know it's eventually coming, nothing can prepare you for that moment!but stay strong!

Puds, can't imagine how that must have been going away and coming back to that? Thank you for your kind words!

Take care xx