Hi Josh, i have just read your post and I am so sorry for you lost. I lost my Dad in July and nothing will every prepare you for watching a love one die. Its tough and something that you should not be facing at your age. I want you to listen to my words  as a mother of twin girls who are very similar to you, no matter what we say to each other, the arguments we have, the nagging I do, nothing will change the love I have for my children ....its unconditional. Your mum loves you very much and always will. Guilt is part of the grieving process and you will be saying what if I had done this or things could have been different if. When I felt like this about my Dad I went through pictures to remind myself how happy he had been  and try to find some pictures of your mum and you together. Every time you see the image of your mum last moments, look at a picture of her smiling. It's worked for me. I know in the early stages of grief you go to some dark places, please go and speak to  someone about this . If your mum had hospice care then you should be offered some conselling services. I've just taken this up. I've never done anything like it before and I was a little  concerned about it, but it has help. Also use this forum as often as you need, I've found it so helpful and the support from other is just so wonderful.  Big hugs to you sweetheart. You feel so lost when you lose a parent and the pain of that loss is undescrible. But a parents love is unconditional remember. xxxxx

Hi Josh, i have just read your post and I am so sorry for you lost. I lost my Dad in July and nothing will every prepare you for watching a love one die. Its tough and something that you should not be facing at your age. I want you to listen to my words  as a mother of twin girls who are very similar to you, no matter what we say to each other, the arguments we have, the nagging I do, nothing will change the love I have for my children ....its unconditional. Your mum loves you very much and always will. Guilt is part of the grieving process and you will be saying what if I had done this or things could have been different if. When I felt like this about my Dad I went through pictures to remind myself how happy he had been  and try to find some pictures of your mum and you together. Every time you see the image of your mum last moments, look at a picture of her smiling. It's worked for me. I know in the early stages of grief you go to some dark places, please go and speak to  someone about this . If your mum had hospice care then you should be offered some conselling services. I've just taken this up. I've never done anything like it before and I was a little  concerned about it, but it has help. Also use this forum as often as you need, I've found it so helpful and the support from other is just so wonderful.  Big hugs to you sweetheart. You feel so lost when you lose a parent and the pain of that loss is undescrible. But a parents love is unconditional remember. xxxxx