I'm also having a hard time properly crying, which makes me feel even more guilty. I know crying is important, and I want to because there's certainly a lot I need to let out but I can't for some reason.. It feels like I'm repressing it somehow. 

Hi Josh,

I have read your post and let me tell you this, Mothers have a way of knowing we love them without us saying anything. A lot of the feelings like what you say about not doing enough are guilty feelings most of us feel; I promise you I felt much the same. When we lose someone we love like a parent, it is one of the hardest things we face in life at any age but to lose your mother at your age is even harder. Please dont feel guilty that you havent cried; it doesnt mean you dont care. One only has to read what youve written to understand that.

Just the act of writting your feelings down will help Josh. Some of us feel we cant talk to others about our inner feelings so that why this forum is so good for we can open our heart and talk to people anonamously  while knowing they know what we are going through for most have felt the same. I lost my mother several years ago to breast cancer which spread to her brain and to see her lying in bed hardly recognising me was so hard. And then last Wednesday I lost my father who lived in Canada to prostate cancer and age (he was 93) so I have some idea how you feel.

At the moment you feel you cant cope but you will find an inner strength from somewhere I promise. I hope you dont mind me writing this next bit. Allthough your mother is no longer with you, A part of her lives on in you through the genes she passed on to you. You are obviously a very caring young man who is going through a very difficult and painful time right now. Trust me Josh you are not a failure, please dont think that.

Please keep in contact and I hope others will also reply to you. Take care, sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

Hi Josh

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment and for the loss of your mum. It's great to see that Woodworm has offered you a warm welcome, as well as some kind words of advice.

I really hope that writing everything down here and receiving support from this friendly forum will help you in these very raw first days as you come to terms with what has happened.

I'd like to point you too in the direction of another website here which you might find helpful. It is for people of your age who have lost a parent. You can chat to others going through similar experiences.  

Also, our nurses would be more than happy to talk to you on our helpline if you would like to chat to anyone on the phone about how you are feeling. You can call: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

I wonder too if your college know about what is happening at home? They may be able to offer you support and advice. If they know why you have fallen behind with your studies they may be able to offer you some help with this situation too.

Please come here and chat whenever you feel the need to talk to someone,

Best wishes

Jane

Hi Josh

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment and for the loss of your mum. It's great to see that Woodworm has offered you a warm welcome, as well as some kind words of advice.

I really hope that writing everything down here and receiving support from this friendly forum will help you in these very raw first days as you come to terms with what has happened.

I'd like to point you too in the direction of another website here which you might find helpful. It is for people of your age who have lost a parent. You can chat to others going through similar experiences.  

Also, our nurses would be more than happy to talk to you on our helpline if you would like to chat to anyone on the phone about how you are feeling. You can call: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

I wonder too if your college know about what is happening at home? They may be able to offer you support and advice. If they know why you have fallen behind with your studies they may be able to offer you some help with this situation too.

Please come here and chat whenever you feel the need to talk to someone,

Best wishes

Jane