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Nearly 5months on

shellshocked
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Well that's the time gone since my mother died from bowel cancer,I'm still lost both my brother and I go to her house and still expect her to be there. The one thing we both are struggling with still is not that she's gone,although that's hard enough,but how she died, I watch the TVs and they say we have best palliative care,I'm sure some do but why didn't my mother receive this why did she have to suffer so why did we get next to no help ,my brother had to go to 3 pharmacies to get morphine for pump driver because they didn't dispense and no one could give us the info,. I m so bloody angry I want to scream but mainly I cry and I want to sit with her doctor,district nurses and McMillan and ask why don't you care why didn't you help us. I don't think I will ever be"me"again because off what I saw and had to do, I'm rambling again!

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    Hi

    Read your post and just wanted to send you a big virtual hug.  You have every reason to feel angry at how your Mum's end of life was 'mis-managed' and this in turn is making grieving double difficult. 

    We were very fortunate that my husband's palliative care (mainly through GP/community nurses) was handled very well but I too had anger issues because the 'emergency' 111 service was absolutely awful (following his death at home we waited over 7 hrs for a doctor to call an officially confirm it!!!). Getting angry made me cry (a natural release when grieiving also) but I needed answers just like you wish to have. I did, in the end, write to the service concerned and whilst it could not change what I had experienced, I felt a little release in having done so and received a formal apology.  Nothing could  bring my dearly loved husband back and 9 months on I am still grieving his loss but my anger is less and I am allowing 'good' memories to over-ride the distressing thoughts.  I hope in time you and your brother can grieve and find peace within yourselves. Take care Jules54

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Thank you we also had dealings with 111 and on the advice off others used 999 but my mother finally passed in hospital not at home as was her wishes. I think now I will sit down and write to her GP and at least make my concerns heard although I won't hold my breath for any apologetic letter, because my mother chose to have no treatment they almost blame her for everything( I feel) to me she was very brave she had already had a double mastectomy  several years earlier and knew that she couldn't win this one and wanted some good times before the end instead off a massive operation .

  • Offline in reply to shellshocked

    Hi again

    I hope it helps a little to set your thoughts on paper.

    Cancer is a cruel illness for so many (my husband's cancer caused by exposure to asbestos (as a child) and he dealt with it bravely and with dignity. He was only able to have a few life prolonging chemo sessions before his body resisted that help so not the fault of the medical profession who in our case did their upmost to keep him comfortable.

    I really wish that the palliative care he received was available country/worldwide as without that support we would have stuggled so much more. It's very sad to read stories such as yours when the system has let you down.  Jules

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    I lost my Dad on 1st July... It was much the same for him. Driving around trying to get his pain relief. In the hospital they left his driver empty for over and hour and I screamed at the nurses to get it sorted. Dad want to go home to die and it was a nightmare due to it being a Friday. I spend over an hour trying to achieve my dad wish to get home. Dad was dignised  on 11th June and given a very short time scale. When we did sort his home care the team entered my dads room in a very aggressive nature because I has the cheek to complain about his situation. My dad got very emotional about the  experience and he had enough to deal with. Thewhen sorting the transport dad was told he would be leaving at 6:30 but didn't get home to gone midnight. I was screaming.. How dare they do this to my Dad in his final days. We were lucky as there are three of us who did all the running around to get medical forms sign off and drive around to get the required drugs... My mum could stay with our Dad. But i can relate to your experience .... But I could not fault the home hospice team truly amazing. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx

     

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