dear habbott12  i know what you are going through i am still coming to terms of losing mum last december to ovarian cancer which we did not know she had, although she was in remission from early breast cancer since 2011, so cancer must of come back, mum was diagnosed late stage four when she had the scan, they sadly could not offer any treatment because cancer had already spread up  to her neck, having being told she had weeks to  live she passed just three days later, so since leaving our house i did not know i would lose mum just three weeks later, ovarian cancer is a silent diease which you do not get any symptoms till its to late, i lost my dad at just 47 years old due to a unexpected heart attack,when i was  just nineteen, as it is i am now parentless and have to rely on my sisters for support, take care oggi

Hi

Sorry to read of the passing of your Dad and you are still in the very early days of bereavement.There is no right or wrong way to feel and having small children I imagine you are trying to be strong for them as well as for your Mum.

  We had spoken before (my husband lost his fight with Mesothelioma in January) and  my grandsons were only 6yrs and  15mths at the time. My daughter and son in law found it particularly difficult with trying to explain why granddad could not be made better (they had all been here a afew hours before my husband died and he had still been chatting as they played around him) but  we supported each other (still do) and from a personal point of view we talk about  him often, miss him terribly and know that when the emotions come, it's right for us to grieve and draw support from each other.

How wonderful that you were able to read a poem at your Dad's funeral (that takes some great strength of character) and just take it a day at a time and try and find some quiet time for yourself. I know its difficult when you have little ones to care for but hope off loading here helps just a little.  The forum continues to support me and my emotions still catch me unawares sometimes . I do not cry so easily now but do experience waves of sadness but try to remember that the memories I  have (and you will also have) are held within our hearts.  I have heard many people say that their loved ones waited until alone before passing (my own Dad certainly did) and my husband  thought I had gone to bed (I was sitting in the dark ) and showed surprise at having his hand held before slipping away. 

Sending condolence and a virtual hug at this saddest of times. Jules x

Thanks Jules, yes we chatted here a few months ago, things just got terribly worse. My dad wasn't conscious but I am sure he could here us. The cancer was eating away at his lungs and it was all around the lining of his heart.  it was so sad seeing him deteriorate as quickly as he did. I have been staying with my mam but came home on Thursday as she wanted to be by herself which I could understand. I have been an emotional mess since coming back home. It just doesn't feel real at all.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply.  it will be difficult for you as well as hearing another person has lost their battle with the disease will bring memories flooding back for you too.  X

Thank you Oggi, sending you hugs too x

Hi

The forum is a good place to share our feelings and having received the support of others I now find I am able to try to offer support back. There is no doubt in my mind that by going through my husband's journey with cancer I myself have changed the way I think and feel about life in general and maybe this is his legacy.

  As a Mum I both wanted to comfort my children/grandchildren but in turn they worried about how I would cope. My children both live quite close and I did not have them staying with me (we all cope in different ways and I needed that breathing space to mourn so that I could be there for them when they needed me). During the early days/weeks we were kept busy with the arrangements and paperwork and I then made the decision to let a solictor handle the Estate on my behalf. This took away some of my worries and gave me time for myself (sounds a bit selfish I know) and a month following my hubby's death I returned to work (with my GP's blessing I might add).  I only work part time but it gave me focus and a sense of normality (albeit I still need support at times).

Sorry for the ramble but just want you to know that the forum gives you space to be yourself and you do not have to be strong alk the time.  Take care of yourself and do not be afraid to ask for comfort/support if you need it.  Jules x

Hi Habb,

i feel your situation. Let me share my story.my dad was 59 years old when he was diagnosed with mesothelioma. We found it on 10/2015 and he passed away few days back which was 16/06/2016. at the moment my wife is pregnant and she is due on 25/09/2016 . My dad was waiting to see his first grand daughter and he went to heaven few days earlier . At the moment me and my wife are staying overseas and my dad and mom lives in Sri Lanka. Things went up side down when we hear the news that my father is having a cancer. Since there was a big line up for PET scan in Sr Lanka we took him to singapore for a PET scan and doctors said he will only live max upto 8 months. We immediately started chemo but after 6 th set of chemo we found that the cancer was stronger and chemo failed. At that time it has fully covered his right lung and has spread it to heart Some of other organs. This was in last march. Unfortunately after two months time he had his last breath. During this 8 months period i spent most of my time with dad in SL as my wife couldnt travel due to pregnancy.i have seen how my dad went through the cancer and how we all suffered from it. He was my most beloved person in the world and stull cant believed he went away from us like this. No matter what i do my life won't be same again. I will miss his for ever and ever.