Hi, Trev, I am so sorry about your loss, it is a very difficult thing to come to terms with.  Four months is a very short time and don't feel you have to rush to clear clothes etc.  you will know when the time is right.

I think it would be an excellent idea to have some counselling, to be able to speak to someone, who hasnt necessarily got answers, but will listen and help you to come to terms with your very sad loss will, I am sure, be very helpful.  With my very best wishes. 

hi trev i feel your pain mate, i am still smarting over my mum who passed away in hostipal last december due to ovarian cancer which we did not know she had she lasted only three weeks in that time she could not hold anything down, she could not move of the bed, and she was sick every day for which they could not stop and in a lot of  pain, they could not offer any treatment because the cancer had  spread up to her neck. she was already in remission form early stage breast cancer since 2011, so cancer must have come back, i miss her like crazy and after eight months i still find it hard. hope you can pull through like i will have to do. take care oggi

Hi trev

Am just a bit further along since the passing of my hubby (7 mths).  Of course we think about them every day and like you , keeping busy day to day is my coping mechanism.  I was helped by hubby's GP (not mine!) who had me visit fortnightly to begin with as she encouraged me to talk things through.  I think counselling can be a good idea.  As to dealing with dispersal of personal effects especially clothing, there is no right length of time to do this (I did mine in stages when it felt right and know hubby would appreciated the fact that others will benefit from recycling them).  The husband of my best friend who passed away over a year ago struggled with the clothes too and finally admitted defeat and his youngest son dealt with it for him.

Do stay in touch on the forum and let us know how you are getting on.  Take care  Jules x

hi jules . im speaking to a counsellor at the hospice next week will speak again after hope you are ok .trev

hi thanks for your reply and sorry to hear about your mum my partner had ovarian cancer 2010 and spread to her bowel i miss her so much. its a real struggle as you now . four months seams like a lot longer dont think the pain will ever go away . all the best.  trev

OK thanks. Thanks jules x

Hi jule 

Hope  things are ok with you went to see a hospice councillor last week lasted about 30min didn't really find it much help to me might be ok for some . Also they have a drop in Monday morning for coffee and biscuits to talk to people in the same position as you ..actually sorted some of her things out still along way to go bit at a time still finding evening and weekend the worst getting a bit better at cooking as long as it easy stuff. We have a family dog which is struggling as much as me he looks so sad at times.  Best wishes trev.

Hi, Trev, I must admit I have struggled a bit with counselling, but coffee mornings where you meet like-minded people certainly help, and the more you go the more help you will find.  I think doing things in your own time is best, no-one does things the same.  I think It was a little while ago we had a discussion about being by yourself at the weekend and the consensus was that it was because most people were with family and friends at that time and made you feel even more lonely and vulnerable.  Good news about the cooking though and, you never know, you may just come to really enjoy it.

Hi Trev,

I think as far as counselling goes everyone has a different take on it as well as different needs.  Hubby tried it whilst unwell  and it did not suit his needs. I have not had any formal counselling though GP  saw me every two weeks for around three months (her suggestion) and to be honest not sure it helped emotionally though it did sought out a few of my underlying worries on my health.  Maybe the Monday coffee mornings are worth a try as these are more of a social outlet too.  You may even pick up some cooking tips along the way.  Personally I have never particularly enjoyed cooking but like my food so keep it easy and quick.

I am still coping day to day and trying to deal with emotional blips the best I can. Grieving is  a natural pathway and am lucky to have support of family(children and grandchildren) and friends and still use the forum as my virtual crutch.  I struggled a bit with my own birthday which fell just after I received the news of a pension I was to receive (from hubby's deferred pension scheme) - just hurts to think this should  have been his retirement fund, not mine! Still got through it somehow and my children took me out to dinner and then we had a family BBQ on the day. Next week would have been our 38th wedding anniversary and it will be another emotional hurdle but I am at work so hope keeping busy helps with that one!  Evenings and weekends are more quiet generally but I am a 'walker for pleasure' and most weekends I take myself off for 3/4 hours walk.  I tend to save housework for the evenings but still enjoy the garden as a therapeutic 'time waster'  weather permitting.

I just think I have accepted it takes time (different for everyone) to grieve but know that our loved one's would want us to make the most of our own life's journey and I am drawing on the good memories in my heart to keep me moving forward, albeit slowly.

Look after yourself Trev. Jules x